confused!!

((hugs)) This sit is a great group of people who will give you lots of information from all sides of the adoption triad. Many more are more versed than I. Just wanted to send some cyber hugs and know that I will be thinking of you as you begin to navigate these next few months. Simply put. investigate/research/dig/demand to know as much as you possibly can about adoption (the good, bad, and ugly) and about parenting (the good, bad, and ugly.) In the end, I am confident that you will make the best decision for YOU. Blessings,

Hi, I am an adoptive parent in a fully open adoption with our son's birthmother. I read your post and wanted to say that I am so sorry you find yourself in a situation where you are so unhappy. It may be difficult right now to separate the difficulties you are having in your marriage from your feelings about your pregnancy. Since you just found out 1 month ago that you are pregnant, all of this must still be quite a shock to you. It is great that you are reaching out to learn about your choices. Hopefully, over time, it will become clear to you which path feels right for you to pursue. It is so important to take all the time you need to address your feelings, gather information and decide on a plan that feels right for you, the baby and your son. I wanted to offer some information and resources as you consider your options: First, I highly recommend counseling! Your obstetrician may be able to recommend a good counselor in your neighborhood who can help you sort through your choices. Or maybe couple's counseling would help you and your husband address the difficulties you are having. It is really important that any counselor you see not have any affiliation with an adoption agency -- it should be someone completely independent and unbiased who can help you look at your circumstances as well as your feelings and help you arrive at the decision that is right for you. There are many programs to help you parent both of your children if you are on your own... it is extremely important to research what is available in your area. I think this is another aspect your OB's office should be able to help with -- in terms of pointing you in the direction of local services you might be able to receive. If you do decide to go ahead with an adoption plan, there are resources and all across the country. You can decide if you would like to work with an agency or find an adoptive family on your own. You can also specifiy the degree of openness you want to maintain with your child. We have a fully open adoption which means that we all know our full names and contact information, we talk by phone all the time, send pictures a lot and visit with one another at least once a year. There are also semi-open adoptions, where you might keep in touch through an intermediary (like an adoption agency or lawyer) with pictures and letters and there are still some closed (confidential) adoptions but those are rare. For us, open adoption seemed the best/healthiest thing for all of us. Most importantly though it is for our son. We want him to know of his birthfamily's love for him and to regard them as part of his entire extended family. It is so important -- whether you decide to place or parent -- that you have all the support that you need whether it is from family, friends, and/or a professional counselor (as I mentioned at the beginning). Sorry this is so very long. There is much to say as this is such an important decision you are faced with. Please feel free to post again or PM me if I can answer any other questions for you from my perspective. Wishing you all the best with whatever you decide.

britni2684

[font=Arial]Hi, My name is Brittany. I'm 18 years old and i have a 20 month old son. a couple months ago i married this guy (not the father of my son), 14 years older than me by mistake. i thought i loved him but i dont!.. well i found out i was pregnant a month ago. im 13 weeks, due march 19, 2006. i dont want to be with this man anymore, i cant stand being unhappy anymore. so im thinking about adoption. i dont believe in abortion so im really thinking about adoption. im so confused right now. i just dont know what to do! anyone have any advice?? please help!![/font]

I dont think we can keep running from ourselves and our lives.. You are in such a difficult time.. I am so sorry you are going through this.. Women can and do give up their babies.. and if you are feeling trapped maybe this is the way you should go.. I gave my son up in the sixties.. He was just fine when he found me in late 1999.. He thrived.. I had a hard time sorting my emotions around my giving him up.. I had to do a lot of soul searching.. There is a lot of help here.. Women who have just recently given their babies up post and say marvellous things.. Please stay with us and let us help.. Jackie