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I am in the early stages of reunion. I have email contact with my bio mother. I am now ready to write a letter to my bio father- who, upon hearing of my birth, my bio mother never heard from again. That was 1969.
Fast forward to 2014 and my bio parents are in their 70's.
I really want my initial contact letter to present a good first impression. What are some suggestions for me to specifically include and avoid in my first contact letter? I do not want my letter to come off demanding, obtuse, threatening, or defensive in any way. I want it to be peaceful and concise.
Also, if bio father does not want anything to do with me, how long should I wait before I circumvent him to meet my 1/2 siblings?
TIA :)
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Hi there. I too am in the midst of a reunion with my birth father and sent the following email to him back in Oct. 2013. I hope it helps and I want to wish you the best of luck in your search.
Hello. My name is {insert name}. I was adopted shortly after my birth on March 11, XXX from (insert city and state} by a Florida State University couple. My adoptive parents raised me well and provided a loving home and wonderful life for me. However, I have been curious and searching for my biological parents since high school. Over the years, I have learned that my mother was inset name, who died prior to me being able to meet her (See attached picture). Recently, I had an occasion to visit one of my sisters Aunt name, who gave me a picture of my mother and alleged father taken at a family gathering (see attached).
From pictures, discussions and visits with relatives (my two brothers--name and name, and Aunt {insert name} in blank City), and my genealogical research (which is supported by my adoptive parents), I am lead to believe that you are my biological father.
I am emailing you today to ask if you would be willing to make contact with me. My husband, daughter, and I now live and work in City, state, a town right outside of city, state. Please know that my motivation is only to close the loopӔ on my missing ancestry and perhaps get to know you, if you are willing. Please respond to my email address or feel free to call me at xxx-xxx-xxxx if this is a possibility for you. I really hope to hear from you, I do. But please know, I understand that this is a lot to take in and I do not mean to interrupt your life at all. I just couldn't go the rest of my life living with the regret of never reaching out to you.
Sincerely,
Adoptee
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I reunited with my dad 1.5 years ago.
I know your parents are in their 70s, so I understand the feeling of urgency.... You haven't said how young your relationship is with your mother.
A great piece of advice that I heard over and over again is to establish one relationship at a time. Reunions tend to be emotional and to deal with it from all sides can be too much at one time. Most have a difficult time dealing with just one reunion.
As far as the letter, it should be representative of you.
You've said exactly what you want to write. After you've written it, make sure that it isn't "demanding, obtuse, threatening, or defensive in any way." Then, put it down for while, maybe a couple of days, and go back to it later. Reread it. Does it still sound the way you want it to sound?
Be you. Be honest. Be kind.
L4R
I reunited with my dad 1.5 years ago.
I know your parents are in their 70s, so I understand the feeling of urgency.... You haven't said how young your relationship is with your mother.
A great piece of advice that I heard over and over again is to establish one relationship at a time. Reunions tend to be emotional and to deal with it from all sides can be too much at one time. Most have a difficult time dealing with just one reunion.
As far as the letter, it should be representative of you.
You've said exactly what you want to write. After you've written it, make sure that it isn't "demanding, obtuse, threatening, or defensive in any way." Then, put it down for while, maybe a couple of days, and go back to it later. Reread it. Does it still sound the way you want it to sound?
Be you. Be honest. Be kind.
It took me a week and three drafts to do this, but I shared a little about myself (enough to say "not looking for money, have a good job and good life") and said that I'd really like to have some medical and family history, and if possible, to get to know him.
Just give yourself space to re-read what you've written -- or ask a trusted friend.