Tracy

January 30, 2001

Originally Posted By michelle

I read your first post. My heart goes out to you. We have just added two children to our family throug adoption. We have an older (7) daughter. The bonding does not always come right away. I love all my children. I didn't give birth to any of them but I would do anything for them. Sometimes when the younger two first came home, I was afraid I wouldn't love them like I love our oldest. It's been three months and I do believe I love them all with all my heart. Take your time, I know it's hard to think about now, but you must do what is right for all involved. That little girl has been through a lot, and she is testing you. Everyone she has known in her short life has rejected her. She doesn't want to get close to you for fear that she will lose you, that is why she is the way she is. I also know you can't force yourself to parent someone you aren't ready to parent. Please, pray and listen to your heart. The answer will come. You and your family are in my prayers. God Bless in whatever decision you make.

Michelle

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January 31, 2001

Originally Posted By marcia

As I posted earlier, I never bonded to my adopted son. Some mothers never bond to their natural children, so who's to blame you for not bonding to someone else's 3 year old. I would definitely get out now, it isn't going to get any better.

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February 4, 2001

Originally Posted By Tracy

Thanks for responding to me. I realize now that posting a message might not have been the best thing for me to do. I didn't realize people could be so mean and think that I meant to not bond with this little girl. I was feeling so badly and guilt ridden (to use your words) when I wrote that message. And then for others to think that I am choosing these feelings just made it worse.

However, things have been changing lately. Not on the part of the little girl, but in my attitude. I am trying to accept this decison and reaffirm my commitment to her. I think that if I can get it in my head that this is MY little girl, maybe I will start to attach.

I would love to correspond with you more if that is possible. You were the only one out there (who responded) who seems to have gone through what I am talking about. If emailing my be an option, please let me know.

Thanks for understanding. And...I wish you the very best. I do have some idea of what you are going through. It is so tough. Thanks again.

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February 5, 2001

Originally Posted By how would the little girl have responded

Please understand how an adoptee might take such a statement -- I apologize but what was said, hurt me first. Just think if that little girl had found out what you were feeling -- would she have reacted any different?

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February 13, 2001

Oh, one more thing, Believe me I tried to convince myself that this was MY CHILD. And some days, when I spent hours holding him and MAKING myself bond to him, I did feel very close to him. As I said before, I really do love him, but then...how sad that I felt forced to MAKE myself attach to him. In the long run, it's still not the same.