Do you have a legal contract?

We asked if the bparents wanted a contract and they stated that they didn't need one and didn't want one.

CA is one of a few states where a "legal" contract stipulating contact etc. is an option. We do not have one, our agreement is based on our word.

We "have" a "contract," but it is not binding in our state. (Check [url="http://naic.acf.hhs.gov/general/legal/statutes/cooperative.cfm"]here[/url] for binding states.)It was drawn up by the adoptive parents' lawyer as a way of showing me that they were genuine in their desire for an open adoption. At the time (one month post-partum) it was a great gesture to me as I had just found out that open adoptions were not legally binding in our state. (Our "agency" forgot to tell me that rather important little fact.) However, I don't know what ours says. *laughs* Our relationship is based on open, honest communication. So, I suppose, to answer your question, it's a little of both for our adoption.

Jenna's posts points out what is missing from my previous post. We do have a written agreement, one we all sat together and discussed- however it is not legally binding, but is bound by trust.

We do not have any kind of written agreement, and if we did, it wouldn't be legally binding. I do think that ALL states should have this, to protect everyone's best interests and keep people from reneging. Of course, we consider our relationship with our son's birthmother a sacred trust, but I think it should be legally enforceable. Jenna, thanks for that list about what states have what laws regarding open adoption. It inspires me to find out who in our state legislature (I live in VA) heads the committee which deals with adoption and make a suggestion that this be addressed in the law.

No document at all... it is all based on trust.

We have a written "contact agreement" but it is not legally binding in our state or the state where the children were born. It is based on trust and understanding, which we have plenty of. In fact, our adoption relationship has gone from semi-open to completely open and we have much more contact than originally agreed upon.

we have a legally binding agreement with dd's bdad, drawn up at our request. since he wasn't part of the original agreement, and came onto the scene when dd was 8 months old, we wanted to show him that we meant what we were saying. We don't have one with dd's bmom-we'd already deluged them with pictures and phone calls and letters for 8 months, plus was planning a visit-they knew we were committed. with our next adoption (whenever that is) we'll offer one if we're still in CA.

We wrote a contract w/ the attorney we provided for our bmother. They are not legally binding in our state, but based on trust and respect for each other. I have mixed feelings about making them legal. Our adoption was open. By the time our son was one, we had taken him to visit several times and had what we felt was a very good relationship with bmom and her other children and had with lots and lots of contact. We even were preparing to adopt a sibling. As her due date got closer, we found out that she had stolen our son's identity and ruined his credit. She got a copy of his SS card and claimed him on her welfare (we are STILL dealing w/ the IRS on that one). She forged our signiture on several documents (lease agreement, car lease) and got ID's in my name. She gave our name and phone number to some unsavory people who told us to pay her dealer or she would be hurt, etc. It was terrible. She put our family through an awful lot of financial and emotional drama. We had to make the very difficult choice to cut contact. We even had to change our phone number because she would call and be verbally abusive to my 5 year old daughter (as a result of not paying the loan sharks). I only give these details to show that we did not make this decsions lightly. Ultimatly, we felt that the agreement was based on trust and respect and she had broken those repeatedly in a way that is very hard to fix. The only thing worse then having do break it off would be having to be FORCED to have visits and contact. Ironically, the oringinal contract said pictures once a year and phone call's on Mothers Day and his B-day. No visits were written in. Things were going so well (we thought) that we called weekly, sent pictures monthly and visited often. We intend to follow up w/ the original agreement, pictures once a year and have an e mail account that is dedicated only for the purpose of our communication with her. Phone calls are out of the question right now. I can imagine how bmoms must feel because there is no guarentee that the afamily will follow through, but I think that ultimatley the final say belongs to the afamily. It must be very, very, scary. I don't want to alarm any bmoms out there. I really believe that aparents that choose an open adoption are happy to extend the circle of their family and are willing to try very hard to make it work. They do have the choice to do a closed or semi open adoption. I also know that most bmoms have the best interest of the child and the relationship w/ the afamily at heart and avoid doing things to sabatoge that. I also know our situation is VERY VERY rare and most of the time it works out just fine. I do know we were happy to do a "good faith" contract to help her understand how comitted we were to open adoption. We keep hoping that she will be able to straighten her life out at some point and be able to resume the physical relationship with our family. I believe in open adoption and would give anything to have her be a part of our lives again.