Agency Vs. Attorney

My own opinion is that before you go ahead with either an adoption agency or a lawyer, take some time to independently discover what adoption can mean for you and your child -- learn the short and long term consequences as well as the positives. Read posts of those who've experienced it. Be fully informed as it is a dramatically life-altering decision for both you and your yet-to-be born child... much more than you realize at this point. Adoption is permanent, and what you are experiencing may be temporary and may change. Don't get tied up into final decisions until after your child is born. Just for some legal pointers as well, this was posted by someone on another page just yesterday: Informed consent should provide an independent lawyer to the parents who will represent their interests to advise:- adoption is final- adoption means that the child's birth identity is "null and void"- if applicable, there is a revocation period and these are the steps to take to revoke- if the agency is trying to move you to another state, it is likely to a state where you can't revoke- you have the right to change your mind- threats about making parents who change their mind and decide to parent pay back expenses are just that - threats- there is no practical way to enforce open adoption even in states where agreements are "legal" (think about it - what judge will ever fine or lock up adoptive parents?)- your child is your child until you sign the papers- you have the right to medical privacy and to a private birth and to be with your child as long as you want after birthInformed consent should provide an independent counselor to explore:- what's the big rush? birth will probably be a transforming experience, love at first sight- family support, how do you tell your family?- available resources- do you really have lack of control over your life or is the agency messing with your self confidence?- what qualities are needed to parent? do you have those qualities?- what does it REALLY takes to raise a child - not the agency list that makes you feel second class because you will need second hand, i.e., it doesn't take a zillion dollars to be a good parent unless your definition of being a good parent means buying every piece of crap and frill in the store.- will the people around you provide positive support or are they "toxic"?- unless you are "clean", you will probably not be a good parent- you don't mess around with people's hearts- adoptive parents are not social services, if you are looking for a source of money, go somewhere elseHappy G'Ma [url="http://forums.adoption.com/showthread.php?t=245322"]http://forums.adoption.com/showthread.php?t=245322[/url]

Personally, if I were you I'd engage the services of an attorney who would represent only your interests as you explore options for the child you are carrying. That attorney can engage other attorneys or an agency or two to assist you in locating compatable prospective families should you choose that route. What is most important though is that your attorney represent all your interests, not the interests of an agency or prospective family. Regina

One more thing - anyone who causes you to feel pressure to make any decision - be it to raise this child or to place them - should be immediately and completely avoided. Ethical professionals will never do this. JMHO Regina

Hi! I am new to this website, so I don't have the hang of posing replies yet... so forgive me if it's not exactly what you were looking for! When I was going through the process of placing my daughter in an adoptive family, I explored the options of both the attorney and the agency. While the agency was more 'compassionate and caring' I found that the confident attitude that I got from my attorney was better then what I got from the agency. I was provided MANY different perspective families from my attorney AND from some of his attorney friends! He did all of my paperwork and was VERY promt in returning phone calls, and answering ANY legal questions that I had. He was able to help me in a VERY professional manner and I found that I didn't get that from the agency. Everyone is different... and I wish you the best of luck in whatever decision you choose.

I'm not a birthmom--I'm an adoptive mom--so I don't have any good advice. But I just wanted to wish you all the best. Single parenting a three year old is a lot of work, a job hunt is a ton of work, and grad school is about four tons of work. (I say this as a single mom with a three year old, professor, doing a job search, so I really empathize!). I hope whatever you decide, things work out in the best possible way for you and your family. I wish you a happy and healthy pregnancy and good luck with the job search!

For me personally, I felt a lot more comfortable going through an attorney that specialized in adoption. The agency I had first met with I had loved at first. But as time went on, and I expressed concerns with the adopting family I had chosen, it felt like they were more on the side of the adopting family, rather than supporting me. The family I had originally choosen seemed very nice and sincere, but they had called me by the wrong name a few times and it REALLY rubbed me the wrong way. If they can't bother to remember my name, how will they remember or care to send me pictures, letters, etc. The agency seemed to be more vested in the adopting families rather than the birthmothers. I ended up finding the birthparents on my own and we went through an attorney. The adoptive parents had their own attorney and I had my own. It made it so things were really balanced on either side and each of our attorney's were looking out for our best interest. THe adopting family paid for the cost of my attorney. He was an extremely compasionate man, and while I know he does this partly for the money (lets face it, lawyers make big bucks) I know he really does care about each and everyone one of his clients. While he himself couldn't give me any type of counseling, he was able to reffer me to a wonderful adoption counselor who helped me pre and post placement. With out the proper counseling, I don't know if the whole situation would have played out as well as it did. I guess ultimately it's a personal choice as to what you feel most comfortable with. For me, it was the attorney. BUT I strongly suggest counseling, whether you decided to parent your baby or not. It really helped me. Good luck with everything!

Welcome and good luck with your decision, I am sure it must be very confusing and painful for you! I wanted to tell you that, there are pros and cons to any angecy or attorney. The best thing to do is research research research. Do you know Brenda Romanchik? She has a GREAT website with some helpful tips to finding an agency. First off, no matter WHO you call if they talk about you meeting or choosing aparents FIRST that is a red flag. Most GOOD agencies/attornies/etc have counseling programs in place. They help you explore ALL options (parenting vs adoption) and make sure you know everything that is available to you if you should chose to parent. Another red flag is if they immediately start talking about what you can get money wise. Help is available but it should not feel like bribery. Counseling is very important, pre and post adopton (or parenting)!! I hope this helps!! Natalie

Good Luck to you. It sounds like there are are lots of things on your plate right now. Sending you peace and health. Just an FYI, even though we met our bmom via an agency, after placement we decided to make the attorney our point person and skip the agency all together. I figured it was more likely that the law firm would stay around then the agency. If we ever lost touch or she moved, etc, she would contact us via the attorney. We both felt that this was a more permanent option. So, even if you do decide to place and you do use an agency, the aparents would have an attorney anyway (for the finalization) so this is still an option. Personally, I think that an attorney is more stable and more likely to act. We have kept our attorney on retainer and they bill us for the services they do for us for our bmom (for example...she sends him the letters for our son to be kept until he is old enough to ask for them..she didn't want us to have them, which is fine). They ALWAYS know where were are so the can send the bill. An agency won't necissarily keep track of an afamily like that. Good luck to you.....

Oh, I forgot to mention that we have an e mail address for our son's bmom and we made a website for our son too and have direct contact that way too. The attorney isn't the first line of contact, but a nice on to have as a fall back in case things change in the future. ...

Clearly there are pro's to both - but from what I've read, and my limited experiences with agency's you can find more of what your looking for in an agency. Some agencies provide counseling (something attorney's dont), and if you spend a little time you can find an agency that is both compasionate and professional. I really think that an agency provides the best of both worlds.

Hi. My name is Lydia... I am an MSW social worker. Worked (briefly) at an adoption agency) Have a son through open adoption and used an agency and am Matched with a mom making an adoption plan for her baby due in Aug ... there we found each other through an attorney ... who We both now think is flaky ... we flew across country to meet her and her family which was fantastic they had a mini- baby shower for me and my husband! So.,, here goes... I believe that a trusted friend/family member, and or therapist to help figure it all out is crucial ... this is a huge decision and there may be no clear answer. If you are really going to make this plan for your baby ... be careful about people "selling" them selves and telling you what you want to hear, just for the Match... I have heard that people send lame photos, and letters even after promising otherwise... I think agencies and attorneys gain from you "working" with them... a Therapist will be only on your side, which is great and will be handy... There are facilitator who get money from parents for your name and match.... Lots of money. It can feel like a racket... (sorry that sounds harsh) BUT.... There are families like ours that are now able to complete our family because of our birthparent connection and this amazing miracle! We would never betray our children's heritage and birthstory and our children's birthparents are always welcomed in our lives.... Forever. Even if our P.birthmom is saying that she wants no contact after the birth we are keeping everything open and will always be ready for her to regain contact.So sorry for the ramble....Find people who will honor their comitments.. maybe even a family who is already doing open adoption.. this way you will be able to trust them after the days and months and years go by...OK what in the world AM I saying here... If you are making a plan for your baby and you want to find your perfect match ... look for the match it could be through a lawyer, or agency ... it is the parents your are really seeking ... follow your gut ... do not compromise and get a friend/close family member to help you validate... Best wishes PM me if you want to talk more... good luck on your path, you must be a very loving person to be considering this choice... take care lydia :flower: