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We have a situation where we have had 3 sibs in the house for over a year. They did not come from a great situation, and living here, the past few months have been stressful (reguarding the oldest and his influence on the household.)
the oldest sib has left to be placed with an relative.
The relationship between the oldest and the 4 year old wasn't the greatest, because of past abuse. Yet, they were pleasant to each other for the most part, and the 4 year old stayed away from the older child. The only bond between any of the 6 children involved could be discribed as 'warped' to non-existant.
My husband and I have been a little surprised by the reaction of the 4 year old, in reguards to his older brother leaving. We thought there would be tears of some sort, mixed emotions, perhaps a little anger.
We knew there was no love-loss or loyalty between the two and since therapy, the four year old has definately been sticking up for himself and his rights. (Much to the dismay of the older brother!)
Yet, we were not prepared for the joy - the giddyness - the sheer liberation that the four year old has displayed since. Even the 2 year old seems happy! (although I believe he is just copying his brother's reaction...by the way, the 4 year old and the 2 year olds brother bond seems to have developed in a more positive way)
This upbeat emotional release wasn't just displayed after the brother left, but even a couple days before, when we 'prepared' the four year old with the news. He was really excited.
When we have asked him, he says he does not love his brother and is glad he is gone. Now, he really won't be hurt anymore.
He did not even care to say good-bye. (Though he knows he will continue to see him at visitation).
Is this positive emotional release normal?
Should we wait for the perverbial other shoe to drop?
Do you think that once he sees his brother at visitation, he may get upset?
Should we encourage his newly discovered happiness, or should we try to down play it a bit? ("Now, you know deep down inside you love your brother and will sometimes miss him.")
Any thoughts?
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If the relationship was based on abuse and control he may really just feel free. One of my twins abused the other and when he left for the RTC, the other suddenly came to life and has stayed that way. My other twin is back home and his brother continues to be self assured but needed the seperation to heal.
On the other side, the four year olds reaction could show lack of attachment. Or, he may experience grief later. While I think he should visit his brother(supervisied closely for now), I would expect him to act up after visits as he may not have the language use to express the different emotions this could stir.
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