Adopting a teen as younger parents...

I'm not sure I understand - do something to my kids? Im thinking we wouldn't be matched with a teen who wouldnt mesh with small kids. They are pretty careful about that where I live. It wouldn't be foster care - it would be us matched with a kid who would do well with our family. I've read several profiles of teens that say they would do well with younger siblings - and many that say otherwise. My concerns were more with my not ever having parented a teen.

My Husband is 36 years old, and we find Teens to be very rewarding!! We also love being a Family Together!! You originally said. ' From Foster Care.' You are right also in that it can go either way. Either do well with younger siblings. As well as the opposite!! Older Youth/Teens have a lot of Emotional baggage. Which with a Toddler and a Preschooler. I would be very cautious with!! If you were to do Foster Care. I would also be concerned with how your children would handle their feelings if the child were to leave your Family?? Parenting is pretty much the same. No matter what the age of Kids!! Juli

I adopted my 15yo son when I was 30. I thought the (relatively) small age diff. would be a bigger issue than it has been. I don't have younger kids, but I know my DS is great with his younger cousins. It has not always been easy but it's easily the most rewarding thing I've done in my life. Threads like this pop up once in a while, I'd look back through some for additional stories of success, struggles, and failure. It's good to go in with as much of a full picture as you can get. Here are a few: [url]http://forums.adoption.com/foster-parent-support/424190-has-anyone-adopted-teen.html[/url] [url]http://forums.adoption.com/foster-care-adoption-what-like/423037-adopting-teen-little-bios-home.html[/url] [url]http://forums.adoption.com/search.php?searchid=3495925&pp=25&page=10[/url]

I adopted my 15yo son when I was 30. I thought the (relatively) small age diff. would be a bigger issue than it has been. I don't have younger kids, but I know my DS is great with his younger cousins. It has not always been easy but it's easily the most rewarding thing I've done in my life. Threads like this pop up once in a while, I'd look back through some for additional stories of success, struggles, and failure. It's good to go in with as much of a full picture as you can get. Here are a few: [url]http://forums.adoption.com/foster-parent-support/424190-has-anyone-adopted-teen.html[/url][url]http://forums.adoption.com/foster-care-adoption-what-like/423037-adopting-teen-little-bios-home.html[/url][url]http://forums.adoption.com/search.php?searchid=3495925&pp=25&page=10[/url]

Whoops, the third link should have been [url]http://forums.adoption.com/older-child-adoption/407862-older-child-adoption-good-bad-ugly.html[/url] Darn these short editing times :)

EdyDedd, I hope that you Publish a book someday on your Parenting experiences!! Juli

That is so sweet! I have been very fortunate with my ds and i have learned a ton from him. I'm testing my luck again...2/3 done with training for recertification :)

I hate to say it, but the information you receive on a prospective child is often inadequate or wrong. Teens are very hard to place, so there's a tendency for social workers to gloss over problems in an effort to find a permanent home for them. And with a large caseload, some social workers may not know the child or foster family well. The older a child is at placement, the more likely it is that he/she has had negative life experiences in his/her birth family's home, in one or more foster homes, or in an orphanage/group home. These experiences may include physical or sexual abuse. Unfortunately, kids who have been abused often attempt to abuse others, especially children who are younger and weaker. Parents adopting a child who is older and bigger than the child/children already in the home will need to provide very close, round-the-clock supervision for a period, to make sure that the older child does not bully or molest. It will also mean educating children already in the home to report incidents that make them uncomfortable, even if someone tells them not to do so. And, believe me, some parents will discover that they have a child who abuses or molests, and that, in some cases, that the social worker or a foster parent may actually have known or suspected it. Remember that abusers and molesters tend to hide their activities and tend to convince victims not to report what has gone on. Also, even homegrown teens tend to be "high maintenance", even more so than toddlers. In the case of adopted teens, you are dealing with kids who: 1. Will be grieving the loss of their birthparents and thinking about race, culture, and identity. 2. May be combining the normal teen tendency to resent authority with an adopted child's distrust of a new family. 3. May have had inadequate schooling and, now, may have a fear of being called "dumb" in a new school. 4. May have had too much independence and too few, inconsistently enforced, rules. 5. May have made poor choices of friends in the past, and may be inclined to seek similar friends in the future. 6. May already have significant experience with drugs, alcohol, and/or sexual activity. 7. May already have had brushes with the law for anything from shoplifting to car theft. I'm not telling you to avoid adopting a teen. In fact, there are always teens languishing in orphanages and foster homes, in the U.S. and overseas, because families prefer to adopt babies. However, you definitely need to understand why many responsible agencies balk at adoptions "out of birth order", especially when they involve a teen coming into a family with young children; there are risks involved. Also, parenting a teen is always difficult; parenting an adopted teen is even more challenging, and parents busy with a toddler and a preschooler should question seriously whether they will have the time and energy to bring a teen into the home. Do remember that many adopted kids need mental health services and some may also need medical and dental care. One thing I'd suggest, if I haven't scared you off, is that you get some experience with teens, and especially with teens who have had a tough life. Volunteering at a Boys' and Girls' Club, a hospital, a program for homeless families, etc. would be good, and you also may consider becoming a Court-Appointed Special Advocate (CASA). I wish you well. Sharon

Honestly, there is no way I'd bring a teenager or preteen into a home with young children. Quite frankly, you are seriously risking destroying your children's childhoods. Even if that teen never harms your child (and you aren't going to be given accurate information on the likelihood of that happening), most older children in foster care have considerable issues that require time and attention, at the expense of your younger children. I have an 8 year old and after extensive research and talking to foster parents and those who adopted older children, I refused to consider any child older than my son. It's just too huge a risk.

One of the reasons why I won't foster teens again is bc they are so time consuming. Our 8 yo FS was essentially being ignored most evenings bc we had to have yet another "talk" with our teen FD about her behavior. Good thing FS was well behaved, but we had to disrupt and the teen girl ended up in a RTC (she had a lot of issues) bc it just wasn't fair to our FS (who we have a strong possibility of adopting). That said, any severe special needs child can create that kind of time issue, but just something to think about. In my opinion, it's better to say no to a placement and regret the no, then say yes to a placement and regret the yes.

as a father who adopted a 9 year old and he is now a teen (14) I would advise against it. There is so much that comes out that can cause some serious drama in your house. It can really scar your younger children if they're not used to it.

My husband and I are 26 and 27 and just adopted a 15 year old girl with RAD and ODD. Yes, it is difficult, but we wouldn't trade it for anything. Granted, we don't have any other kids. She can be super sweet and is an over-all good kid, but she has issues with self-esteem, communication, and a history of theft. We have her in counseling and we work with her on her communication skills. It's a process, but it's so, so rewarding.

Hello, my name is Felix, I am 15 years old, I am in foster care and I am transgender, ftm, still going through the process. I am a very creative teen, I was born June, Friday the 13, 2003. I love cats, I love traveling and I am hoping to be adopted. I came across your profile and you sound like the perfect family for me. I'm from Missouri. I didn't know how else to contact you. And if you're interested, I can talk to my case worker. I am a very great kid, I have a history of depression and suicide, but thankfully I have overcome those times. I work with small kids during the summer at the Boys & Girls club. The kids love me there because of how interactive and playful I am. Although, I have doubts of being adopted, considering the replies above. I guess us teens aren't liked very well. But I want a chance. Us teens deserve a chance and to be adopted like every other younger child.

Felix, It shows great character and courage to be true to who you are! You sound like a great kid so please don’t get discouraged by these comments. Keep putting yourself out there, and I just know one day you will find the perfect family!

[quote=257235]hi i am a teen i am 15 year old i can do a lot of thing like the homework and washing car also i can speak 3 language i really need some to adopt me and thanks