Leaning towards parenting but very confused?

My experiences are equal to what Shoes is saying. Texas is part of the National Childsupport enforcement system. And social services WILLgo after him. I know in NY, they will freeze bank accounts and take away driver's licenses if they don't pay. Eventuall, if he has a real job, they will simply garnish his paycheck directly to them and you will recieve a check from the support agencies...you don't even have to deal directly with him. Don't be threatened,,you have the position of power in this. You hold the cards.

Guys - Don't give Texas to much credit where it isn't due. Child support was ordered for my son when he was 16 months old - he will be 11 in two weeks - Texas has been "Enforcing" child support for ten years - I have had 3 partial payments. They have no way to enforce support for folks who work for Cash or who are self employed. Sure, they can order it but ordering is a long way from enforcing payment. They do not communicate with other departments in the state - for example, the Department of Criminal Justice. They couldn't "find" bio-dad for two years - why? He was in prison and they had no idea. There has never been a warrant issued for his arrest for arrearages. There has never been any judicial action against him - including but not limited to the loss of licensing (which in Texas, if you default on support, they are supposed to have the ability to take away his licensesօhe is ten years and +$40,000 behind, and still nothing). I called Texas in June 2004 to give them an updated and new address (he had moved out of state) because I was able to track him via the Sexual Offenders RegistryӔ and it is now October 2005 and NOTHING has been done - all calls to the OAG result in the same response, "The case is currently in the "enforcement" phase". I have traveled to Texas six times for court dates for enforcement - six times nothing has happenednothing. No judicial action at all! Enforcement means sending a piece of paper out to the employer demanding garnishment Ŗ if he is a job jumper that means nothing. I am now perusing a case against him via my new state of residence ֖ but that has proven equally ridiculous. I was asked, at my first appointment, to provide the case worker with a certified copy of all of the legal file from the case in Texas while visiting in Texas, I paid $90 for this certified file that the worker said she needed within 30 days of certification. She said she֒d call me in July to work out a time to come in I am still waiting for her callօall messages I have left for her have been ignored. The bottom line: DO NOT rely on anything or anyone but yourself, and you will be fine. Dont be fooled by laws that look good on paper Җ in Texas, they do the very minimum and that is running his SSN thru the employment databases twice a yearօfor folks who are self employed or work for cash that means NOTHING.

I should add that my son was on state aide for the first six months of his life - so the State does have a vested interest in his paying...

Quote: They have no way to enforce support for folks who work for Cash or who are self employed. Sure, they can order it but ordering is a long way from enforcing payment.

There are some states that are THE WORST for child support enforcement. I live in one of the top three best states and so even when a non-custodial parent owns his own business or works for cash, it is VERY difficult for non-custodial parents to get out of paying support. If he is a jumper (moving a lot and works at many different places), it is more difficult to get support. However, with family ties and real property ownership, even owning a motor vehicle -- it is impossible for a non-custodial parent to not be tracked and not pay. I only know how things are done in the states of Minnesota, Wisconsin and Iowa. States work with each other and with tax intercept laws (holding tax returns when child support is due) and driver's license suspension after 90 days of non-payment, there are even GRANT HOLDS when the non-custodial parent is not working and attending school. Some states hold child support at a higher priority than others.I have a child with someone who owns his own business. He went into court, was adjudicated the father and fought paying child support. He lied about his income (until they were able to see bank statements), didn't file his taxes for years (because he owed income taxes he never paid) and by the time all was said and done, the judge said his documents, his verbally statements -- all of it was worthless because he could not tell the truth. Because the judge had no evidence except his lies -- the judge just socked him with the estimate dollar amount given by the Department of Workforce Development and what a house painter contractor would NORMALLY make during a 40 hour work week. He ended up having to pay $800 a month in support. It has been a horrible uphill battle but I would not change it for one minute. He (biodad) purposely pays every other month or once every three months to stay under the radar of the 90 day limit in our state for non-payment and when the arrears get goofy high, the county files a motion for contempt with the threat of jail time. THAT IS WHEN he pays it in full (last year, it was $6,000 in cash) and the accrual process starts all over again (usually at the beginning of the year). No, I should not depend on that money, but by God, children today need child support. Children deserve it and yes, perhaps you should see it as an "added bonus" but when there are bills to be paid, food to put on the table and snowboots to be purchased -- every child deserves support. Gone are the days when one parent could work outside the home and the mom would stay at home and rear the children. MANY MANY families have two incomes because financially raising children on ONE INCOME is not realistic. Just childcare alone can be $400+ a month and that is why childcare assistance is in demand, food assistance, energy assistance, medical assistance -- all of these services are there because most of the time even child support is not enough in addition to your working full-time.

I guess, what I am getting it is, yes, it would be ideal for child support to be paidit would be ideal for the father to live up to his responsibilityŅbut this isnt an ideal world. Yes, being a single parent with on income can be extremely hard Җ I did it for five years but that is the reality of being a single parent. You absolutely can not rely on anyone else, even the father, to help. I am certainly not trying to talk you out of parentingօI am just trying to give you a realistic view of single parenthood with a non-custodial parent who doesnt pay support҅it is a harsh reality and one you should be prepared to face. Information helps us make an informed decision I am just sharing what it was like for me, dealing with Texas and a non-custodial parent who is in default on support. Does that mean I would change anything? NopeօI choose to parent my son aloneI never even considered getting child support, because I knew even if it was ordered, heŒd never pay.

Texas is like 49th in child support enforcement. They're trying to do the whole registry of employees to crack down on the non payment of child support, but it only started a few months ago. The social worker I talked to basically said that I was pretty much screwed when it came to child support, because he works for his families company and he does all of the accounting, so it wouldn't be hard for him to get paid cash, he got paid cash the first 2 years he worked there, and never paid a penny in taxes, so it's not anything new to him to get around the system. If he moves back home to live with his parents, he will probably end up taking some minimum wage job, to buy his drugs and his parents will pay for everything else. So I'm not expecting anything, I know this is something I'll have to do completely on my own. BUT *update on the mom situation* I talked to my mom today and she basically said, it is YOUR decision, and I don't want you to make any decision until it's something you are 100% sure of, don't worry about the things that I say or the things that austin says or his parents, because it's whats right for YOU and the baby, and your dad and I will stick beside you. Soo she maybe coming around, I know if I do keep the baby I'll probably be able to stay with her for a little while, which is fine, but that really isn't the deal closer.

one of the republican congressional proposals to "save" money is to cut funding to the states for child support enforcement :eek: . this to "pay for Katrina". as if kids getting child support weren't hit by the hurricane. amazingly shortsighted... katieleigh, glad your mom is coming around, at least to realizing it's your decision and not hers or anyone else's.

(((hugs))) One great thing about adoption, is that if you are unsure, you can wait. One thing to consider, is that if you feel as though you would miss your child, then you should keep him or her. There are many women out there who are single, and who make it, even without family support. It is hard, but if that is the decision you need to make, contact people in your area that would help. (women centers, churches, etc). Do not be persuaded by anyone to make a decision you are not comfortable with, and do not give in to guilt trips. This is a decision you have to make, and it has to be in your best interests as well as your childs'. A mother's home is the best home for a child. peace, Summer

[url="http://www.kvue.com/news/local/stories/110305kvueChildsupport-cb.23fe2b69.html"]http://www.kvue.com/news/local/stories/110305kvueChildsupport-cb.23fe2b69.html[/url]I read this today and thought it was postworthy. I think Texas may completely STINK when it comes to enforcing child support orders -- but it looks like the problem is getting to the top of the state's priority list.

Katie...You have received some very good advice and information here....especially from Claud. The bottom line is you must make this decision for yourself....not for anybody else's reasons. Pressure from your mom (and grandmas do tend to come around!) and from the baby's biodad should not influence you. Your life has been altered no matter what decision you ulimately make....but YOU are the one who will live w/ it...not mom, not austin. You most definately sound like you want to parent this child. That parenting begins now. Do not hide, enjoy the pregnancy and revel in the fact that you are carrying life. Seek counseling independent of an adoption agency if necessary. However well-intentioned they may be, their business is placing children w/ adoptive parents. Limit contact w/ biodad. He is bullying you and threats of taking custody of the child are simply a means to control you and avoid paying for a child he doesn't want. And if he's doing drugs it's certain that at any given time you are not talking to him, you are talking to the drugs....and what good is that? Best wishes to you and your child.

Thanks guys! I've been talking to a social worker, and it's helping A LOT. I got really frustrated last week and told her that I didn't think I could parent, and I wanted to go through with adoption, and she wouldn't let me give up. I'm so very thankful that she didn't let me give up. I'm meeting with her once a week, which is good because she's offering up good advice. She told me last week that if I wanted to parent I could do it (she's a single mom too) and if I wanted to place the baby she'd be behind me every step of the way. I haven't had any contact with my ex or his parents, which is helping out a lot too, and my mom is really starting to come around, I think she realizes just how much I'm going through right now. Once again thank you guys so much, I still haven't fully decided either way, I'd love to parent but I have to do what's best for myself and the little one.

You should try to parent and if it doesnt work out you can always place later.

Katie, You have received lots of wonderful input here. I hope that can hear it. I particularly liked the comment about it being better to be up with a crying baby, than up crying for a baby that you relinquished. I am so glad the social worker seems helpful - but, if she is with an agency, be really careful that even in subtle ways that she does not exert any pressure on you to place your baby. If she or anyone asks if you "want what is best for your baby", tell them you do and you know that YOU are what is best. You said that though you want to parent, you want to also do what is best for your baby. What is best for you is also what is best for the baby. Do not let anyone guilt you into placing your baby because of your current circumstances. Though it has become a cliche, it is true that adoption is a permanent solution for a temporary problem. Your life situation will improve - there are many resources available to help you - reach out and there are many people willing to help you. If you want to parent and don't, you run the risk of spending your life with deep pain and regrets. I lost a son to adoption 36 years ago and I will painfully regret it till my last breathe. Raising a child alone is not easy - but living without your child in your life is a million times harder. I have raised a child on my own and relinquished one. Had I known that the anguish of losing my child would have lingered for so many years - I'd have done anything to have kept him. Single moms work, go to school and fulfill all the goals and dreams they strive for - it's harder with a child - but, you can do anything if you work hard enough. Being a mom does NOT ruin one's life - that is an excuse some people may use. Being a mom can provide a woman with such joy and fulfillment. Relinquishing a child though wounds and scars women in ways that last a lifetime. You do not forget a child, you do not easily go on with your life and while the pain may lessen - it may also get worse over the years. The recovery from relinquishing a child takes many years, lots of therapy and even then it is never an experience that one completely "gets over". If you want to parent your baby, be persistent and take all the help offered you. You sound like a strong woman - that's what it will take - just keep telling yourself that you can do it! Good luck, Katie! P.S. I just noticed that you do not have that much college left. That is such a plus for you! In a couple of years, your situation will be SO different - you will either be a mom or a birth mom still suffering from the loss of her child.

You answered your own question almost. If you give in and do what your family wants - and give your baby up - they may be fine - but will you? Plus, they may change their minds too once the baby is born. If not, find others who can and will support you to parent your baby. Losing your family is better/easier than losing your baby - of that I am certain. You must do what is in your heart - pleasing them will not make up for not having your baby. That I can guarantee!

Hi Katie ..... wow I have to say that you are an amazing girl! I have been reading all the postings from you and the support of others - and - I wanted to be able to offer some kind words too.I am sorry about the rocky road you have had especially with your mom. I havent always had the best relationship with my mom and I know how it feels. It sounds like you found support on these boards, I know it isnt the same - but it is still nice to know that there are wonderful supportive people out there. I too find support on these boards - for our situation.You sound like a fantastic woman who has the best interest of your child in mind. I admire you for that very much so!!!I would suggest that you do what is best for you and your baby!!! There is alot of help available out there.Please keep us posted .... and I wish you peace and happiness with your decision :) If you need to 'chat' or need someone to talk to .... I have IM (see profile) ......... GOOD LUCK Kate and God Bless !!! Jackie