family of 2 soon to be 5

I am so excited to hear of your extreme generosity of welcoming 3 siblings into your home! How lucky they are that you are willing to keep them united, while providing an incredible future! My best friend is adopting 3 siblings from Russia ages 12, 11 and 4. She has 3 kids of her own, but has enough love to go around. I could not afford the adoption process and have decided to physically be there to help her with hers! If you have enough love in your heart to bring 3 kids home, there is nothing anyone can say to you via email to guide you. You've got it in you! These are very lucky children! Guide them with your heart. Please keep me posted on how their return goes. My friends kids should be home this summer. Marianne

How wonderful! You might want to post on the adopting an older child board too (I think there is a board like that :) ). We adopted two biologically non-related infant boys from Guatemala and brought them home in June '04.... so I don't know if I have much advice to give you other than.... line up support lines now. You and your husband are so incredibly lucky/blessed to have found your kids, but honestly, right now is the easy time. Once they get home, don't feel guilty if you have feelings of inadequacy or if you feel like you may have made a mistake. Don't feel badly if you don't feel that instantaneous bond either. It will probably take some time. I will be sending good thoughts your way. Please check in with us and let us know how you are doing pre and post bringing your kids home. :) Jen

Wow...we went from a family of 3 to a family of 5 early in January...it's been an adjustment for all of us! Our toddler has finally begun to acknowledge me...he bonded straightaway with my dh, but I was persona non grata for over 1 month. I think I've finally graduated to a role of "babysitter"...but am still no where near "mama". Our baby is just a joy and it's nice to know that for him, I'm MAMA! I love the way his eyes light up when he sees me. It's funny, I read about us not feeling instantaneous bonds to our children and realize that it is sometimes the same with them. For our little Alex (from Guatemala), my skin tone and hair color are just wrong...and it's sometimes a little painful to feel all this love for a child that obviously doesn't yet feel the same for me. I guess my advice is to just be prepared for a period of transition, don't set up any expectations, and just love these children to the best of your ability because bonding really is a process, not an event. Also, make sure you have some support lined up for those moments when you need the help. Your kids are older and should be able to self-help to a great extent, but you are still going to need "you" time and "couple" time, so try to make sure you find the time to nourish yourselves. Beyond that, enjoy your new family! What a blessing they will be to you!

Keep the advice coming! It is so nice to hear from people that have dealt (are dealing) with the same things we will hopefully be dealing with in a couple of months. Pam: everything you said really made me think. It was love at first sight with my soon to be kids but I am worried also about the bonding once we get them home.

You must be feeling so nervous and excited and anxious to get them home all at once! We went from a family of 5 to a family of 7 (I'm still not used to it!) this past summer. Our new ones were still babies when they came home from Guatemala, so I'm sure you will have different joys and challenges to face in your homecoming. But I wanted to second what Jen said about not being surprised if you feel inadequate. Although I fell in love with my babies from the moment I saw their pictures, I didn't feel like their "mommy" until sometime after they came home. The best advice about bonding that I got while waiting for my two was no matter if you feel instant love or some indifference, if you feel like the babysitter or the mommy....just meet their needs. And if you keep meeting their needs, you will eventually feel that mommy love. That advice kept me going at points when I wondered if I'd ever feel like their mommy. I can tell you that it works! I never believed people when they would tell me they forgot who was adopted and who was born into the family....but it is so true. At some point, you move from friendly stranger to loving mommy without even knowing it. Congratulations to you! How very blessed you are! Kim PS. Please keep us posted! I can't wait to hear about your homecoming!!!

You are awesome!! I have no real advice to add but I just want to say what special people you must be to bring home three older children who need you. God bless you for it! I have three bio children at home. Once some guy I met, who had 5 kids, told me "One is great, two is awesome, but when they start to outnumber you, you're in trouble!" lol I have to admit he was right, but in a good way. :)

Thank you to all of you that have posted thus far with either adivce or happy wishes. we are so very excited to get our kids home. We have finally started to do their rooms. it is so much fun!!!!! As i'm running out the door for more paint now i will have to let you know what were doing later. Again thank you so, very much.

We have 3 school age kids, and we set out last year to adopt a wonderful 10 year old boy from Guatemala. Over the course of the adoption, we have been given the green light to adopt his 2 year old brother and his infant sister as well! So our family is realllllllly expanding. Gulp! It's an exciting adventure. We've spent one visit with them so far, and we head down there for visit #2 tomorrow.MelissaG

How exciting for all of you! Please post about your trip Melissa, when you return. We grew quickly from a family of 4, to a family of 7 almost three years ago. Since then we have added two more beautiful children, and are in the process of adding baby #8! NEVER in my life, did I dream we would adopt more than one child. We are thrilled with all the beautiful little ones God has blessed us with. Not much advice, as our children were babies when we brought them home, but I would love to hear your Gotcha Day stories!