still mad about my dad and B/son

Parents can be so unkind so I do sympathise with that but have you talked to you bson's parents about this? Are they concerned about what he said? If nothing has been said between you and them try bringing up the subject of your dad's visit casually in conversation. It's possible that they didn't take a lot of notice of what he said anyway. Although my bson's adoption was closed I know from experience how unkind family can be as my bson found my family long before I found him by accident. My sister told him nasty things about me which he now doesn't believe fortunately and my family didn't tell him where I was living or me that he had contact. I had fallen out with them so there was no contact for almost three years but both of us were annoyed with my family when we were reunited. I know this wont make you feel any better but at least you will know you're not alone with having problems with your father. Talking about it is a good idea though otherwise it will only fester - the fact that you're still annoyed now says it all. Montravia :)

momtraviatommyg-I'm just wondering how you delt with your family after you knew how they decieved you. All of my family is kinda like, "get over it" eventhough nothing was ever resolved. My situation is not nearly has bad as yours was, but I still find it very disrespectful. Oh yes, and I did talk to the A-mom and she made it sound as if nothing was really said, but then my dad told other family members very private and personal drama he shared with them. I think the A-mom was put in an awkward situation, so I asked her to not give my family members private visits , and the visits could be aranged through me, like they had been for the last six years!

When I found out my family had deceived me I was initially very upset as was my bson and fortunately my husband was a great support but then he knows what they are like - my sister has caused him problems in the past. She is that nasty that she told my husband about my bson on the hope it would split us up - obviously it didn't work as it brought us closer together. Getting back to my bson we talked about why my family kept quiet and I put it down to maybe my parents didn't know if my husband had known about him altthough I couldn't excuse my sister. He accpted what I said and respected my wishes not to confront my parents as they are elderly and frail. It was in the early days of reunion and it was about this time I let my parents know in a letter (we still don't physically talk) my bson and I had contact as it took me time to get used to contact. I also wanted to be calm whenI told them I knew they had contact and they confirmed what I thought so all I can assume is that my sister didn't tell them I had contact. Even now when they tell me he has rung them they are quite stilted about it but I let it pass when I write and just keep them informed about how things are going as I have forgiven them for the past. With regards to my sister I leave well alone and don't talk about her to my bson as I volunteered information about my past to him so filled in the gaps she didn't tell him. Subsequently he believed my version of events and doesn't like or have contact with my sister - bearing in mind I didn't say anything nasty about her. I agree with you it is disrespectful of your father to do what he has done and like my sister he should keep his opinions to himself or discuss them with you. From experience I know how infuriating it is. As for getting over it this takes time - it took me 23 years of initially getting into reunion then talking about issues before I could forgive and get on with my life. I'm glad you spoke to a-mum particularly as it did, as you said, put her in a difficult situation. Bear in mind though she has built up a relationship with you though. If you want to ask anything else I'm quite happy to asnwer you as I find it does help to talk about things - it's good therapy for me :) .

I've just reunited with my daughter and one of my greatest fears is that my mother (she doesn't know yet) will do the same thing when I do finally tell her. My mother is the reason the adoption occured in the first place (ashamed of me, nasty little secret, would make the family look bad ... the works). She has always been abusive to me. I have given my daughter a little bit of insight about my mother without being too harsh, but I can only imagine if she were to do the same. I cringe at the thought.