birthparent information

Hi Andrew, I am a birthmom, My bson will be 16 this year and I can tell you that I will be very sad and heartbroken if he wants no contact with me. However with that said, I will always respect his wishes and provide what he feels he needs.Have you told your parents that you want to find your birthparents? Maybe they would have some information. What state were you placed in?Good luck in your search and please feel free to PM me if I can help further.

IAndrew, I'm a birthmother and like Mommy24 I would respect your wishes to have no meeting. I would be very disappointed, but just being aware that my birthchild was alive, well and living a good life and had a family that supported him would be much better than "never" knowing. As per photo - I would swap - "mine for yours". Andrew, I don't for one minute think your need for information and photo's are out of line. Only you know what your needs are, and what is sufficient. Reunion itself is complicated and perhaps it's those complications that you don't want in your life. Have you registered with any Registry as available for contact? You can specifiy the level of contact so those who match family members understand your expectations. I wish I could offer more help but I have no experience with searching. Good luck. Ann ps. If your birthparents went on to marry after your birth and had a family, would you consider meeting your full brothers/sisters? Do you see this as an easier option - easier to assimilate with your own generation? I'm Just curious :confused:

Thanks for the input Mommy24 and kune. I really appreciate your responses. I've told my mom I want to look into finding my birthparents and she is supportive of helping me and thinks it's a good idea especially since genealogical research has proven that knowing family history is so important to a persons health these days. She's going to make some call for me soon. As far as meeting my birth parents personally, I think it would be incredible to meet and bond with the people I share blood with. It's hard to imagine what that would be like, especially if I had full blood brothers and/or sisters out there. That would be insane. I just don't want to be disappointed and more so, I don't want my birthparents to be disappointed by me. I know that may sound harsh and I don't like feeling that way, but my whole life has been filled with disappointment when it comes to other people. I've always been a 'lost soul' of sorts. That makes the situation so much more complicated for me. It's just really easy for me to paint a less than optimistic picture in my head of what the reunion will be like. The more I think about it, though, I don't want to rule out meeting them anymore. I'm just going to go about the process of finding them and see what happens form there. It's so comforting to know that some birthmothers never really forget about the baby they gave up so many years after the adoption. It gives me hope that my mother and hopefully even my father still think about me today. I'm so tired of feeling lost in life, maybe meeting them will open up entire new worlds for me. Thanks again for all of your help on this subject. I'll try to keep you posted on whatever comes from my search.

Andrew That line of thought "will I be good enough" is felt on both sides. How many times have I read (and thought) of birthmothers saying "I need to lose 10lbs - or dye my hair - or get a new outfit" - or whatever....trying to make themselves presentable! They judge themselves so harshly. My son hung off contacting me until he felt he had achieved and at 33 still wasn't convinced he had done enough to make himself "wantable" to me. I on the other hand hoped he was happy - full stop!! From experience, your birthmother doesn't need a Graduate with a high paying position in Microsoft or State Govt. She will hope that you had a good life, lead a happy existence, and are healthy and strong. Don't be so self-depracating - you are obviously articulate and intelligent, and have a happy relationship with your amother so you have healthy family values. Don't be scared to want more from this coming relationship than knowledge but I also understand the wisdom of leaving that until your search has been completed. Regards - Ann :flower:

Well, I'm back. Thanks again for all the responses to my post. I started looking into how I could get info on my birthparents and I just wanted to share what I've found. I live in Indiana, so this may only be helpful to Indiana residents. I called the agency that was in charge of my adoption back in 1980 to get the ball rolling. The name of the agency had changed, but a quick google search (god, i love the internet :) ) was all I needed to figure that one out. Oddly enough, the search really begins at the Indiana Health department website. [url]http://www.in.gov/isdh/bdcertifs/adoption.htm[/url] There are several forms here for obtaining different kinds of information. [url]http://www.in.gov/isdh/form/vital_record_forms.htm[/url] The two forms that are most important to my search are the "Identifying Information Consent Form" and the "Nonidentifying Information Consent Form." I thought it was nice to have the choice between trying to obtain identifying and nonidentifying info. These forms are for both the adoptee and the birthparent. From what I understand, both the adoptee and the birthparent have to submit the consent form before any action can be taken. So, if I send my form and one of my birthparents have not, I'm out of luck and have to take a different avenue. The same goes if the situation is reversed. My birthparents could have sent a form years ago and me sending a form is the only thing that will allow action to be taken. The woman I talked to at my adoption agency was very friendly and helpful although it was frustrating just knowing that she had access to some of the information I wanted and had no legal way of giving it to me before I used the forms I mentioned to begin my search. She was also understanding of my situation and made sure to let me know that if the consent forms didn't bring back the results I wanted, there are other volunteer and fee-based avenues to take and that the internet is the best place to search for those avenues. She also mentioned that if I send the forms and don't hear back in 6 weeks or so that I should follow up because they are usually quick to let you know of any results but not so quick to let you know of no results. So, as of right now, I have the forms, and have them filled out. I'm still working up the nerve to mail them out. I think I'm going to mail them tomorrow, though. I'll keep everyone posted on my progress. -Andrew-

Hello Andrew,I also am a birth mother, now in reunion with my firstborn. Truthfully, I don't know too many birth mothers who have "forgotten" the child they relinquished. (That doesn't mean all bmothers are open to a relationship of any kind.) Like Ann and Michelle, I would have been disappointed if D had not wanted a relationship, but I would have been relieved to know that he was at least alive, and apparently well. I would certainly have tried to provide whatever info he wanted. In fact, most of our first "conversations" (all online) were about the family tree, health history, etc. I have shared family pictures with him. Unfortunately, his aparents aren't big on taking pictures so there are apparently none of him as a newborn, which I would love to have. They have given me copies of some of his childhood pictures. I have two children with my husband (not D's bfather); it's really been fun to watch their relationship develop. I think it's easier for siblings - there's less baggage. D's personality fits in with theirs; it's really pretty amazing and has me really pondering nurture v. nature! I actually found him by registering on this site. (He had registered about 5 years previously, but never checked back.) From the info he left here (most of which was out of date...) I actually was able to locate his afather and made contact through him. His aparents gave him the info and left it up to him to decide when (or if) to contact me. You may find that what you want from the relationship changes as you change. I think D and I connected at a good time for him. He's now 33 , married with a stepson, an 18th month-old daughter and another on the way. He wants different things than he did when he was, say, 20. In many ways, the trickiest relationship has been with D's amom. I think she's beginning to believe that I don't want to replace her (even if D wanted that); I'm enjoying getting to know them all. Neither D nor I have tried to name the relationship, we are just enjoying it. Just be as upfront with her/them as you can, so that they are clear about what you are looking for so they don't have unreasonable expectations. Blessings,Kathy