Help! My daughter GOES to EVERYONE!!

How long has your daughter been home with you? And how old is she? Our kids did the same thing and are still a bit too friendly for my tastes now but have improved greatly in this area. One thing we did in the beginning was limit outside contact greatly. Didn't eat out for a few months actually, or go a lot of places. Wanted to focus on us being the only ones they would be around. With our 4 & 5 year old at the time, we could verbally tell them they couldn't hug strangers and made it a rule that they had to stay right by our side at all times to help them remember this rule. Had to ask our permission before doing anything really. Was a pain at times, but it really helped. Our younger ones didn't really understand the verbal instruction so we held them a lot in public or kept them in their strollers to minimize physical contact. Sounds harsh but until they really bonded with us and knew that we were the ones they could trust, it was necessary. I'm sure others will have more ideas for you! It's a frustrating thing at times. Crick

She is 17 months old and we brought her home at 11 months. So, she's been home six months. I will try to limit her to strangers, but it's hard. We have a 12 month old too and next weekend is his birthday. There will be LOTS of strangers and there is NO WAY I will be able to police it. Thankfully most are family, but still, I feel like she should be wary of the people she doesn't see all the time. EVEN FAMILY.

Kids go through phases. When my dd was very young (6 months) she was extremely friendly and drew attention EVERYWHERE we went. When she was around 12 months, stranger anxiety kicked in and she was such a Momma's girl. She's two now and her willingness to go to certain strangers scares me to death. Your dd is really young to assume too much, but a friendliness to strangers AND disregard for mom and dad can be a sign of an attachment disorder. It can also be symptom of alcohol exposure (do you know if she was exposed?). Again, she's young to jump to conclusions, but exposed kiddos often have trouble setting personal boundaries -- hence, the high teen pregnancy rate amongst FASD kids. It's more likely that it's just a phase, and once she gets through it, you'll be wishing she would give you some space :p.

Our son was placed at exactly one year of age and we expereinced this a lot.... I will never forget the family gathering when he hurt himself and was on his way to me----but Aunt Jayne was in the path and he stopped at her for his needed boo-boo kiss....That was when I realized that as well as our bond was--He still saw me as an equal to any old mommy that might be in his path.... Our first effort started with Drawing in the circle around him and limiting his confusion by NOT having as much outside of the house activity for a while.... We also stopped allowing anyone other then ME to meet his needs for a few weeks... Not long--but time to learn that I was his super hero mommy and not anyone else.... I also made sure for a period of time that I "over reacted" to every little bump and bobble that happened to him.... If dad was playing downstaris and I heard him cry from an ouch I would FLY though the house and swoop him up into my arms and really OVER Do it..... As time progressed I worked with some KEY people by letting them KNOW that we needed Jeremiah to depend on me for his needs....and that as difficult as it was to ask them--would they please reject his desire for hugs, kisses and laps for awhile... A few good friends and family members went the extra mile and were able to play Hi-Five and other NICE games with him....and would walk him over to me any chance they had.... Having some people who can understand and reinforce the fact that your child has a Mommy and what mommies are for is important.... He is three now and he is well attached--there are still sometimes a few situations where he indicates that another person might be equal or even have more authoirty then I do... I saw this yesterday at the Store when I told him "No" about a candy and he actually tried to ask the clerk "Please..." With his pre-school I have taken time to have them help me.... And to limit the hugs and kisses he gets from them.... Occasionally we arrange for 'situations' where ONLY mommy can help--and he when he gets into a jamb they call his mommy because she is the ONLY one who can help her little boy with this problem.... We have used this situation often when he gets his clothes a mess and needs a change--instead of my keeping something in his bag--a big deal is made about how mommy will be here right away to take care of this problem.... With complete strangers I have had issues....who doesn't want to hold the sweetest cutest baby on earth? So for that I have some small business cards which say "We have just adopted this little boy and he needs you to not hug, pick him up or confuse him until he Knows I am his mommy" Usually people are more then happy and get the clue and are able to reinforce the fact that his Mommy sure does love him....

I know exactly how you feel! My daughter is almost 4 and still has issues. I have told all family members they are not allowed to pick her up (even when she gives them that super sweet smile) and if she asks them for anything, they are to tell her "you need to ask Mommy for that". They have all been really understanding and it has helped a lot. You definitely need to set boundaries but it's so hard when out in public and she wants to hug people and they eat it up. She was diagnosed with attachment issues early on so we have worked very hard. She will always be outgoing (something I am not) but I try to find a compromise - she knows EVERY checker by name at the market and can talk to them but is not allowed to touch anyone. Keep up the one on one and eye contact. It's so important. Good luck and hang in there!

I know this is a complicated and emotionally charged issue, but before we assume that stranger friendliness is a sign of an attachment issue, we should remember that children are all different and have different personalities. Some are just naturally outgoing and very friendly.My ds (now 14) was always super outgoing and friendly with strangers. I should say that he didn't know what a stranger was. He knew that I was mommy, but was ok with going to friends and other family members. I guess as I was his birthmother, it never occured to me that it was a sign of confusion or an attachment issue.I am adopting in Sept, so I may look at this from a completely different perspective at that point, but just wanted to share my experiences.Melissa