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Hi :)
We brought home our boys then ages 3 and 4 and we had a 22 month old bio son.
The one best thing we did is stagger bedtimes. Bio son was used to having a 20 minute or so cuddle/story/song time before bed. We kept that up (using this as the only tv time of the day for the other two). Then we did the same thing with 3 year old and then with 4 year old. Bedtime was LONG and exhausting but it worked well to ensure each child got designated bonding time with mom.
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We stagger bed times too and our baby actually stays up later. Since our toddler requires more of our interactive time, it is a fun quiet time after she goes to bed to play with our baby. We have family time, then toddler time... then toddler bed time with a book and "tuck tuck" routine and then baby time. It is nice and girls get very used to their routine.
Hi!
We adopted our 2 children this past summer from Russia. They were 11 months and 23 months at the time. I have to say that I think it took us longer to bond than if we had adopted one at a time. Perhaps it had something to do with their different developmental stages, and their different PI issues. And the fact that I was completely overwhelmed as a first-time mom!
My daughter (11 months) wouldn't let me put her down for the first month. She wouldn't let anyone else near her, including dh. That made it really hard for me to bond with my son. (And for my dh to bond with our daughter.) And it was difficult to give my son enough attention during the day when I was alone with both kids. And he desperately needed individual attention in order to work on some attachment issues he has.
What worked for us? Mostly it was just giving it enough time. It took us about 6 months to fully bond with our son. I do put my daughter down for her nap first and then I snuggle with my son and play little games with our faces, little piggies, etc. It's really good bonding time for us and it calms him before his nap. At night we have our routine, all read books together, and then dh and I each take a little one and go snuggle/rock them to sleep (we rotate every other night who we snuggle with.) It works for us cause dh really wants to be involved in putting the kids to bed. We also each sign-up for a different parent-child class on Saturdays (i.e. swimming, tumbling, etc.) When it's time to sign up for a new class, we rotate kids. DH also rotates taking the kids out to run errands with him. I guess we do a lot of rotating! :)
I'm glad I found this area of the board!
Kelly
Kim,
Thanks for these great threads!
I have to admit that before we brought the boys home, I did not really think that bonding would be a problem. We brought Nic and Eli home at 6 1/2 and 8 months (together at the same time). I was a first time Mom too and I was really, entirely overwhelmed. My husband was only able to stay home for the first week, then he had to go back to work. I had quit my job and wasn't used to being "anchored" at home if you know what I mean. I was used to doing what I wanted to do when I wanted to do it during my free time. DId I say I was overwhelmed? It was really hard for me just to meet the boys physical needs at first.... feeding, diapering, getting them into a nap routine, bathing, etc, etc. Then there was always the clean up and laundry too. And I was sleep deprived.... I certainly wasn't used to getting less than 7 hours sleep a night. Oftentimes at first, the boys would get up AT LEAST one time a night, sometimes twice. I was frazzled for the first 8 weeks. I don't think I even knew how to play with a baby! My husband would come home at night, and the boys loved it. He would play with them. I called him Mr Fun and Excitement and was secretly very jealous. I never expected to be the second favorite, especially when I spent so much time with them. But looking back on the first 8 weeks that the boys were here... I can see that I was too focused on the "routine" and not focused on the boys.
Something clicked inside me after the first 8 weeks. I stopped worrying about what other people thought and said about parenting the boys.... my boys! I started to enjoy them, and I think they started to enjoy me too. I hate to admit this, but one week I really got pissed off at my family, and didn't visit anyone... It was just me, the boys, and their dad. It was such a wonderful week! I sometimes wonder (now) if the boys thought they were adopted by 10 people rather than just two. When we adopt again, John and I are definitely going to cocoon and bond with the child, having no visitors for a few weeks. I think that will help the bonding process. I wouldn't change a thing about us adopting two at once... but in the future, we are going to adopt one at a time. :)
These days (the boys have been home about 7 1/2 months) things seem to be going really well. It took a while, but I certainly feel like a Mom.
Sorry for the ramble...
Jen