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Today it hit me. I have a fs, who has been with us since he was 2 months old, he will be one soon. I have enjoyed every minute. I got to see his 1st roll over, his 1st time eating solids, 1st time he sat by himself, the 1st time he crawled, his 1st tooth, the 1st time he called me momma, 1st time he stood up and his 1st steps. It was amazing. He is my youngest placement--and Im sooo happy to see his first. Every morning when I open his door to his room I great him with a smile and big HI! Today when I opened the door and said Hi he gave me a huge smile and said HI! I froze and then jumped up and down and said Yeah u said hi. I picked him up and told my husband. We were soooo proud. Then it hit. OMG he will be going home in a month or two and it tore my heart. This was different from other foster couse they were shooting for adoption and I was starting to see him as my son and on Thur they told me that they changed their mind and will be sending home with his father asap. My heart just broke, but like a good f-mom I put a smile on my face and said "Oh how wonderful". Im soo confused, Im happy that he will be raised by his father, but yet I have doubts. I wish him a safe happy life with lots of love, he will always have our love. Im soo disappointed with the cw. Why did they give me hope. But then I remeber any child that comes to my home is a 50/50 chance. I am blessed with my 2 yr foster son, who hopefully will be adopted by november and I know there is another child out there that will be mine. In the meantime I will enjoy all the children in my home and have wonderful memories of all my children. This little guy have given me wonderful memories that I will never forget. If one would ask me if I would do it again knowing how much my heart aches at this moment Id say yes its worth it.
Sorry so long, but I know you all have been through this and even though we have sooo many heart breaks, it is the hope that we have for these children, wether its going back home or to a new home, that keeps us going. This is not my first heartbreak and i know it wont be my last, but to see in my mind every smile and have soo many wonderful memories is a true blessing. I want to say to all f-parents to keep up the wonderful work you all do. Never let your hope and dreams die. Bless all of you for the hard work knowing that you all do it with your hearts.
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shycar, what a lovely post. I know your heart is breaking but you have made such a HUGE difference for this little guy. You have given him the gift of attachment that will last his lifetime.
I will keep you all in my prayers. I'm sure the worker didn't intentionally deceive you and felt adoption was the plan.
You have everything it takes to be a wonderful foster parent and the kids you are meant to parent forever will be with you when they are meant to be.
Best of everything.
Michelle
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Shycar,
So sorry for the pain you are experiencing. LAJCRC is right--the gift of attachment you have given this child is priceless. Thanks to you, he will be able to have loving relationships. Without that, what is life for?
Also, not to complicate your emotional situation, but the fact that they are working toward reunification is by no means a guarantee that that is what will happen. Changing who you are in a fundamental way--which is what birth parents have to do to get their kids back--is very, very difficult. Think of all the broken New Year's resolutions, all the diets gone awry, all the smokers who have tried again and again to stop smoking. And this is with otherwise healthy people! Most, if not all, of the birth parents in the system have experienced terrible suffering in their lives and are broken inside in some significant way. At least in our state, it is the rare birth parent who reunifies with their child.
I of course don't know the specifics of your situation--maybe this father has gotten his life together, or at least together enough "for government work" as the expression goes. And living with the possibility, however remote, that your child will be leaving, is so difficult. True fostering is so, so hard, so sacrificial. I really admire you for doing this. It is more than we were capable of--no one thought our kids were going home, and we had TPR this month. I respect and honor your tremendous sacrifice for this child and the children before him. God bless you for your true commitment to children, which is so much deeper than the commitment of those who say, "Oh, I could never foster, I'd get too attached." People say this as if it means they are made of more sensitive material than foster parents--so not true. We who are not capable of doing the pure fostering, where the children are returned to their birth families, are not more sensitive. We are less stout-hearted. I will say a prayer for you and your little guy.
tybeemarie
God bless you for your true commitment to children, which is so much deeper than the commitment of those who say, "Oh, I could never foster, I'd get too attached." People say this as if it means they are made of more sensitive material than foster parents--so not true.
Thank you all for your encouraging words. Its true time does heal and I will be left with wonderful memories. Today I got a picture fram where you put lots of small pictures. I put one of every child placed in my home. It was wonderful to go back and remember all the good times we have had. I have albums of all, but I wanted something on the wall so those who come to my home will see the blessing I have had. Its beutiful. All the children so different, yet all with smiles on their faces. I want my family to see their faces and understand that all my heart aches is worth to put smiles on those little faces. Thank you all again and bless you all.
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Hello:
My name is Linda and my heart goes out to you. We have been in the dark ever since our little foster dauthter has come to our in last October. All I know is that she was abandoned and her mother was using drugs. She has had so many social workers, and they never tell us anything. Every two months they tell me she is going home and we never hear from them until two months later. Today, I go to a "decision making hearing??" I have no I idea what that is. I don't know what to expect. I'm so nervous. They daid her mother will be there. Do you have any clues??
Sending you,
loves, peace, and light
Linda
Motherearth-- My heart goes out to you. There is nothing worse then no knowing what is going to happen. In this hearing they probably will decide if they leave the plan for reunification - and see how mom is doing and how much more time she needs- or if they decide to change the plan for adoption. I know its too late for the answer since you probably went to the hearing. I would like to hear what happened, today my fs had decision hearing. I couldnt make it couse I could not find a sitter and the cw has not called like she promised to let me know how it went. Today they were to determine if he would go home soon or wait a little longer. Ill find out tomorrow. Good luck.
Hi Shycar: :)
Thank-you for your reply.
The same thing happened to me about the sw. She called me around 10:00 and told me she made a mistake about the time and that it will be at 11:00 instead of 1:00. I did not have a baby sitter for that time and was not able to attend. But she allowed me to do it by phone. I could hear everything and they could hear me. It went just as you said, but the resolution was to have the mom come over here for 4 hours a week and me to go to her home for 4 hours a week. I dont know how that is going to work at all. :confused: I have some doubts since the mom does not really want to have anything to do with me.
I find that each person has a different set of rules when fostering. I used to think that everyone did the same thing, but that has only caused me more confusion and misunderstanding.
Foster Parents are a very special type of people. We open our hearts, allow it to be vunerable and let it hurt for the sake of the children. Hopefully our love will show and the birth parents can realize how special the child is.
Let me know how things go.
motherearth
Well the cw called. They all agreed for T to go home with his dad. Condition is mom will not be allwoed to visit with out it being supervised by a case aid. He will start having visits for 4 hours on weekends with dad. Then move them to spending the night and then perm. The cw is not sure when to move perm she needs to talk to the gal. But I guess around a month. Im heart brocken, but yet happy that he gets to be with his dad. He is a very nice man and he really love his son.
Motherearth-Do you have to suppervise the visit? Has she ever visited her daughter before? Im always surprised when they have the foster parents supervise visits. I have never had to supervise a visit and if they asked me I prob would say no. I dont know, but I think I would not feel right supervising a parent and their child. Here when a child has supervised visit it means that the person who supervise has to determine if the bonding is going well that the parent is parenting right and need to make suggestion how to parent better. I dont think Id be confortable telling a bio parent if they are parenting right or not to their child. We can not give our telephone number, unless there is phone contact, and they can not know where we live. If we have to call the parents like I do, the cw told me to block my call so he can not get my number, even if I dont mind dad getting it. How do you feel about supervising the visit if thats what you are doing?
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