I just wanted to see what others thought about this. My SIL keeps on saying that my son has "sexy bedroom eyes". It completely creeps me out every time she says it because I just don't think sexy should be used to describe a baby. I finally said something to her yesterday. She's also too touchy feely with him for my liking - I've actually started putting onesies on him when I know she is coming over because otherwise she walks around carressing his back the whole time talking about how soft he is. Something about it just seems creepy. Do you think I was being overly sensitive?
I think you have to trust your instincts as a mother and protect your child in which ever way you feel is appropriate! Her comments while inappropriate may be innocent, but combined with the touching would also send off warning bells for me as well. Keep a close eye one things!
Is your sil wierd like that?? Or not so much? If not so much, I bet its all in good thoughts. Babys DO have soft skin, and if she isn't around babies a lot.....
Its like...
I have a crazy wierd wild alcoholic Aunt. Now, if some says to Meeah "Oh! your so cute! I'm just going to take you home with me!!", of course you know they really arn't. On the other hand, with my Aunt, she said that once and I wouldn't hold it against her to do something like that.
I agree with others -- trust your instincts. If you get that icky feeling in the pit of your stomach, it's there for a reason. I think it's completely appropriate, and good parenting, to insist that others have good boundaries with your kids.
It would give me the creeps. We have never been the type of parents to let others hold our children even when they were babies so you might just want to keep her from holding him in the future.
Just as a side note. Many people say that expression to people with dark eyes. I've had that said to me a lot but as an adult not as a child.
I bet she does not have any children and does not know what is appropriate to say.
Thanks - I'm glad to see that I'm not the only one who thinks the comments were a little off. Yes, she does have kids, but they are grown now. I guess it bothers me more because she has done other things that I thought were inappropriate - she is the one who wanted to change his diaper and when I said it didn't need it she snatched him away, grabbed my diaper bag and changed his diaper. She was yakking the whole time about how she loves to see babies without their diapers, especially the boys. I think she just doesn't even think of how things sound before she opens her mouth. I don't think it would bother me so much, but she is just totally obsessed with him and she complains when other family members are around because then she has to "share him" with others. She calls him "her baby". When I brought him home and he would prefer me to her (a really good thing since he was bonding to me), she would say "what's so great about her? why do you want her?" She was just so selfish and inconsiderate of the whole bonding process. The whole thing just really bugs me.
I gotta admit the diaper story you just told raises more red flags with me than the bedroom eye comment.
What an odd duck!! I remember your post about snatching him away when he didn't need it changed. I bet she has nooooo clue on how it sounds. People that are "wierd" probebly wouldn't say that out loud you know what I mean? I would just say "look, thats not appropriate talking that way, though I know you mean well, but nonetheless, just quiet it!!!"
She may be obsessed because she misses having "babies". ... Maybe she wants more??
Sounds very strange to me too. I would not let there ever be a time when she is alone with your son. Keep your eyes wide open around her! Trust your instincts.
Wow... the diaper thing struck me as weird too. The bottom line is that you just never know what someone is really thinking and who knows when an innocent affection can turn into something inappropriate. Follow your instinct. The worst that can happen is that your son does not have to hang around with an aunt that pinches his cheeks too much; meanwhile, Mom can have peace that she recognized the signs of behavior that she does not want around her son... well intended or not. Good for you!
To be honest, the dieaper comment wierded (is that a word?) me out! I hope she stops now that you've said something. Good luck.
I think you mad the right decision also. That is a weird weird weird comment. I am a baby nut I love being around babies but that is a little like baby stalker for me!
[QUOTEare afraid to let our family in on the decision too much because it could cause some big problems in our family dynamics.[/QUOTE]
I've recently had issues with an family member. Alway go with your gut feeling and say something. I desided to confront my family in a confrence call. Then I let the family do what it desided with the information.
I did what needed to be done form "my family" in this case for my wife. I had advised and warned the rest of the family and let them do what the thought that they need to do for themselves. My wife and I desided not to be around that family member or at the same venue. If the family member in question came to something and was asked to leave then the police would be called. All this was told to the rest of the family.
Definately do what you need to do for you and your family always. In an instance like this "my" family ( my DW and children) come first.
You are NOT being overly sensitive. Your SIL's actions are inappropriate. Whatever her intentions, she has crossed the line and shows no respect for boundaries with you or your child. You should definitely deal with this swiftly and decisively. I read your posts to a family member and her feelings were even stronger than my initial reaction. In her eyes the combination of sexualizing the child (even if not intended maliciously, though there is no way of knowing for certain) and undressing your son against your wishes is borderline abusive. While I'm not sure I would have used quite that strong of language, it is definitely something to think about.
having read your second post - i'm not any more comfortable with how she is being around you and your son - it could be she's longing for another baby herself, or she has odd language choices ...! whatever! the reality is, at best she sounds really jealous and domineering (not good for you or your little one to be pulled into HER dramas) at worst she sounds manipulative and creepy - either way, she sounds WAY too intense for you, so imagine how that's going to feel for your son as he's growing up - i'd approach this in a sharp and consistent fashion, and if she has a problem with your boundaries as a Mum, then that is her problem and not yours
I have to say your SIL is WAY out of line here. I have to agree with NDN's friend on this one.
If it were just the comment on the eyes, I could probably overlook (cautiously) it, but after reading the history on this, this woman has issues and a very odd sense of children and sexuality.
Your instincts on this are absolutley correct. This is not a healthy woman.
If a man were to say/do those things about your daughter...?