"What to Consider If You're Considering Adoption"

Ah, Skye. :)[/font][/font]Amen. [/font][/font]This was one of my biggest mistakes. I didn't get outside counseling. I regret that.[/font][/font]OR, make sure that the agency you are placing through offers and follows through with post-placement counseling. Find another birthmother who has placed through that agency (or, find a FEW) and ask whether or not the agency followed through on their offers of post-placement counseling. [/font][/font]Amen again. I wouldn't have told ANYONE in the doctor's office or the hospital had I know how I would have been treated.[/font][/font]So very true. Don't start referring to yourself as a birthparent before the baby has arrived. You are the child's ONLY Mother prior to the signing of TPR; let yourself feel that.I love Skye's heart, mind and writing. Listen to what she has to offer not only with your mind but with your heart.

I stumbled across Skye's article one year ago when trying to help my daughter make her adoption decision. It saved our family from a lifetime of grief. Adoption was not right for her, but she was under tremendous pressure from outside of our family to choose an open adoption as "an easy way out" of her pregnancy. Skye's article made her step back take a close look at the risk that she was taking of never seeing her child again and drove home that open adoption was still relinquishment of her rights as a parent. I also remember another article advising that she "hold her baby in her arms" before she made a decision about adoption. I think that is especially important for first-time mothers who have not experienced the magical moment of giving birth. It is often a transforming experience. I would add that regardless of their choice (parenting or adoption plan), expectant parents must guard their confidentiality. Once our daughter decided to parent, my family was vigilent about guarding her privacy. She gave us permission to meet with her medical practice to assure that they did not consider themselves amateur adoption brokers. We also made sure the hospital social workers clearly understood that she had our full support and was living with us. When she packed her hospital bag, we armed her with pictures of our familiy and extended family and of our house and the baby's room. While in the hospoital, she was asked repeatly by doctors, nurses, and social workers where she was living, if she had a job, and where the father of her baby was. One social worker tried to give her adoption information. She had to fight every moment in the hospital to be treated like any other mother. I understand that they have a responsiblity to protect children, but in spite of being surrounded by visibly loving, supportive family and friends, we felt like they were looking for any excuse to intervene. Happy G'Ma

Thank you all for your thoughts. I wish I would have had these articles in my hands when I was pregnant. I can't say I would have made a different choice, but at least I would have had someone really tell me how it would be.