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HI, 3 yrs back I did kinship for a family members 2 children at time 8 and 10 for a good yr. Wanted to separate but couldn't. Children went into state care. Now, state care separated children 6 months into program. Youngest child now 12 wants to be back with me. State has started reunivacation. Starting phone calls this week. Starting liscening procedures too. This child is diagnosed with RAD, ADD, and more. When living with me before, this child had regressed to infant state, and moved forward, (removal of both children was do to oldest child's behavior and failing marirage.) child's behavior with me was super, had been working on social skills, interractions with others, schooling, postive behaviors and we had an incredible bond. What are or does one think about reunivacation? I am really nervous and scared. I have come through a divorce, have a wonderful home now, have a wonderful finace' (who wants us to move forward with this placement) am I out of my mind or is it possible to create a postive home and enviroment with child? We have all sorts of therapist in place, treatments and all. What can I do to help this child come into a new home, new relationship (she will now have to share me with someone) ex who was sopose to be helping me parent these children wasn't. So she didn't have to share me before. Plus ex and I didn't have each other. But now I have each an other. I am just so confused. Some who knew our (the child and I) relationship before is so happy and pleased for us. And very encouraging but all have own birth children and haven't delt with specail need children. And a small hand full say what you and this child shared was encredible but..... I would really appericate any and all input. Thanks
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There is potential for a child with RAD to try to come between parents-divide and conquer. So it would be important that you and your fiancee are sure you provide a unified front and agree on parenting stategies.
Be sure he understands the child's issues and the therapy and parenting she will need to attach and heal.
It's a big commitment, but you've parented this child before and know much about her needs and what works for her. If you want to be her parent, then do it.
If you feel pressured like you should but maybe this isn't the best time-then say no. (Couldn't tell from your posts if you felt pressure that you needed to do this rather then want and it does make a big difference.)
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Lucyjoy,Thank you for responding to my post. I do not at all feel pressured into taking this child back. My dreams have always been to have her back in my arms. I'm just scared and nervous. My partner Will is very supportive. From the very begining he has been on board. We will be meeting with this child's therapist in 2 weeks. I also spoke to the case manager at the safe house where my neice has been residing for the last yr. She sounded very positve about all of this. We are not telling child yet that this may even be a possiblity. We all are taking it slowly. This time we will have many resources in place. Last time I had to fight tooth and nail to get the few I was able to receive for the girls, myself and ex and all of us as a family. A lot has happened since this child has been in DCF care for the last 3 yrs both bad and good. The safe house case worker, DCF's case worker are all very pleased so far with us and how we are area of this child's needs, but this is just the begining of a new begining. They all say that the bond the child and I have is very specail one. But, it will be hard for this child to share me with him. once again Thanks
It could be a real roller coster ride for sure and it is good to think about all the dynamics that could result from this decision both in your new relationship and with the child.
You say that she has been dx with RAD and that would bring with it some real possible probems. As Lucyjoy says parents of RAD kids need to be a united front and need to NOT allow a child to trangulate the adults. It would be difficult on everyone to have your new realtionship damaged.
I think you and your fiance are the only ones who can determine if you have a relationship which can withstand the demands and issues of a RAD child. While the little girl may have her own problems sharing you so to may he have problems sharing you....
RAD children do not require one single person to attach with, so the fact that there is another parent involved should not be the greatest concern---if the other parent is up to all the hard work and supportive and loveing then that only makes your effort easier. It is actually sort of nice to have two adults who both care involved and so long as they can stay united then it can even be better for the child.
I am glad you are taking this slow and thinking about it for all the people it will affect...