Preferences........

Obviously, as I am an Open Adoption Birthmother, I prefer open adoption. Not necessarily for myself, either, but for the benefit of my birthdaughter. I found my daughter's adoptive parents (not "my" adoptive parents as they are not MY parents) via the "agency" that I placed through and the profiles that I was sent. I was about 4 to 5 months into my pregnancy when I made the decision to place and was matched shortly thereafter. There are a lot of things that are important in an adoptive family. For me, it was a myriad of things, including but not limited to current children, parenting style, goals, dreams, aspirations, how closely they matched my personality, etc. There are a lot of things that go into a placement decision. You can think to ask all of the questions in the world and someone somewhere is going to have a different or additional reason.

I am also an open adoption birthmother I placed my daughter almost ten years ago in open adoption with her parents. I should also mention that the desire for openness was theirs and not mine ֖ I didnt go into the match meeting knowing I wanted openness, I went in wanting to know more about them. At the time of our match meeting, I didnҒt even know open adoption was an option although I should have, considering I had ongoing contact with my birthfamily growing up (I am also an adoptee). To be honest, I had no idea what ֓open adoption meant, so when they first mentioned it I didnԒt really know what they meant. Some of the criteria that I had for a match might seem odd to someI wanted a childless couple who would never be able to biologically produce a child together. I wanted some sort of confirmation of this from a medical professional because that was the absolute deal breaker for me. I (naively) based my match criteria on my own experiences with adoptionŅbut in the end it all worked out. I also wanted a taller couple I preferred a couple who were both over six feet tall, but was advised that that was a pretty ֓tall order and that the chances of being able to match on that criteria were pretty slim. They were wrong. Money didnԒt matter to me money doesn֒t equal good parenting nor does it equal unconditional love again, based on my experiences. I didn֒t care what kind of car they drove, what kind of house they lived in or what kind of job they had. I wanted a childless couple, with no option of pregnancy, who were tall and could be loving, caring and devoted parents. I picked C & S because they were a childless couple, with no option of pregnancy, who were tall as well as loving, caring and devoted to each other. They lived in a modest 3-bedroom ranch that was built in the late sixties to early seventies. He drove a newer (but not new) truck and she a used Ford Escort Wagon. He was a government employee; she was a very devoted career woman who planned to take a year off of work to raise their child (She never went back). Almost everything M has comes from thrift shoppingӔ and garage sales not out of necessity but out of choice ֖ they live a very modest lifestyle. S is a woman after my own heart and when we֒re together garage salers watch out! For us, at least, adoption did create the bond we have but it certainly hasn֒t built the relationship. We have all worked really hard to create a friendship with each other which is what we have now. Now that I֒ve told you about what I wanted I should tell you that EVERY expectant parent is different. Each will have their own set of criteria for placement. Some want siblings, others don֒t. Some want flashy cars and big houses, others dont. Some want same sex couples, others donҒt. Some have no problems with disabilities, others do. Some want fully open, while others want less contact or even none. The bottom line everyone is different ֖ that is no exception when it comes to expectant parents considering an adoption plan. Good luck with your adoption plans.

Thank you both for being honest... In talking to a few birthmothers, I do understand that it is very individual about what their preferneces are in families and I think that is what makes each and every adoption unique! I know that everyone can have many different opinions about what they expect out of adoptive parents for their child. I was just looking for some similarities in the idea's.I did not know where most of the potential birth "life" mothers looked for the adoptive couples and how they learned about adoption since adoption has changed so much over the years. Thanks again for your honesty and openness........ Hugs to both of you! Shelley

[font=Comic Sans MS]The most important thing to me when I was looking for my daughter's adoptive parents was to find a couple who were not able to conceive who wanted a baby more than anything. I wanted to find people who would treasure her and know that she was the most precious thing in the world. [/font][font=Comic Sans MS][/font] [font=Comic Sans MS]I wanted them to be a loving couple, either man-woman or same sex. I wanted them to live at least an hour away, but in the same state. I wanted them to be people who like to do fun things, take vacations, be active in the community, have animals and hobbies. I did not care if they were well off, but I did want to know that they could provide adequately for her. That was extremely important to me because I know that I could not have supported her, so I wanted to be sure that her a-parents could. I preferred that they were not profoundly religious, but I wouldn't have rejected a couple based solely on that. I wanted to make sure there was no known history of domestic violence. I wanted them to be the kind of people I would choose as friends.[/font][font=Comic Sans MS][/font] [font=Comic Sans MS]Amazingly enough, the couple I found met all my criteia to a T. They are amazing people and I love and respect them and know that my birthdaughter is in wonderful hands. [/font][font=Comic Sans MS]Tam[/font]