Birthparents, what do you wish you had known?

May 8, 2005

[FONT=Times New Roman]I have decided to try to write something, a book? I doubt itmaybe an informational packet or something for Adoption.com, I havenŒt decided. AnywayIŒm writing, or have been, for a few weeks.

What Id like to know, birthparents, is what it is you wish you had known or what you wish you had been told but didnҒt think of until later.

Also, when making your decision to place, parent or abort, what were your feelings? How did you ultimately decide that your choice was the right choice and if it wasnt the right choice but you made it anyway, why do you feel that way? What has changed now in your life that makes that decision so hard to live with.

What I am hoping to write is an ғOptions piece, not an adoption piece. I want to address ALL of the optionsԅabortion, adoption and parenting. I want it to be a tool for those still struggling with the right decision, whatever that decision is. I dont want it to be an adoption-focused piece, like so many ғbirthparent oriented books are. Many speak from the place that youԒve already made the decision to placethatŒs not what I want.

Its apparent to me, even more so now, that so many people dont know what services are out there for them should they choose to parent. Its also obvious to me that so many are misinformed or ill-informed about adoption, openness and how it affects the rest of your life.

Granted, I am happy with my decision to place M in open adoption nine years ago, but I am not blind to the fact that there are many others who are not happy with the decision they felt they had to make at the time. I also realize that there are those people out there who placed (back in the baby scoop era) by force. I certainly donҒt want to discount those birthparents, but I am really hoping to get a real life, current depiction of what is out therethe options, the services, the feelings.

IŒd like to talk to some Semi-Open birthparents (Notice here, I am saying parents, not mothers. I want to talk to you guys too, so send me an email!) about how the arrangement is working for them.

Id like to talk to some Fully Open birthparents about how it makes you feel.

IҒd like to talk to parents who made an adoption plan, but choose to parent.

Id like to talk to birthparents who placed a second born.

IҒd like to talk to those whove had an abortion; IҒm not going to judge you. Ill be upfront, IҒve had one and Im not ashamed҅so dont feel like you cant talk to me.

IҒd like to talk to birthparents that placed in open adoption, but that open adoption was suddenly closed.

I want some outsideӔ viewsand I will absolutely positively credit you, if youŒd like for me to do that.

I dont want to write this piece from *my* view҅because that just wont workI guess IŒm kinda looking to collaborate with my forum friends, if that makes sense. There are no two stories alike, we all know that.

So, if youd like to help me, with or without recognition, itҒs your choice, I would be honored to hear from you. Please, use the Email link in my signature to send me an email, or you can PM me any time.

Thanks in advance everyone![/FONT]