Confused and Alone

Hi! I am new to this site and am looking to find support around my pregnancy. I am 9 weeks along. I have one child already. My ex and I broke up after an 11 year relationship. The night that we broke up I stayed in a hotel room and had a few friends over because I did not want to be alone. One of the friends that I work with had a little to much to drink and so did I. To make a long story short we slept together and now I am pregnant. MY ex and I were trying to work things out and see if we could rebuild our relationship. When i found out i was pregnant I told him. Well he flipped out. I can't really blame him. He told me he could handle anything except me being pregnant from another man. Since then he has nothing to do with me. I have lost my best friend. All of my family is pretty much deceased or out of my life. I still interact with my ex's family. I have done a lot of soul searching and have come to realization that everything in my life that I have built up over the last 11 years is gone. I feel as if my whole world is crumbling. I find myself thinking about this child and the impact of what I have done. I cannot remove the guilt that I feel and am confused. I will not have an abortion or put this baby up for adoption. I just don't want to wind up resenting this baby. I find myself crying all the time (hormonal) and then getting so angry. I cannot stand to be around people much less carry on a conversation. I am an outgoing person and this is not normal for me. My thoughts have been to just end my life. I know basically get and abortion if I choose to end my life because ending my life would ultimately end my child's life. I find myself so agrieved with this pregnancy. My first child I was happy during the pregnancy. I cannot get happy about this pregnancy. I had an ultrasound done the other day and looking at the photo they gave me I still cannot feel anything. That is what concerns me. I know this is coming across sounding very selfish but I just don't know how else to express myself or my feelings. I desperately need someone to talk to and that is the reason I am posting on this site. Thanks for taking the time to listen.