Looking for some kind of support for Birth Siblings.

Sounds like your sister is rather self-centered...lol, that can happen even when yer raised together :) I'm sorry this is so difficult on all of you. I guess you just have to realize that she is going to act how she does, nothing you can do..If you want to continue having a relationship with her you are either going to have to confront her on her behavior, or just deal with it :grouphug: Sometimes having certain people in your life is important enough to overlook things, and accept that you are going to have to be the "bigger" person to keep it going. I have a birthsister as well. Luckily we get along great. I'm sorry this has been a difficult reunion. Leigh

Hi Tender, I met my brother after many years and its been a few years getting to know him. In a reunion there are alot of feelings that come out from places that we didnt know existed. I have pushed and pulled and tested and sometimes still dont believe that he cares..(no matter what he says). When you have been rejected by parents in your life, it is hard to trust and open up to anyone. I really think that it is a defense mechanism. Rejection is a tough thing to handle especially when you havent had to face it square in the face for alot of years. I am guessing from what I have read about your sister- she truly does care or she wouldnt have changed her life just to be closer to you all. Im thinking that maybe her seeing all that she has missed out on and maybe all of you talking about memories with your mom is really getting to her, whether she wants to admit it or not. I myself have had a very hard time seeing the people my brother have grown up with. It is very sad hearing all the stories, seeing the pictures etc...jealousy sets in when I hear of him going to their houses for holidays, birthdays etc. I think that the only thing that you can do is be supportive of your sister right now, understand that when she visits and sees you all talking with your mom she feels like an outsider, she has not shared the same memories. I think that a good thing would be for your mom and her to spend some time alone together first. Let them share some special time together. Be understanding of her feelings and no matter how she acts right now, realize that she is doing this to protect her own feelings that she probably cant handle. Dont be mad at her for wanting your mom to treat her "better". Translation in hearing that- I think that she would like to feel special, she would like to share something with her mom that all of you have had. Special moments. I know that your mom probably did the right thing way back when out of love to give her a better life and Im sure you have all welcomed your sister. It is a very difficult thing to deal with. If she pushes and pulls like I have, it is only out of fear of being hurt and she wants to make sure that she wont be given up on again. Forgive her. Right now she cant help it. I have acted childish and I have had my share of mood swings. I have backed off as well, which comes into play with reunion stages from what I have read..Dont give up. Deep down she doesnt want you to. It is an awful feeling but I think alot of us out there that have been reunited do this whole testing thing. Is it fair? No..Should it be easier..Yes.. Do I wish I had more control over my feelings..Yes and I am trying very hard, time heals. Good luck and keep me posted..

[QUOTE=Biggsista] I am guessing from what I have read about your sister- she truly does care or she wouldnt have changed her life just to be closer to you all. I for got to add that my sister told us when she and her family moved closer to us that they were not moving because of US. They were moving to better their selves and we were just a bonus. My sister's husband has lied over and over to everyone we know. Saying bad things about my parents that are not true. I have confronted her about the lies her husband tells and she just laughs about it. Acts as if its not a big deal. I have told her it hurts all of us and she doesn't care. Now her husband is telling everyone we know that we all enticed that they move here by promising them financial security with the highest paying job and a fancy house. That they were always able to party where they use to live but they never can because none of us will watch their kids. And now they are moving back to where they use to live because we all didn't fulfill our promises. ALL LIES!

It would really help me if I could get other bsiblings input on this. So far I feel that no one really gets how I feel.

hi tender, I am sorry you are struggling with all of this, there is nothing worse than loving someone and feeling as though you have tried everything to have a relationship with them...been there done that, unfortunately we can't jump into somebodies brain and know what they are truly thinking. The only person we can attempt to figure out and know is ourselves and how we are feeling. I do hope that you know for yourself that you have done everything that you could to have a relationship. I would just be honest at this point with her..I have a real hard time accepting that sometimes we cannot change people into who we want them to be or hoped them to be. I would have given my right arm to have a sister that cares as much as you do..take care of yourself

as I said..i am a birthsister. Leigh

Leigh,Thank you so much. That helps me more than you will ever know. ;-)Lisa

i agree with the poster who said let the adoptee and the bmom have some me time alone. I feel that my bsis had our mom for 28 years and i keep trying to make up for lost time.

A few months ago I made a step back and gave my sister her own time to be with our Mom. My Mom is still in my life like she always has been. Its just that now my so called "SISTER" has nothing to do with me or really any of us now but my Mother. I can be ok with that as long as my Mom is happy with what she has with her other daughter. I'm just not going to pretend everything is just fine when there is NO communication what so ever with my sister. Not my choice hers. I'm happy to know who she is, where she is, and I feel this way because of who she is!

Tenderheart, Just wanted to send some hugs :grouphug: and tell you that she may not always feel this way. Only time will tell.

My sister moved back to her home town. No goodbye's nothing. No word from her.

aww. Hugs to you.:grouphug: How do you feel about this?