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Originally Posted By Judyit has been a year now since my grandson was born and adopted. I had a really hard time accepting the apotion and still feel very sad whenever I think of him.I feel as if I'm grieving, as if he had died. My heart is very heavy and I wonder if I will ever get over this sadness and feeling of loss. If anyone knows of any self help reading please let me know.
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Originally Posted By AngelaI'm also a grieving grandmother. My first grandchild, a boy was given up for adoption twelve years ago at birth and I'm still grieving. My heart is sad, but I've been praying for my little grandson all these years. He has a great life, from the pictures we have been sent, but I hope he will someday look us up and want to meet his birth family. He looks so much like his birth family, that I hope and pray he will be in our lives someday. I'm just now going to write a long letter of love to him and put it in his file at the Adoption Agency and hope he finds it someday. He has a half-birth brother, seven years younger than he is and I'm raising him. I'm seven years older, but I could not go through another adoption. How much pain can one person take? I adore my little grandson, but I say in my heart that he is not my first grandson, he is my second and out there somewhere is his big brother. Pray for me.
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Originally Posted By GrandmaKatieI am new to the Board. I feel your pain and grievance. I know how you feel. I was able to care for my grandson for 2 yrs after he was born. We lost him to the adoption cycle when he was 4. He just turned 6 in November of 2000. Oh How i miss him. I died when they took him from me. I mean I literally died--i grieved and i grieved for months. I didn't think i would ever get back to normal. It has been 2 yrs now and i am finally getting back to the person i was before. I will never be that same person cause i have lost my first grandson--oh i was there at his birth. I CUT his Umbilical cord and i was the first one to hold him. I miss him so much. Lets keep in touch.
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Originally Posted By DorothyLast month my first grandson was born. We were there at the hospital and I was able to hold him for awhile. Even though we knew that he was to be adopted (too long of a story for here), I still wanted to see him. But, I never thought I could possibly feel such sadness and heartache. I will always miss him now and I feel such a loss. Strangely it seems that everyone in our family and a lot immediate friends are having their first granchildren now, and I am finding it very difficult to deal with this. Smiling and caring what is happening to them, while I am being torn apart by the loss my granchild. This is to be a semi-open adoption, but we have yet to receive any information. I would at least like to know what they called him. Is there anywhere on the net that helps grandparents in this situation? Sometimes I feel we have been left out of the equation and no one seems to care how we feel.
Originally Posted By DorothyDear Jaimie,Thank you for your concern. Sorry I have not been back to this site for awhile. Not sure what you mean about re-posting my message. Could you not read it? Anyways, since posting I have spoken briefly with my son's ex-girlfriend's caseworker. She didn't have much to say that I didn't already know, but I feel at least a line of communication has been opened. Everything must go through the agency. I have now found out his name and they have sent some pictures too. He will be a month old on Wednesday. The hurt is always there. I have decided to work on a cross-stitch sampler for him (as I do for all my friend's children) and hope that this will be a catharsis of sorts for the grief. Just knowing that he will have something from me, that I have made, will possibly help. Yesterday was a hard day for my son. I don't understand why everyone paints the birth family with one brush and the adoptive family with another. Do you know what I mean? Somehow the birth family are not supposed to care what has happened?! There seems to be little understanding that circumstances in life are not always black and white and sometimes the hardest decision to be made is not the easiest one to live with. Again I appreciate your concern. It is good share with someone else.Dorothy
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Originally Posted By JudyUnfortunately Judy I have no self help reading for you.I only have the same experience. I did not know that my daughter was pregnant! I found out 1 month after she delivered that he existed and that she had put him up for adoption. I don't understand it. I am trying to accept it,but can't. I feel now that I am going to ask the adoptive parents if I can see him. At first I decided I shouldn't because I didn't want to rock the boat for my daughter's "open" adaption. Now I feel that if she hasn't changed her mind by now, I am going to go for it. My daughter was hospitalized for depression after the birth and I am hoping that in some way that could help me get some visitation rights. Are you able to visit your grandson? I'd like to know. I am at SherylGuffrey@yahoo.com E-mail me anytime.
Originally Posted By JudyUnfortunately Judy I have no self help reading for you.I only have the same experience. I did not know that my daughter was pregnant! I found out 1 month after she delivered that he existed and that she had put him up for adoption. I don't understand it. I am trying to accept it,but can't. I feel now that I am going to ask the adoptive parents if I can see him. At first I decided I shouldn't because I didn't want to rock the boat for my daughter's "open" adaption. Now I feel that if she hasn't changed her mind by now, I am going to go for it. My daughter was hospitalized for depression after the birth and I am hoping that in some way that could help me get some visitation rights. Are you able to visit your grandson? I'd like to know. I am at SherylGuffrey@yahoo.com E-mail me anytime.
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Originally Posted By to Judy
I should think that is the way all Natural family members feel,toward a child that is missing from their lives.Nothing but heartache.I beleive it is actually worse than a death.A death you can accept and go on with your life.A missing child,you cannot.
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