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I have been fostering as a single parent for 7 1/2 years and finally got the opportunity to adopt my first child in 11/05. She has been with me for 3 1/2 years so I thought signing the adoption papers would simply be a formality for us. We all ready knew each other so well. BIG MISTAKE!
Two months after finalization, my daughter went to school and told her teacher that her grandmother hit her over the head with a hairbrush. They called the county children services agency and we were under investigation.
My question is, 'How do I get my family through this?' I understand that there will be a lot of hurt feelings for a while because this has become so personal. We were becoming a close family before this story, how do we get back there?
This is especially tough because I know it will heppen again. R is bipolar, RAD, PTSD, etc. etc. etc. She constantly seeks attention and this whole situation gave her a lot of attention.
I would welcome talking to anyone who has been in the same or similar situation.
lisajm54
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We use a good attachment therapist who documents our child's lies and he goes to bat for us when we are investigated. I am always very open and honest with the investigators. It can be very tough to prove you didn't do something.
I would also be concerned with the school dealing with this child. They need better information. Did your child hit herself and leave a mark?(some kids do) Seems odd otherwise, that a hotline call would have been the next approach.
Sorry you are dealing with this. RAD kids can come up with some stories that can be very damaging. I would also recommend keeping a log of lies and odd behaviors to help defend yourself if you need to. The more attention the child gets for this one lie, the more likely she is to tell the next one.
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Thanks so much for the reply. It is nice to know I am not alone in this situation. To answer your question, she fell out of a chair at the bar in the kitchen. She pushed away from the bar and tipped over backwards. She got up and gave me no indication that she was hurt. That was the only thing that I am aware of that she could have gotten a bump from.
As for the school, I am trying to educate them. They don't seem to be too interested though. The school psychologist thinks she is on too much medicine even though it comes from a psychiatrist that has seen her for the last two years. They tell me that they do not believe she is getting much academically but they want to leave her in the classroom where she is now. We have an MDT meeting Tuesday to discuss the testing and make some decisions as to hwere she goes. At this point I just want her out of this school. If you have any suggewstions that worked for your son, I would love to hear them. I think I am going to need all the help I can get.
lisajm54
Being a single parent makes it a little more difficult. I pulled my kids out of school and home schooled them to eliminate their ability to triangulate between adults while they were healing. I did intensive attachment treatment with a specialist and learned how to be a 24/7 theraputic parent and hired an attachment therapist that comes to my home. Some of my kids did get better.
I'd recommend looking for resources at [url]www.radzebra.org[/url] and [url]www.attachment.org[/url]
My girlfriend is a social worker for the school system and this sounds so much like a case she is working on. If your school has a REALLY good therapist on staff, I would have a sit-down with them (non-IEP related) and start having her see that person. This creates a little safety for you because the therapist will document everything AND she will possibly make some real break throughs. I know you probably already deal with a therapist outside of school but the two can work together - kids treat school therapists so differently. My friend has made some progress that the other therapist is amazed by.