Referral of 4 yr old girl

Hi there Kannon, Here's a website you might find interesting - it's about language development in internationally adopted children. [url]http://pages.towson.edu/sglennen/index.htm[/url] Rebecca

Hi, We adopted through foster care, not internationally, but our daughter turned 4 right after we got her. Honestly, if the problems you mentioned are the worst problems she has, I'd be thrilled about the referral! It is completely expected that children in foster care or orphanages will have developmental delays, including speech. Obviously, you want to get as much info as possible in case there is a physiological cause. However, in a lot of cases it is because they have no stability and have concentrated all their energy on surviving, so there is little left for developmental tasks. In our case, the SW's thought M was very difficult to understand. We understood her perfectly, because her speech errors were very similar to our older daughter's at that age (who, after sppech therapy speaks perfectly). The SW's also thought she might be "not the brightest" because her bparents seemed to be mentally a bit "slow", for lack of a better term. Well, her former fmom, her teachers, and DH and I think she is actually very bright! The more difficult issues to deal with have been defiance and sexual issues. I think the biggest thing to watch out for is severe attachment inssues and RAD. Not that you should necessarily turn down a referral because of these issues, but you need to have as much info as possible and be really prepared. Good luck!

I have worked with so many RAD and Oppositional Defiant kids that I am more worried about that than speech development now.. This little one has lived in an orphanage her entire life. I am kind of optimistic as she seems to want to bond, but leary because we have not met her. :confused:

"she seems to want to bond" This caught my eye. How do you know this? Is this something the orphanage workers said? Four years in an orphanage is a very long time. I have 2 internationally adopted children who were adopted at 3.5 and 5.5 by other families. Both adoptions disrupted do to attachment related issues. Neither family was aware of these issues when they adopted. The older child is almost 14(came to me at 10)and has someclanguage processing issues but they are improving with one to one tutering.

but any one who has worked with a RAD child knows that no RAD child is easy and they can be different in some ways, but never a picinic...or much fun for a long while to parent....many of them don't get better I'd be weary if she's in a orphanage and they are saying she is delayed beyond the normal delays of the other children there...she would then have some issues....speech isn't such a problem especially if you are will to accept the possiblity of mild hearing problems, or learning disabilities, or mental retardation...... RAD though, how much fun it is to put out trash fires at 2:00 am in the morning and convince the school staff you do feed the child on weekends no matter what he lovely little face is saying......not that parenting is even supposed to be "fun" but spending day in and out with these kids is overwhelming to anyone....I can SpEd teach the toughest kids, but I don't have to spend all day with them...every day for the rest of my life

Are the orphanage workers telling you this? Who is it that she seems to want to bond to? If she has been in this orphanage her entire life and is just now "seeming to want to bond", I would be very concerned about RAD. It was stated above, but I want to reiterate it, living with RAD on a 24 hour seven day a week schedule is very different than seeing is at work. Its very challenging. However, its also very rewarding. Just be sure you can deal with a RAD child before taking the placement.

Like Rinda, I completely agree about the RAD child. BTDT...and our RAD now lives in an institutional setting because he was too dangerous to himself and others to have in our home. The other two older child adoptions have turned out to be incredibly challenging; with the middle one ending up almost destroying our family, as of late. Truly, the jury is still out on the youngest of the three...but it's still no picnic. Truly, infant adoption is not even close to the older child adoption route. ( Of the seven children...four have been infant adoptions.) While I can tell you that we would never do older child adoptions again....I can say that this is a total 180 from where we were almost 10yrs ago. At that time, we were so wanting to adopt 'older children'......we were thrilled to have any. (And the kids were only 3yrs, 6yrs and almost 7yrs.......two sibs...and one single adoption.) Think carefully, do 'your homework'....and don't assume that because the child is from an international adoption, RAD cannot be very prevalent---particularly in Eastern European countries. Yes, there are successful older child adoptions.......but if the child is RAD....or has attachment issues---truly, I would not wish this kind of child on anyone. Sorry to be harsh.....I have become cynical in the 'older child route'. Our family has been crushed and devestated more than once; and this last time has just about 'done us in'. Unless you are very prepared for challenges that---may not---and usually don't entirely go away-------re-consider the older child adoption route. Most Sincerely, Linny