I would appreciate some ideas to help my single-Mom daughter get through the holidays. She is so happy with her baby (7 months), our little 3-generation family is harmoniously living in the same house, and she goes back to school in Jan. - the future looks bright.
So, why the sadness? This is her first Christmas and New Year in a long time without a sweetheart with whom to share the joys of the season. Add on top of that a visiting engaged brother who is in the midst of planning a wedding and goes around the house glowing with love. It's even worse when his fiance visits and they are all lovey-dovey (shoot, I get jealous!).
Any ideas on how to cheer her up from single parents or those wiser than I??
Happy G'Ma
Awww...that makes me just want to give her a hug. Hug her for me will you?
Well...ther is the humor side of it. She has the best part of many a relationship..the baby..without the headaches of having to pick up his dirty socks or listening to him snore..or fart. And she doesn't have to rush about now..hooking up with Mr. Wrong because her "clock starts ticking". When she does meet someone, she has a natural built in borometer..if they can't deal with her having a child already, then she can just automatically know he's a jerk and send him packing, plus she'll get a preview of what kind of dad she will be getting for the kids.
But seriously...I would remind her what an incredible and awsome woman and mother she is. That she is very special and wonderful..and it will be worth the wait to have someone good enough to recognize and appreciate all the wondeous qualities she will bring into any relationship. Plus we have to appreciate ourselves in solitude before we can really allow anyone else to share that apprecition. So she isn't missing anything really...just getting ready for great things to come.
Then hug her again!!
Hi G'ma,
Claud's right. When I read this earlier today, I thought the same thing, that she is so blessed.. But I know this is little comfort to someone when all they want is someone to love and then love them back... just like when people say to me "But you're so lucky, you have a wonderful husband, you don't *need* a baby." hmph. I know they're right, but just like your daughter, what I need is to fill that hole in my heart.
The good thing for your daughter, she's only 22 (if I remember correctly?) She is so young, it's not like she needs to worry about not finding a spouse. Gosh, so many people these days are getting settled down later in life these days, and there are so many good things about that... like when she does meet the right one, she'll be able to get a knock out engagement ring! :-) Not that it's about the ring... but there ARE perks! hehe.
I hope she cheers up. I'm sure it's hard for you to see her so down. You're such an awesome mom and g'ma. She's lucky to have you.
I know this hasn't helped. I'm sorry I don't have any suggestions. I was fortunate in that I met my husband my second week of college... and I never had to deal with the dating scene. I don't know how people do it... I hear about my friends that are in their 30's with their careers and they see the same people at work day in and day out... where do they meet new people? I just don't know how people date or where they meet.
I hope she can embrace the joy and love of her baby this Christmas. Maybe remind her how much her life changed for the better just since last Christmas. And that maybe next Christmas she'll have another wonderful addition to her life. Yeah, that's the approach I'd take.
Blessings, G'ma.
Dearest Claud,
You are always there when I need you (squishy tears). A very wise co-worker (who is not a Mom and never wanted to be?) looked at the first photo of my daughter and her and son and said, "The decision has been made for her. She has all that she needs in life and is now in the world of free choice." I get it now when put in the "words of Claud".
And she is developing that barameter (at last!). So, she just put babe down and passed out on the sofa. I will go attack her with hugs.
Thank you so much!
Happy G'Ma
Sweet AwaitingBeloved,
This is hardest post that I have ever written. Your kindness is humbling and you HAVE helped. It has strenthened my resolve to help my daughter to realize how lucky she is to have her baby. She has done the hard part and the "fall off the cliff in love" part will come in due time. Ah, impatient youth!
Hehe - you crack me up! My daughter is not really into bling-bling even though future sister-in-law needs a sling to lug around her rock. I am proud that my daughter values the immaterial but, on the other hand, I worry that she will settle for less than she deserves. Oh stop, neurotic mother!
I keep reminding her of her brother's Godparents who struggled to have children for years. I will never forget the day we went to see them shortly after our son turned 1 year old. We were at their house and our son's Godmother picked him up and went into their kitchen and brought out a birthday cake for him. She then turned to us and asked if we would go for walk around the neighborhood so she could pretend that she was a Mom for a few minutes. I will NEVER forget the look of love on her face when she looked at our son and how wretched I felt that night when I put him to bed. Happily, they did eventually realize their dream of becoming parents (3 times). As agonizing was the secondhand pain, I cannot imagine experiencing it first hand. It is the closest that I have come to infertility and it tore my heart apart.
So, don't let anyone tell you that you are lucky when you have a hole in your heart. And don't ever apologize for wanting to fulfill your natural human desire to be a parent.
Happy G'Ma
Dear Julie and Claud,
Thanks for your encouragement and support. We are getting through holidays just fine. I took your advice and gave my daughter lots of encouragement and extra hugs and helped her count her blessings. Christmas Eve Mass helped her a lot. It gave her time to reflect on how blessed she is to have a healthy, happy baby. A British friend invited her to her family's Boxing Day party where she got to show her babe off to HER friends. Also, a guy-friend at work asked her to go out for dinner next week. The babe stole the show on Christmas so we did not have to spend the entire day watching my son and his finace moon over each other.
Thank you for taking the time to respond. And extra hugs to the two of you for being so kind and thoughtful. Here's to 2006 and all of our dreams coming true!
Happy G'Ma
Hi Happy G'ma,
I just saw your last post and this one, for the first time! You are so sweet!
Thank you for your kindness. You've always been so gentle and understanding with me. And I really appreciate it.
I'm glad that your daughter is doing well with the holidays. I went to Christmas Eve Mass, too--the first time I've been in a church in years--but really needed to.
Thanks for always being so good to me.. and understanding the hole I have. I never imagined I'd feel this way. As a kid, I had no desire for kids so saw no point in getting married! Then, I met dh, and that changed. And when he got sick, I woke up and realized how much more there is in life, and that's when my desire for kids started. Not long after that, we found out the treatment would make him sterile. So began our trek... had no idea that our journey would bring us here.
I'm very happy for you and your family, and your daughter is so blessed to have you in it (I'm sure she is aware of this).
Best to you, and may all your 2006 dreams come true, too!