question with TOS

lol.....ive been a member longer then alot of the moderators...so that doesnt really help me to understand...lol plus, Im an active member. i have read more posts then i suscribed to...i never feel i have to suscribe to every post that i read, but i read an awful lot. so with that said... that is what gets confusing... though i am not a moderator...i have probably read just as much as someone who is.... so when i see blantly breaking TOS, with warnings...but they still dont get banned. While some, do get banned for reasons that so many members cant even understand why. its gets pretty confusing to me. is this how it looks on the moderators thread, or how some of you guys like to call it..."behind the scenes" look like this: "dadfor2 is a pain, so lets ban him? what do you other moderators thinK?, lets take a vote" is that how its done? the TOS is not clear...how does one decide that you can stay or you should go? i really do find it confusing.... are the banned members attacking people on the 'behind scenes threads' that we dont know about, that they hacked themselves into that thread? if thats the case, then it would explain it...but if you are reading the same stuff as me by any specific poster, thats when it gets confusing... when someone gets banned, i also look at their history of posts...usually most i have read anyway... thats what im confused about.....what do you guys decide on who should be banned?..what do they have to do?... is this thread i started, reasons to ban me?...its not breaking any TOS..but clearly it might make some uncomfortable...is that one reason to ban someone? so thats why some of us who arent 'behind the scenes' dont understand...we do read the same posts as you..but when you guys discuss things 'behind the scenes'...is what gets us wondering... do they hack into your personal threads? does this make any sence?

I have no idea what you mean by "hacking into threads". But as stated before, there is no cut and dry checklist of things that will get people banned. i'm not sure what you are looking for if what has already been stated is not enough.

here is what i mean: for example: you and i read the same posts...day after day by the same person... you are a moderator, i am not... then one day a person was banned. and the reason is, its because its 'behind the scenes or we cant talk about other peoples accounts' thats what i am confused about...if we are reading the same thing...what did that person do 'behind the scenes' that i wouldnt know about. surely there is some example that someone can come up with. did they hack into the moderators private thread? that is what is confusing to me... this is not washington dc....lol.....its an open forum.... i guess as a registered member, i just thought it would be nice to let some who are interested, in how do you decide to ban someone. especailly when we are reading the same threads.

hey guys, never mind, dont bother answering it...we all know what i am talking about....and i already know the answer... if your not in the 'in' crowd, your at risk.... oh well, im done...its been real...later

Hmmm Dad, I'm not sure what you mean by moderator's personal thread being the only behind the scenes... While I'm not a moderator, I can think of lots of situations that I don't know about. For instance, I don't stay logged on all the time. The only times I recieve an email notification is for the FIRST post after I logged on last or if I'm logged on and posts keep coming in. I spend alot of time here to, but know that sometimes posts get deleted or edited before I get to them. I would have no way of knowing how many times that has happened concerning any particular member, so that's one "behind the scenes" piece of info I have no access to. I also don't have access to other people's reps or PMs, but I do have access to my own. If someone were to suddenly start bombarding me with negative messages through my PMs, I would inform a moderator. From what Kiwi and Crick explained, if that kind of thing was happening from a particular member alot, priveleges could be taken away. I can recognize that someone else may have a problem that I was never a part of and I was never informed of. As a member to the forum, I wouldn't necessiarily know that was going on since it would be "behind the scenes". These are just two off the top of my head examples... Like you, I'm sad when the community loses a member, but I do try to recognize, even as an active member I may not know everything that goes on. IMO Yikes, we were posting at the same time... I really hope that you're okay. :(

Obviously you're dying for me to tell everyone that the moderators have a closed forum for moderators. Yes. It's just a heckuva lot easier than coordinating emails. No, no one has "hacked" into it. Just because the last post you saw by a person wasn't offensive doesn't mean they didn't have posts removed or edited that you did not see. Your opinion of "offensive" may not be mine as well.

KIwi, There lies the problem.....many people may find a post or poster educational, insightful and good support but a certian few may feel threatened by this poster....who decides waht is "offensive"..it it any negative connatations to birthmoms, adoptees or aprents...I have seen blatant attacks on adopttee..generalizations that are allowed...nothing was done,, I think your criteria for what is offensive might need to be firmed up...what kind of training do you actually get for this job....believe me, your job is appreciated....I understand its volunteer.. From...one of the "donnas" that post on these forums

Obviously you're dying for me to tell everyone that the moderators have a closed forum for moderators. no, we all now this....thats not what this is about. im sure you all heard of the email that has been circulating like wild fire to alot of members i couldnt believe what i read... i posted this post with the hopes that maybe something can be understood more about the banning and keeping of certain members.... but its clear that it is not going to happen, as much as i didnt want to get into it... i can see from this thread, that others got the email....and if you have no idea on what i am talking about...sit tight..you will recieve it... i already got it from past ban members... :eek: ..and from some people i dont even know... :confused: needless to say, im going to say a few goodbyes to people here, then i will be on my way.... look at me...i didnt attack anyone, or break any TOS......so i still have time to say goodbye to people. its just sad that i have been on here so long...and i really thought it was supportive only to find out what was really going on... what am i going to do at work now.... :D hang in there 'one of the donnas'....

I am not on all that much anymore but used to be all the time and I hear what dad is saying. I wrote a PM to Crick in responce to a comment here. I wasn't going to post it, but now think maybe I should. To Crick: You replied to my post on a thread ([url]http://forums.adoption.com/showthread.php?t=219044[/url]) stating, "And I promise you we do not ban because someone questions a moderator decision. If that were the case, there would be several bans a day!" But Brandy posted in Truvy's Place, "but calling a moderating decision into question and or blasting the moderators for doing their job of protecting the many members of this forum, is not allowed." Is it possible that some moderators here are more open to banning a member who questions a moderator decision than others? Please don't misunderstand me, I have great respect for the role you all have in moderating. I just want to say that I personally feel I've had to be overly cautious not to upset a moderator here. ----------------------------------- I've got to agree with dpen6. Is there ever a point in which a moderator can say they made a mistake or acted on their emotions? I am NOT talking about any specific situation, just generally speaking. I know there is at least one moderator here that has become in many people's opinion, overly defensive from seemingly innocent posted remarks in the past. It is difficult to be taken seriously when such defensiveness is shown and makes some question if banning is taking place as a result of the moderator's feelings. Even if it is a group decision, people can be very persuasive to each other. Again, I am generally speaking here. MJ

MJ, the big difference in the situations you posted is that one is saying they didn't like it, the other is "blasting" which I take to be disrespecting or attacking. Moderators are people too, but that's why there's a bunch of us to double check decisions.

I guess the bold points were the one's I wanted to stand out. It was written "and or".

MJ, Id like to respond if I can, because it wasnҒt until just now that I realized that I may have mislead people with that postbecause it doesnŒt seem clear, obviously. Members are more than welcome to questionӔ a moderators decision, does it mean well answer? No, because we donҒt discuss the status of a members account with anyone but the member. The just of the statement that I posted is that moderators will not engage in a debate over moderating decisions. If members want to discuss their sadness over a members account being moderated, thats fine Җ but debating the validity of a ban on the forum is not allowed, that is what I meant by calling into questionӔ. The bottom line is, its just not up for debate or discussion. If you want to discuss your feelings of sadness over the loss of a member, thatҒs finebut the moderators will not engage in debate. Crick is correct in saying that no one has ever been banned for questioning a moderators decision. The correct way to do that is to send a PM to a moderator and ask. YouŒll most likely get a standard answer of We donӒt discuss the status of another members account with anyone but the member Ԗ but you can always ask. Weve always asked, since the moderators were introduced to the forums, that all questions about moderator decisions be done via Private Message. Creating threads to discuss the injustices of a moderators decision is, in a sense, asking us to ғdefend ourselves or engage in debate. IԒm sorry if my original post was unclear.

I would like to know as well what constitutes the basis for banning so that I can watch my Ps & Qs. I've managed projects and companies for almost 40 years, as well as another unrelated board or two, so I fully realize that there is a lot that one knows that one doesn't necessarily share with the team members or others involved in the department or project. I am not suggesting that we the members, be privy to every decision that is made. The moderators work really hard ( and get such big bucks, eh? lol) and I do not question the collective wisdom, as a rule. I understand they may know a lot I don't know.However, I am with Dad here in that I read a lot. I read a lot more than I subscribe to or participate in and I do not for the life of me understand how one person can so obviously be in attack mode and is given a warning and another, who responds and clarifies is banned. There is a lot of emotion obviously, amongst all members of the triad, however there are some members that it is a true personal joy to exchange information and ideas with as I learn so much more from the other 2 perspectives of this same triad. I know personally, learning about an adoptees perspective and why they might or might not be angry with their bmother, has helped me enormously with my grieiving.It is so hard to articulate my sadness and shock about a recent decision without appearing to be questioning the moderators and there is no way I want to appear to be bashing or criticizing them. I feel I have lost a friend, a teacher, a fellow traveller and I grieve for that loss and wish it were not so. Has there ever been a time when the moderators decided to re-group, discuss again and possibly reconsider their decision? It would be so nice.I find myself feeling really nervous in writing this as I am unsure if voicing my position, opinion, or sentiments will also get me either banned or labeled as a trouble-maker. I sure hope not.respectfully, the other Donna

Interesting thread indeed. Dad, I would love to see that email you are talking about especially since I have been accused by more then one person as being the one who sent it. I can see by your "Donna's" comment that you have indeed seen something that turned my stomach. Since I was not the person who sent the email you are referring to Dad, I wanted to say even though I have taken slack for the actions of the person who is the "leak", I applaud whomever the leaker is. I am glad I was not the only one who was sickened by what I read. Shell

As for the personal attacks question........why is it we repeatedly see personal attacks on the forums posted by the same offender over and over again? Yet those offenders are not banned? Shell