Is this ADHD?

This sounds like a typical male to me. I have a husband and two teenage sons. Dirty dishes are everywhere, no matter how much I nag. Guys just don't see them like we do. They take their clothes off and then leave them on the floor by the hamper. Its just a male thing.

It sounds like he isn't "getting it". I have ADD and the examples you gave could or could not be ADD depending on the attitude. I even go thru the house and turn off lights..and BTW I bought a top of the libe dishwasher JUST so no dishes would EVER land in the sink...on my Dishwasher, there is ZERO need to pre-rinse and if you feel inclined, there is a rinse only cycle on the DW that does it for you and uses LESS water than sink washing... On the other hand, it sounds like he may not care for your needs as much as he should... perhaps you should try to EACH make a list of Household priorities to compare. My DH goes nuts if the bed isn't made, but that's LAST on my list and I go nuts to find socks tossed in the corner or bathroom counter not cleared off after he's done in the mornings. We came up with a mutual list and each adjusted our priorities so that He's a little neater, and I'm less affected and vice versa. Are these the ONLY things he "forgets" to do? I forget my OWN lists to do, so hubby listens to my daily personal shortcomings as I rant, remembers what I hate to forget and leaves a list in the morning for me to anchor too all day...If I find I am wandering and can't remember what I was intending to do, I go back to the list. I can't write the list because I can't remember what I didn't want to forget...OR I'll have the list in my head and forget to write it down. At one point I had lil post-its stuck all around the house...especially on the door, so that as I left, I'd not forget to mail the bills, drop off laundry etc... PErhaps a Hot pink sticky note near eye level on the edge of the doorway with the word "LIGHTS?" written boldly will jog his memory...or a note in the sink.. etc..

My brother is ADHD and is a total neat freak. I''m ADD and have aways been the messy one in the family. I'm not sure the diagnosis really has as much bearing on what we do or don't do as just plain old habits. M

For a person to be labeled as ADHD, they need to have symptoms in all other settings, not just at home. I wonder about how he did in school. I agree with Lorraine: he does seem to be a typical male. I would dive more into his earlier childhood years and also ask his parents, if you can. If he didn't demostrate difficulties in school because of difficulty concentrating and their weren't any significant family stressors, then I would look into it more. There are tests that psychologists can give him that measures a persons concentration, impulsivity and cognitive flexiblity... Near Phoenix, Arizona there is a place that actually can show a persons brain activity while doing specific cognitive tests. I used to live there, so there maybe other places around the country as well. If there is less or more (forgot) activity in the frontal lobe than the average person, that may be consistant with ADHD. There is another area in the brain that could be more consistant with anxiety... So those are my two cents...

I think you'll have a better time in your relationship if you dont let these small things bother you. If you see a light on, turn it off. I think i'd be pretty irritated if someone i lived with noticed a light on, but wanted me to get up and go turn it off, if they are standing right there. I leave all the lights on anyway, because i dont like being in a dark house. My mom insists, at her house, that you turn the light off if you leave the room (i'm not talking about a back bedroom, but a kitchen or dining room light)...it drives me crazy! If you look at it like this: why is your need to have a light turned off, or have dishes put in the dishwasher, more important/valid than his desire/right/need NOT to do these things? Are there things that he can do for you, like check your oil, take out the garbage, kill pesky bugs, mow the lawn, whatever....that you prefer not to do (but he might not mind doing) in exchange for you not worrying so much about the things he doesnt do? As far as ADHD, i dont really buy into it being a "disorder" but a different personality type. I know for me it manifests itself as extreme procrastination (not paying bills on time despite having the money, not taking library books back on time)and also in having a hard time keeping my house organized (laundry tends to pile up, i rarely hang clothes up in the closet, etc)...so i really have to work on those areas consistently or there are negative consequences (utilities getting shut off, one example) If the things he does is just little things like leaving lights on, i'd just say "Dont Sweat The Small Stuff", change your perspective and it will improve the overall mood! Katherine

Hmmm...I tend to agree with the others. If it were a child it would be much harder to discriminate between stubborness and ADHD. But he's an adult - sounds like he just doesn't want to do things. Also sounds like it's becoming a battle of wills in which you're determined to change him so you challenge him and he says to himself 'I'll show her!' good luck, heartbeat

I myself have ADHD and it is more than just personality type. I wish it were a personality type, seriously!! Then I wouldn't have gone through trying to self-medicate during my junior high and high school years to self regulate...It was horrible. If anyone were to meet people on my dad's side...it's so obvious...really. For me and a lot of others with this disorder, it isn't EXTREME procrastination (i.e., paying the bills). I am better now, but when I used to pay the bills it took me very long because of the minor little steps (i.e., where is the envelope, where did I put those stamps, where is the bill...oh the phone is ringing and I have to get it...(a few hours later)...what was I doing before the phone rang...oh, I was paying the bills, I think...Where did I put that stamp again that I was holding when the phone rang?? Found the stamp! Now where did I put the bill?? It can be really bad. This is very sterotypical and placing everyone in a box, but the "average" person who presents as more ADHD with Hyperactivity usually doesn't have a problem with procrastination...they seem the opposite because they are just...go go go type of people (my dad). The ADHD without Hyperactivity people do look like they are major procrasinators because it's SO hard to get started on one thing...they tend to become so overwhelmed that a lot of them shut down (my mom). Yep, I have a double whammy when you consider genetics...genetics can really stink!! However, I do believe a lot of people out there are misdx as having ADHD because it is personality type, especially in the school setting and with boys. So, that is a valid point made regarding personality types. It's very sad for people who truly don't have this disorder and that is there personality! A few other disorders mimick ADHD as well. ADHD has become a "catch all" disorder. It can be a hellish disorder for those of us who have it if we are trying to self regulate without medication...but is also so much fun when you are able to be completely your airheady, forgetful, ADHD self...just put me on an island with some other ADDers and we would drive each other nuts yet feel free at the same time!!

I'm ADD, spacy......My personality fits the ADD, so thats good.....But meds have saved my life..... Try transitioning into parenting, unmedicated with ADD.....HOLY COW.... I *LOST* myself......forgot my identity completely....And the littlest things will make you lose focus....like a backache...or thirst...you can't even recognize that you're thirsty...you get to the kitchen and forget why...it's borderline Alsheimers ...Almost