Caucasian couple wanting to adopt biracial baby

We are a CC couple who have adopted seven times. Of the seven, four have been baby adoptions. Of those four, one has been adopted from Korea, one from Japan, and two that are AA. The first two babies are now grown and on their own. The last two are still toddlers. In regards to what challenges we might have faced, I'd like to 're-print' a post I recently made to another person asking about adopting transracially::::: Now I'll go out on a limb here....... While I think it's important for you to consider how this child will grow up.......it is more important (IMO).....for you to recognize how you both will feel about this child. Situations change. Neighborhoods change. (We live in a very rural area...predominately white......10 miles from the nearest college town that is more diverse.)......but, I can tell you that---for most of their years---we raised our first two within this environment, very successfully.....and they are Asian. Our youngest two are AA, and still toddlers. Yes, there are concerns. Yes, there will be some hurdles to overcome...but the bottom line in everything I have read is 'how will you deal with forever being a family of color?' Are you both prepared to cry, laugh and discuss with your child about this hard world of racism? Is there a chance that you will continually wish you had a bi-racial child, or CC baby instead? And....given that this baby might be AA......will you be disappointed that s/he might not have a lighter complexion, or more CC features? One of the saddest things I have seen...is when adoptive parents go into transracial adoption.....and continually try to make the child/baby seem 'lighter'.....try to 'play down' the darker complexion'........or read about the parents talking about 'how this baby just doesn't seem to be like ours......' These are the things I find more important. You can always find more people to be with, a new neighborhood, a different church, it's true. But, if there is even a twinge of 'gee, I wish s/he were lighter, or really CC'......then I think there are deeper issues here that need to be addressed before taking in any child of color. Please understand, I do not mean to offend you. I can appreciate that you're asking questions because you and your husband are taking this move seriously. (And this is good, because I don't think a lot of people do...) But, it's the 'gut-level' feeling I would be paying more attention to. After all......regardless of color, this baby/child/teen and adult will be depending on you to steer them through life, love them and be by their side. At the end of the day, it's that relationship that will be paramount in the scheme of things, I think. My best to you in whatever you decide.... *********** In regards to how the international adoption differs from the domestic adoption, I'd have to say that in many ways, domestically is simpler, though sometimes riskier. Once we 'got the call' about our first two, we knew that those babies would be ours. We had to wait a few days in our state before knowing that our last two babies would be ours...and that was because we didnt' want to go the 'matching route'. We prefer to know about babies that have already been born when birthparents have made the adoption plan. The choice to choose a couple of the same ethnic background is questionable. It just depends; and I believe the choice is more likely made by 'what the birthmother is wanting for her baby', more than 'what color the possible adoptive parents are'. I hope this post has been helpful, and I wish you luck in whatever you decide. Sincerely, Linny

Linny, I wanted to thank you for your post. My DH and I are seriously considering moving from international adoption (we had planned to adopt from Guatemala) to domestic and your post was very helpful. We are getting ready to move to a rural area and have been concerned about the lack of diversity our future children would face and I think your post addressed those concerns very well. Thank you!

I think i posted this to you on another thread, but for those just reading this one, you might want to check out Pact's website on info on transracial adoption in particular and adoption in general. they have stacks of articles that you may find useful (they also address specifics like moving, how your family becomes a family of color by adopting, etc): [url]http://pact.best.vwh.net/press/articles/[/url] good luck! Lisa

Hi!My hssband and I recently matched with an AA/CC pbmom, and the bdad is full AA. I spend a lot of time on the Yahoo Group: Transracial Adoption and Placement. I've found that the members there are helpful and supportive. In regards to Linny's note about skin color: DH and I have never cared what color our child's skin is. But, when the agency was presenting pbmoms to us, they would say, "But they're very light skinned" or "She's not that dark." Obviously, they were concerned that if the baby were "too black" we wouldn't want him/her. *sigh*Before our homestudy was done, we were chosen by two different moms. The first was CC, and the baby would be CC/AA. The second was totally CC. Then, we were the second choice for an AA couple; they went with one of the two AA adoptive couples available through the agency. Now, we were chosen by an AA/CC pbmom (who is just AWESOME!). I thought that parents of AA babies wouldn't necessarily want to choose CC parents for them. But, as the story shows, we were wrong. Hope this helps!-Rmc

Just getting educated.. i have been offered a 23 week preemie as a foster placement...no birth family is wanting to take her on and her parental rights will be ended in Dec...she is a AA, father unknown, she may be biracial the social worker has been very clear she wants to find the baby a culturally appropriate home and will need to look out of county....I am a white single mother of 3...my first is cc/asian and first adopted is cc and my second adopted is cc/hispanic.... Now this baby will have special needs...she has had a brain bleed and her outcome is still not known...I have three special needs kids all with different issues.... so...of course I'm thinking I might want to adopt this little girl, but have been told 'hands off" so to speak...I guess I present very white. Now I would have no problem adopting a hispanic baby..our hispanic boys are needing to go out of county to find forever homes....culture isn't talked about with our city having a hispanic population. and my dear fosterfriend who is AA just adopted CC baby and flipped all the parents on the "list" out...but she had that baby for almost a year fostering...so our county does allow adoption to different races... so I wonder about the clear "hands off" thinking of the social worker...she will be a hard to place infant with her special needs....shall I just be quiet and let them search or really make my intentions known.... I get RN care in the house and have mothered 6 at one time....most with medical issue...so I believe I can handle the care load.... I just don't know what approach i should take....so far the social worker wants me to "plump her up" and get her ready for "test drives" when she is ready. who thinks I should just lay low and let the months go by...the social workers are totally overwhelmed and I have an approved homestudy.... any thinking is welcome...Diane

I'd hold off on the making your intentions known thing. You might just provoke the worker into finding an alternative, more temporary placement and addl. moves can't be in the child's best interest.

Diane: I'd surely let them clearly know what your wants are! I wouldn't 'hound' them with these wants.....but I'd make sure they knew she'd have a home with you! With your experience it sounds as if you are clearly able to have this wee little girl for your own. It angers me to no end that sw'ers have no problem putting a baby into a home for fostering.......knowing the child may be quite adoptable.......and then have the nerve to say to the fostering parent/s........."hands off" (as you put it). Seems to me that if you are willing to take the risks that are involved RIGHT NOW (and being a premie, we all know that that can mean a huge variety of immediate problems)....then you should be the first person considered for parenting her! (So much for the system! Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr....) My best to you, Diane. Please keep us updated! Sincerely, Linny

Hi All... I have to share meeting "baby girl"....and I already asked for her in the post care conference phone care message I left with the social worker... Well...she is 9 lbs! She is growing faster than her lungs can keep up....on tons of O2....so organized compared to the "raw" babies I am used to...lots of reflux! She has a beautifully soft body..not high tone...not low tone...her hand are open...that was novel for me too...very long fingers and thin and fine. The cutest face with a rose bud mouth...not a typical preemie head...the RN's are doing a really good job rotating her....and lots of fat stores.... Discharge before Thanksgiving! She does de-stat with certain positions...i am going to bring the sling and put her in it and watch her numbers....it may not work with her for a while.... She slept the whole two hours I held her....she likes to up on the shoulder...I need a pillow to keep her up I'm so flat chested...her cuddler has a big chest she likes to lay up on....i usually hold my kids "nursing" style....just a sweet, pretty big baby! So i left a message with the social worker and told her all I learned...and lightly said she could stay forever...went on talking...and said at the end...loving said I'll kept her if ya want me to. they do know me well...my last adoption just finalized Nov 1....I gave everyone at signing and breakfast DVD copies of "my flesh and blood"...I make more sense to people after they see that documentary.... getting as much sleep as possible this next week...getting ready for a journey...however it turns out! I'll let her angels worry about her forever home for right now...i could mother her forever though (did you heard that angels). Diane

Your post made my day. What an amazing and fast bond! May angels bless you and the little big one! Jen

Thanks for saying that Jen.... I did have some guilt coming home to my very attached 2.10 year old...he hardly ever falls alseep in my arms anymore and he climbed up and just crashed on me tonight (no nap with the RN today clearly)... this will be hard on him...I thought of that but tonight I really felt it....I was a one year old when my sister was born...I must deep down know how hard it is to share mom... I will have to make a great effort to baby him during these next few month....really he is a run around go-boy not needing me nearly as much as he used to...but not having me in the house all day was hard for him... I must have tons of prolatin or oxytocin running thru me....."baby girl" is dreamy....and I have had 35 placements and not all the babies are instant bonds...really....but this little girlis like sugar and butter ...just yummy. I am suppose to know her...so it feels... Thanks for saying Hi....Diane

We are CC and already had 2 bio teens when we adopted our beautiful AA baby last March. We have had no issues with society or anything. We were chosen by the agency and we were told that it is very common for the AA birthparent/parents to have our particular agency choose. Our daughter came into our lives within 2 weeks of signing with the agency. Good luck!!!!!

We are a bi-racial couple... african american and caucasian and we adopted an african american baby.Maybe I can help

Diane, Any update on that sweet baby girl?