DYFS Nightmares

Hello. I am somewhat pleased overall with DYFS. I think they were very very thorough with our foster children in every aspect. However, after both children became legally free (bios signed voluntary surrenders and wanted us to adopt in each separate case), DYFS took over 16 months (yes, you are reading that correct) to complete the consent so we could finalize our long awaited adoptions. Is it fair that a child should wait that long to have permanancy? I mean these were cut and dry cases. Parents signed rights away and also signed identified surrenders for us to adopt. Why are there so many people involved in the consent process? Also, if someone is who is responsible for one of the many different aspects of the consent, is out sick, quit, gets fires or whatever, the whole consent process is stifled! If you could address something, please track the average length of time from legally free to consent completion. I think you would be horrified that so many of these children are needlessly sitting in limbo as legal orphans because dyfs can't streamline the consent process. Not to mention how frustrating it is for a foster parent, who had the child for so long, loves child and wants nothing more than make the child a forever member of the family. Sometimes I wonder if they are getting a kickback for keeping all the legal orphans they have.

My husband and I were put through the wringer trying to adopt a child from DYFS. We were the "squeeky wheel" after our caseworker and supervisor stumbled through the process. Being "squeeky" resulted in our case being delayed even further and with even more headaches. I would never recommend adopting though DYFS. They treat adoptive parents very very poorly. I imagine the same goes for potential foster care parents. We feel terrible for the kids currently in the system. DYFS screw ups prevent their placement with forever families. Very sad. The county head hasnt even stepped in to mediate. Our hearts break... But why fight it? We've contacted the commissioner even and she did nothing!

I have to say I am very pleased with my experience with DYFS. I do think some aspects of it went slowly but I had WONDERFUL caseworkers who cared about me and my children. I adopted both of my children with very little problems. The only problem I had was getting a million different answers to the same questions depending who you asked. The only bad experience I had is when a transport worker came to get my newborn baby in a car seat that was for older kids. I wanted to tell her she could not take my child. I ended up taking the car seat out of my car and installing it in her car for her so that he would be safe. That was scary. I still speak with my first SW who was SO nice and caring. She ended up leaving DYFS for another career but she was amazing and I could not be happier with my process.

You might want to try contacting the Child Placement Review board in your county. They are not part of DYFS but are a sort of "watchdog". They have certainly helped me.You may also want to write the Governor and give a copy of your letter to the judge.Good luck.

Thanks Hunterdon. I was not aware that a watchdog existed. Not sure though if pursuing this any further is the right direction for us given the emotional toll it has taken thusfar. We went into this with all the right intentions and didnt go the way of private adoption. Now we are rethinking our decision. Much luck to everyone on this forum!

That's wonderful, you are indeed blessed. This process is like anything in life, sometimes wonderful other times horrific. I suppose it's the luck of the draw. Sad that the children's fate largely depends on luck.

My Husband & I were lied to, threatened and told to be quiet. We appealed to the County head, the diviosion head and Eileen Crummy herself - nothing happened. We are hoping to adopt our current child but to be honest based on what we see from DYFS I doubt it will happen. My child cries after visits, won't let either my husband or me out of sight but according to DYFS the visits are great. After this round we are probably going to give up our license.

I am not a foster parent, by I work with all DYFS clients. I am getting the impression that DYFS gives foster parents very mixed signals. It seems like DYFS places children in to foster/adopt homes becuase its presents well as concurrent planning in court, when they are not necessarily cases that are going anywhere near adoption. It causes a lot of hurt in the long run. If I had to make a suggestion, it would be for better communication!!!! I really things that its hard to target DYFS as a whole though, becuase I have met some wondeful caseworkers......as well as some completely untrained, irresponsible ones. I guess that happens in every job, except that in this field of work it affects a childs LIFE.

Hi Helpfula, Out of the seven case workers that I have met only two were truly honest. You are absolutely correct these children are placed in fost/adopt homes so that DYFS can go before a judge and show a concurrent plan. In the meantime they lie to the families giving false hope so that the child will stay in the home especially; if you have a single child in the home. If you protest your treatment or say anything they stop sharing critical information or in our case extend threats. Another thing, most of the case workers are biased; they lean heavily in favor of the biological family no matter what the parents have done. As far as DYFS is concerned a foster family should just do them a favor and shut up....

I think it would be great if the state required new hired Dyfs workers to have at least 5 or more years experience of work before hiring them, and require them to have a bacheors degree in social work. I know that right out of college I would have had the best intentions....but I would have made a terrible caseworker, becuase you really need the experience inorder to serve the population correctly. Experience with everyside of child welfare...working with foster parents, children and birth parents, otherwise how can you not be biased? The problem is that when Dyfs's unexperienced caseworkers gain the knowledge they need to really do a good job, then they get burnt out and find "easier to sleep at night" careers. But I think this is something the state is well aware of, its finding a plausible solution that is the problem. Its a really hard position to put people in, to be given a child to take care of and fall in love with...no matter what the result of the situation someone is going to get hurt. I think its making people well informed and helping them be prepared for the possible hurt that is the important part. I can tell that you've been really hurt by your situation and I am truely sorry for that.

Hi Helpfula, While I agree with you that DYFS workers need to be better trained and educated the fault actually does not lie with them. Rather it is the fault of NJ DCF for adopting a Case Practice Model (their guide post) heavily focused on the family and its rehabilitation rather than the best interest of the childӔ. Due to the suits brought by special interest groups such as CWLA, Childrens Rights and other minority interest groups NJ DCF has moved away from the ғbest interest of the child to adopting the very arcane view of the best interest of the family - the very thing that ASFA sought to readdress. In NJ with the exception of killing or maiming a child or its siblings there is not much a parent can do wrong that will prevent them from being reunified. LetԒs face it, we live in one of the most liberal states in the country when it comes to Child Welfare practices, even California is tougher. In California for example if you are caught running a meth lab or have exposed your children to meth - your parental rights are automatically terminated. In NJ, all you have to do is meet the very low bar established in the shape of a service planӔ and you will get your child back - the whole apparatus(judges, DYFS, law guardians et al) consider you rehabilitated. When I realized that California is tougher on its biological families than NJ; my blood started to boil. How can we be more liberal than the state considered to be the bastion of liberalism? With all of this being said, lets address the issue of the apparatus that supports this system. The current case practice model does not even specifically mention ASFA. So, obviously ASFA is not the guidepost being utilized by the team of experts that are looking out for the ғbest interest of the child in NJ. Most case workers do not understand that their job is to look out for the child and not the parents. The judges do not want to have their decisions overturned on appeal so they usually go for the easiest decision - reunification. As for the Law Guardians unless you are able to express your wants clearly & verbally in court which in the case of their very young clients is just not possible - well too badԅ.. Thank you for your kind words; my last child was just wonderful. Looked just like me; thought the sun & the moon rose with Mommy. I watched powerlessly as he was taken away - screaming for me. We wanted to do this to make a difference but I just don't know sometimes. Being a child (especially a young child) in NJ DCF/DYFS custody is a fate worse than death in my opinion. All the best afostermother

Thank you! Finally, somone else who has a brain that notices that these Division of Youth and Family Services, and other ones, that are out of state (I am in NJ, which is the worst with them by the way), really need some training! My friends son has been put up for adoption, couldn't find a family, went to foster care, has a diaper rash that looks as if someone poured lava over his tushie, lost weight when at his 5 months of age has LOST weight and has been acting irregular. It is really sad that these children cannot speak for themselves. If they could, DYFS and all the other family care state appointed programs would be VERY MUCH out of busines!!!!

:grouphug: I think we all deserve a hug for the committment we've made to the children of our state. Also to the people of other states. While there are many of us, yet too few for the amount of children needing a home whether for a short time or forever. I also think many of us have a story or two about the goods and bads we have experienced with DYFS. I have a few but one comes to mind that needs to be heard. Placed in our home was this fabulous beautiful wonderful 10 yr. old girl. She attached to us quite nicely as we to her. After 2 weeks in our home the case worker comes with a bag of meds. I told her "Gabby" hadn't taken any meds. (DYFS didn't tell me about the meds when placing her) and was doing fine. The case worker said if that's what you want then you'll have to meet with "Gabby's" psychiatrist, in which my husband and I did. After talking for almost 2hrs. the psychiatrist approved to have Gabby not take her meds. and see how she does. "Gabby" was from a large sibling group all of them very attached, she had been sexually abused by not only her father but mother also as well as friends of theirs. It was so so so sad. "Gabby" was 2 yrs. behind in school but as a few months went on "Gabby" had done so well that the school IEP team said that if "Gabby" were to remain with us and continue to do as well as she was that for the next school year she would be able to go up a grade and therefore be behind only one year. We worked with her so much, Gabby began to call me Mommy. I'll never forget the case worker coming to my home and hearing gabby call me Mommy, the case worker became so enraged telling Gabby you have one monther this woman is not your mother, and on and on she went. The case worker also told me, don't get used to her cause she's on a waiting list for a therapeutic foster home. Well after about 8 months and Gabby doing so well with us emotionally, physically and she was soaring in school. "Gabby" was making friends, happy well adjusted, all the good stuff a child should be experiencing. Well this case worker didn't care about all that, she kept pushing and pushing for this girl to go into a therapeutic foster home, in which she succeeded. The case worker just didn't care about how well this beautiful, smart, and happy little girl was.We were also prepared to give her a forever home. "Gabby" was moved to a therapeitic foster home. The woman there gave Gabby permission to call me, in which she did often. She was so sad. The therapeutic foster mom started talking to me. She told me her and her husband had just finished training and "Gabby" was their first foster child, The foster mother was very young. As time went on do you think "Gabby" did better, no. Over time "Gabby" not only was put back on meds. but had regressed to the point the lady had to start brushing "Gabby's" hair, dressing her, feeding her as well as wiping her behind. Over time the woman stopped calling and I too as I went on with caring for other children. I felt so sad, so helpless for her. The system truly screwed up here and let this poor girl down. Where's the justice?!

When was this? My resource worker told me there was a push to get more foster parents trained extra so that there is less need for therapeutic foster homes. It's supposed to prevent these kind of situations with your Gabby.

Hi, thanks for your interest. This was about 8 yrs. ago. So don't know if much has changed in that time. It was just so wrong.