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I am so happy to have found my birth parents. Now I have the problem of telling my adoptive parents. I want to tell them because I don't want to keep a "deep down secret" from them and it is beginning to knaw at me. They are my parents, they raised and supported me but I am going to have a relationship with my bparents. The thing is I don't have a good relationship with my aparents. We have a very strained and negative relationship but put on a nice and courteous polite front for the people around us. Two years ago I hinted to my amom that I was searching and she was very upset but kept it under control because my wife was with me. We just don't get along. They desperately try to be in my life, but it is in an intimidating and manipulative way that I will not tolerate and they hate my wife. So I am not sure if I should tell them but my wife told my cousin who she adores and loves and shares everything! This cousin hates my parents and so does her mother, my mother's sister. She told her mother and I know that my aunt is just dying to throw it in my mom's face. I have sworn her to secrecy until I tell them. I need to do so soon but I am not sure how. I don't want them to find out from my aunt.
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Really I think the best answer is to just be honest with them. Tell them that you love them and did not find them to be hurtful.. but that you just wanted a relationship with them and that you hope that they will understand and be supportive.. They will likely need some "assurance" that they are still your "parents".. just try to understand that they may be hurt and may also need some TLC.. just like you will need some from them. To me.. this is just as important as an aparent telling a child that they are adopted.... scary thing to do for fear of losing them.. but something that you really need to do. Good luck
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Hello: You need to tell your aparents about finding your bfamily especially since some people are aware of it already and it will be better coming from you. My son struggled with the same isssue's of telling his afamily that he had been reuntied with us (his bfamily). He held it from them as long as he could without going insane and finally just told them it was his life, he loved and respected them (aparents) nothing is going to change but that at 32 he also had a right to happiness and choose whom he will and won't associate with. WE all make those choices in everyday life and we all deserve that right. What is wrong with having so many people love you? Its an extended family and your aparents will just have to accept that. You have the right to your happiness and they are being selfish if they are trying to deny you that. Tell them, they won't stop loving you and neither will you stop caring for them, this will just make your life a whole lot happier with more wonderful people to share your life with. Good Luck.............Cathy