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My parents adopted my son almost 30 years ago. Although they gave him a good life and plenty of love, things that happened back then made my relationship with my mother strained and we have never had a good relationship since. We never discussed the adoption. I married when my son was 2 years old and told my mother that I wanted him back. She told me that I could go to court BUT if I lost the case she would take him and I would never see him again. I dropped the matter and took what ever kind of relashionship with him that I could get. We lived 2000 miles apart and I only saw him a couple of times a year. He always knew I was his mother but we had more of a big sister, little brother relashionship. We developed a closer bond as he grew older and now we are very close. I have not spoken with my mother since my dad's death 3 years ago.I have always felt that there was something not quite right about the adoption. I don't remember very much about what happened and have been exploring this to finally lay these feelings to rest. It is not only this I have trouble remembering. I have lost large chunks of time. My therapist tells me that it could be due to my drug use when I was a teenager and it is also a common complaint of children of alcholic parent. I was very young and not ready to be a mother. What began as my mother taking my son for a while while I tried to get myself straightened out turned into them adopting him. I don't remember signing any papers or speaking to anyone about them taking him. I guess what I'm trying to find out is how do I find out if the adoption was actually on the up and up? Over the years my mother has always implied that if she did not step in when she did the CAS would have taken him from me. Recently I summoned up all my courage and contacted them. If what she had been saying was true I was finally able to confront it and deal with it.I contacted the CAS and found that they still had a file on me, I was made a ward of the court when I was 14 (another dark period in my life) but she told me they had no records of any concerns for the well being of my son while he was in my care. What she told me next stunned me. They have no records of an adoption. I can't ask my mother as we are estranged. I certainly don't want to get my son involved in what may be a figment of my imagination. Any advice appreciated,Brenda
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I don't anything about American law as I'm British but a few months I applied for and received copies of the adoption papers relevent to me. Last year I was reunited with my son and he told me that he already had copies of the papers so that prompted me to get copies myself. However when I received the papers there wasn't a copy of the paper I signed relinquishing my rights as his mother which was one of the reasons why I wanted the papers as I don't remember signing anything. Since then I have found out that I need to apply to the court that dealt with the adoption to get copies of the court papers relevant to me and a copy of the relinquishment paper. Don't know if that helps but maybe you need to do the same and find out what court would have dealt with the finalization of the adoption.
Philippa
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My son had already got copies of the adoption papers which helped me save a lot of time as the adoption agency used for his adoption closed down years ago so advised me to approach social services. The office I approached was the one that deals with the whole of the county I lived in at that time. They, in turn, pointed me in the direction of the Adoption Records Centre which is in a town the same county and that office was very helpful. Initially I was told to get a social worker from my local social services to work on my behalf but they weren't very helpful and got me referred to a charitable counselling service they use for this sort of thing. Unfortunately the counsellor wasn't all that good and kept fobbing me off about getting the papers so I took matters into my own hands so got back in touch with the Adoption Records Centre. They were very helpful and corresponded with me by email as I live about 260 miles from the office. I gave them all the details I could - my name at the time, where I lived, date/place of my son's birth, his name then and now, and the adoption agency used. Within a matter of a week or two they had the paperwork together and was originally going to collect the papers from their office from a social worker but we had car problems and public transport in this country is expensive. Fortunately by this time I had made up with the counsellor I had seen so she got the paperwork sent to her for me.
In the UK there is a social workers department called the Family Placement Team that deals with adoption and fostering so if your local social workers have an equivilant department it is worth approaching them first and explain the situation so they should be able to point you in the right direction. The other alternative is to get legal advice from a lawyer who deals with family law. Sorry I'm not being very helpful - if you had been British I could have been more help.
Philippa
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[FONT=Comic Sans MS]I'm not in Canada, but I know there are others here in the forums who are. It sounds a lot like there never WAS a legal adoption, and I completely support you wanting to know the truth.
Perhaps you could approach this as though you had some basic info but were trying to FIND your son? A legal adoption would have to have been filed SOMEWHERE. [/FONT]
Get ANY copy of his b.c. and you are set.
I am an adoptive mom, my son's birth cert. has ME as his mother and my husband as his father. If the adoption was legal, they will be listed as parents. If it is NOT, YOU will be listed as the mother.
An easy way to find out, if you can get your hands on it.
Leigh
The problem is that in Canada, parents arent listed on normal birth certificates.
Your son (or brother depending on the legalities of the situation) would have apply for his LONG form birth certificate. Now, CAS might not have a copy of the adoption if it was handled "back in the day" through private means. CAS would ONLY have record of the adoption if they handled it.
So - have your son contact vital statistics and request his long form birth certificate and "non identifying information" from the province if in fact he was adopted. That will tell you what you need to know.
Jen
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