Did you back and find bio parents

I did try to meet up with my natural mom and spend time with her. She wasn't interested and I felt rejected yet again. But, I grew up with my mom and didn't go into foster care until I was 15.5 years old. I had told about some abuse going on in our home that I thought was happening to my little sisters. She chose to leave. She chose the "new man" over her children. I saw her again when I was 18 for a couple days. I realized that she cared for me in the best way she could but that she had made her choice and it was NOT her 5 children - it was the man who could provide for her. :confused: :( :eek: :( :mad: I had alot of crazy feelings. But, I haven't seen her now in 20 years. I don't even know totally what she looks like today. I really feel sorry for her. She really didn't need to be a parent. She did an okay job with me while I was with her. No subtance abuse. No beatings. Basic mormon family that valued family - until she met the new guy. I have a woman that I now call my mom. She was my foster home and never adopted me because I had grown up with my mom. I was a little old and didn't want to be adopted becasue my mom isn't replaceable - at the age of 16 or so you are basically grown yourself. In my experience with fostering and adoption ( and I have been around it for 25 years) is that there will ALWAYS be curiousities. But, who was there for the children? Who is there today? You have to remember that these people chose NOT to parent or children were removed for a reason. Your children are YOUR children - by birth or adoption -- especially if they come into your lives at a very young age. Who is to say what that age is but I always say pre 7 or 8. It also depends on what that childs experiences were. If they were bad and they remember the bad stuff they may be curious but they will also be forever grateful that they have you. You may not have given birth to them - but YOU ARE their parents. I am grateful for having a primary caretaker (my natural mom) because even though I was rejected I feel grateful that I didn't bounce around in foster homes. With my foster mom, I was grateful becasue she is still part of my life today. She continues to foster and has adopted 3 and has 4 other foster kids for a total of 7 in her home right now. One of my younger sisters developed mental health issues from being bounced around and because she probably had the worst abuse. The other 4 of us are bascially okay mentally and emotionally. The only thing I want from my birthmom at this time is to know medical and family history. For example, I have a famous aunt. Her name is Dorothy Rayburn and was a singer in the '50's. A one-hit onder. Alot of my family was very intelligent and industrous and educated. But, something had to have happened to my own birth mom for her to made some of the choices she did in abandoning her own children.

I had always wanted to find my birth family since the day that I was adopted. It had always been on my to-do list but I never got around to it. Then I got married and I realized that if and when I had children I wanted them to know the people who gave birth to me. I was lucky to have found my bio mom and my dad's family. My dad died when I was a baby and it was hard for me to realize that all the things I wanted in life would not involve him. But when I found my mom it was like I never left. We talked for hours. By the way, she finally called me this year on Valentine's Day. Then my dad's sister called me and I finally felt like I found where I truly belonged. The advice that I give to you is simple. If your children want to look for their biological families, don't stand in the way. Their real parents will never compare to those that gave them all the love that they needed. If you lie to them and make them feel guilty about looking, you will lose the blessings that you worked so hard to adopt. Love your children and support them in what may be the most emotional time in all your lives. And enjoy every minute of the search and final realization that no one shall ever replace you.Barbie Annza

Barbie were you adopted from the foster care system or through an infant placement?

I was adopted from foster care.... I can honestly say that it was the BEST thing that ever happened to me! My parents are the most wonderful people in the world! They have always let me know that I was adopted (not in a bad way) and they made it clear that if I wanted to look for bios I could - even though I could tell it scared my dad. Well, I did not want to look for a long time... However, as I got older (38 now) and my doctor told me that knowing my medical history would be important I looked... I found them within 5 days of getting my adoption records and I thank God everyday that I was adopted. I do not want a relationship with them and they also have their own families so I think this works well for all involved. HOWEVER, I am SO thankful that I did search for them... My bgrandmother, great aunt and mother have all had breast cancer by age 41 - again God was watching over me. Now my dr can take care of things the way they should be taken care of... My mom and I are both glad I did the search and she went with me to meet my bio aunt... all went well and she is going to the dr with me so I can discuss preventive care for breast cancer and have a screening done that will tell me if I even have the gene...Just thought I'd let you know how I felt about things...(I was put up for adoption at birth but was not adopted right away so I went into foster care - adoptive parents had a waiting period)

I Had It Quiet Diffrent Though I New Who My Mother Was I Chose To Not Talk To Her Do To Her Selling Herself For Drugs And They Way She Talked To The 1st Time I Saw Her It Wasnt Pretty ....i Did Try To Fing My Father Though That Wasnt The Greatest I Found Out He Was Married When I Was Born And That He Died When I Was 5 Yrs Old So There Was No Luck On My End. But I Was Adopted When I Turned 17 Though It Was Amzing Only Because I Have An Awsome Family I Think ...lol