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I have had a couple of experiences with this. I had one lady ask me if my AA daughter's hair was naturally curly. Had another lady ask me if I was going to tell my AA children if they were adopted. Dh and I are CC! Another lady talked about a bathroom rug in Walmart. She said it looked like "Nigger braids". Luckily my children weren't with me. These were such silly, ignorant comments. I was really upset at first but then realized these people had no experience with AA or, in the case of the last lady, they were just racist. I was wondering if anyone else had any experiences like these and how you handled them. Thanks, Meg :)
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I had my grandma (who has late stage Alzheimer's) refer to my kids in front of several people as my little ni**er children. I didn't know what to say. I felt like I was kicked in the stomach. I can't say much, she doesn't even know who I am most of the time because of her illness. So, I didn't confront her, although my children will never be seeing her again.
My mom had a friend of hers that couldn't believe we weren't going to change my son's name. It is an obvious AA name. She thought we should give him a more CC sounding name, I guess.
I know...people are ignorant!
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My daughter is Chinese and I have recieved a few comments as well...some just downright stupid. My "favourite" was "So does that mean when she gets older she'll be a communist?" Like race and politics walk hand in hand.
I responded to their question with the question: "Do you understand why that was a stupid question or do I have to embarress you?" (Which of course embarressed them, but it also shut them up.)
I've heard countless ignorant comments made about our children. My favorite one was from my grandma. She saw my son when he was only a few days old and with a very perplexed look on her face she asked "Soo...what nationality IS he?" I calmly responded that he was "American" and left it at that! My mother then chimed in and said "He is AFRICAN American." Grandma's comment was funny, but my mother really ticked me off! My son is no different than any other child of mine... I wish everyone else could see if that way!
If your saying the n-word was offensive to be used by the people I said used it, then your right. If your saying I was offensive to post what was said in the first place then frankly, I'm offended. The word exists, and was said, and the point I was making was how terrible it was. When my children are old enough, I will tell them about this word and no I won't call it the n-word. They can't go through life completely censored. They have to live in the real world and I will try and help them face the obstacles that are out there. If we can't discuss reality about trans-racial adoption here, then maybe I'm on the wrong forum.
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Welcome to the USA!!! I'm a light-skinned black woman and I've heard it all as have my most of my family members. I tell my kids (I've had a bi-racial son) to ignore ignorant comments but it's not always easy. Sometimes, you just want to punch someone!! Luckily, my kids have had great people in their lives of all races, so they can see that not all one race is bad.
No no meg, I was talking about the post - the person who said what they said...not you :) Sorry.
Yes, the word exists...sadly...and I agree, education is important - but the word itself doesn't belong here and now that I've thought about it more - I do recall it being used several months back in a way that was less than nice.
I realize that it's been a while since you wrote this, but I would like to find out more on how you 'handled' it when these things were said. We are about 2 weeks away from our child being born, who happens to be biracial. Both my husband and I are CC, with our soon to be son's bmom being CC and the bdad AA. I have imagined in my head things like this being said and how I would handle it, when and if it does. I don't understand how socially inept people can be. First, assuming that the child is adopted. There is a variety of ways this child could've been brought into your life, not just adoption. Don't get me wrong, there isn't anything wrong with adoption...obviously. However, it's up to the parents to determine how to tell their children and WHEN, not some rude stranger in a uncomfortable setting.
I am so excited for you! Don't worry, you will get comments. That is something that will happen, I'm afraid. I just answer the people's questions honestly, trying to educate at the same time. The book, "Does Anyone Else Look Like Me?" is a really good book on how to deal with things like this. I wish I would've found the book sooner! Brandy, don't worry about it. It was my husband that actually wrote the post!
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