Interesting article...good points?

By Adele Horin February 26, 2005 The stories told by mothers who gave their children up for adoption are unbearably painful. For decades no one wanted to listen to these "relinquishing" mothers who fell pregnant in the 1950s, '60s and '70s. They were often sent away from home, gave birth in cruel circumstances and then were expected to act as if nothing had happened. I have been re-reading some of their stories, given in testimony to inquiries such as the 1992 NSW Law Reform Commission review of the Adoption Act, and the 2000 inquiry by the social issues committee of the NSW Legislative Council into adoption practice between 1950 and 1998. It is impossible not to feel the women's suffering. Given no access to abortion, these young women and girls were told adoption would end the trauma for them, and then discovered it was only the beginning. In the afterglow of Tony Abbott's re-union with his son, Daniel O'Connor, it would be easy to imagine that adoption is a win/win situation in such cases. It would be easy for anti-abortion campaigners to use the story to further their cause. One such campaigner, Melinda Tankard Reist, has likened Daniel to "the one that got away", a "silent living rebuke of abortion" Behind conservative opposition to abortion lies the none-too-subtle demand that pregnant girls who don't want a baby should give up their infant to deserving infertile couples. The latest to link the two issues is the NSW Liberal backbencher Danna Vale, who wants a national inquiry into abortion, and says it's "heartbreaking" how difficult it is for childless couples to adopt. Surrendering a child for adoption is not a neat alternative to abortion. We have learnt nothing from recent history if society once again puts pressure on pregnant young women to take the adoption route by making abortions less accessible. What happened to thousands of relinquishing mothers cannot be ignored or dismissed. They experienced not the promised "clean break" but enduring pain. "I believe nobody can understand the years of guilt and torment a birth mother goes through as she literally pines for her lost child," a woman told the NSW Law Reform Commission. Another said: " 'Go home and forget,' they said. In my heart I never gave my baby away. She was with me always - in my thoughts and dreams and in my heart ... so many questions, so much heartache, grief and guilt." Many women felt betrayed by a society that told them to give their children away for their own good, and then made them feel ashamed of it afterwards. "It is not surprising," writes Evelyn Robinson, a relinquishing mother turned counsellor, "that so many of them come to feel that they have never quite regained their equilibrium." It may be that the history of this period is written by the women who suffered, and those who regained inner peace stay silent. An influential independent study of Australian relinquishing mothers, done in 1984, found that of 213 women interviewed, some had made an adjustment but many others suffered devastating effects. The women had not been able to put their problems behind them. And when Sarah Armstrong of the Post-Adoption Resource Centre cold-calls relinquishing mothers on behalf of the adult children who are looking for them, she finds that under the most accomplished surface is searing pain. "Theirs is not a matter of wondering what the child's hobby may be; it's gut-wrenching stuff." And reunions with an adult child, for all the excitement, and questions put to rest, do not necessarily end a mother's grieving for the baby she never knew. These women gave birth in hypocritical times and suffered a loss that could not be openly acknowledged. In their silent grief, they found little support. Today it would be different in some respects. There would be counselling and none of the overt cruelties of the past. No one would put a pillow over a woman's face to hide the sight of her newborn, for example. But there would still remain the unforgettable experience of pregnancy and birth, the child in the world. And the trauma of giving that wriggling, wrinkled bundle away. It is little wonder that as the 1970s ended and women could avail themselves of either an abortion, the single parent pension or adoption, the number of children relinquished for adoptions fell dramatically. Tankard Reist argues that some women suffer similar grief after abortions. I have no reason to doubt that. With an estimated 2000 terminations a week, it is probable some women have profound regrets, especially if they are coerced. But 10 years ago, researchers Lyndall Ryan, of Flinders University, and Margie Ripper, of the University of Adelaide, found in a study of 100 women that most felt overwhelming relief about their abortion. In the current crusade against abortion, led by Tony Abbott, the assumption is that more young women, given "independent" counselling or denied easy access to abortion or Medicare funding, would relinquish their babies. No man could know what that feels like, how it colours a woman's life, punches a hole right in the middle of it. It is not a neat alternative. Women should not be forced down that road again by restricting access to abortion. Reading the testimonies of relinquishing mothers is another reminder of why women should be left to decide when, if and in what circumstances they become mothers. It is not for male lawmakers and male churchmen to limit their choices.