Hurting

Loads of hugs and I do empathise...I found my son in Aug 2004 and now I am at the stage I can't have contact with my son yet it does hurt. Our reunion has had it's ups and downs so when it was good it was heaven, when it's be bad it's been awful. I've had to deal with all sorts from him such as "it's all about me" from my son till I put my foot down and told him it wasn't fair to trample over my feelings. Our latest major falling out has been to do with b/dad issues and his anger issues (towards me) which has been the last straw. Touchy subject for me but basically he has decided I'm not a very nice person and I've made him hate me yet he thinks he's done nothing wrong and done his best to keep me happy :o . Fortunately he needed space which has taken a weight off my shoulders ... sadly it still hurts as I do love him, I just can't have contact with someone who thinks he's perfect. Try not to take it too personally as reunion does have a major effect with all those involved and emotions can get the better of everybody. Pip :wings:

Tenderheart80 is my oldest daughter. She searched for my relinquished daughter for six years only to find heartbreak. I really hope other bsiblings will share with her and help her through this grieving process. To my daughter: you did nothing wrong and everything right. Love, Momma

Mamabee, I love you too! :) (((HUGS))) ;-)

hi... tenderheart and mamabee.... how wonderful to see you both posting... you must have a very close, caring relationship. do you suppose that the reality of what she lost (the type of relationship you two have) was too much for her? Too difficult to "compete" with? Too painful to be around? I don't know.... I am a bmom.... i am raising three daughters and I am 2.5 years into a reunion with my first daughter.... She has never expressed any issues with her sisters... and any "pulling away" stuff seems to be more about her and her life vs us... does that make sense? (She's twenty... c'mon!! She's into her life... college... boys... etc) but I have read on the forums quite a bit about daughters who were placed being reunited and feeling angry about their bsisters who have the "mother daughter" relationship they never had...??? julie

Sometimes adoptees are just trying to push and test and establish some control.Remember there whole life control was taken away from them.If you guys can,be strong and reaffirm your love her when she gets squirrely.Remember ,there are times she is probably regressing to that abandoned infant.

Sorry, but I'm done with this "try to understand them" business. I've been on the emotional rack for nearly 6 months and I've had to stop contact with my bson who found me April this year. His manipulation and want of control has nearly taken me down to insanity. I'm done with understanding. This is one difficult person who really has set my patience to the limits. Yes test, some, but this kind of testing is not only inhuman but cruel. I'm afraid some of us are experiencing this and it really is something I never dreamed would come about from reunion. I've been on the closed adoption guilt trip for 28 years now and I think my bson either conciously or subconciously has milked my genuine concern for him and patience and love to the nth degree and I'm beginning to wonder if he has mental problems that his aparents have not been upfront about. It can be hideous. I've truly found my experience to be so. I can only sympathise with anyone who gave it their best shot, only to find that they have to back off to save their own sanity, dignity and respect because it has been abused.