Update on things....

Do you have any kind of relationship w/ any of her family? It sounds like she's a little difficult to work w/ right now.. which is OK, she's probably REALLY overwhelmed and she probably needs her space. But maybe if you have an OK relationship w/ a sister or brother of hers.. Or maybe one of her parents.. You could communicate through them.. Ask what she still needs, what you can do to help. Make them aware that you want to do the right things. So even if she doesn't want to hear that right now someone important in her life will know that and maybe help the situation from their end. After all, keeping you involved in more than just a financial way is a benefit to everyone involved.

Patrick, I am more of a pratical person so here is some pratical food for thought....its just a thought!:D If you want some ideas on what you will need to get, there are TUNS of web pages with great ideas... Just a caution though- (I dont know your financial situation but most likely your not a millionaire yet?) dont feel the need to get carried away with every item you see. Not only will you spend far more then you need to on items you may never use, who has the time or money to waste? Then to remember where the reciept is and remembering to keep tags on each item incase it goes back ( Although this is a good idea anyway!) Second recomendation if the budgets a little low- as long as it is not a safety issue, is to buy nice, gently used items- as well as having a baby shower with some of the higher $$ items listed... you'd be suprised that two or three people will get together and buy you one large or expensive item that you might not be able to buy otherwise! Another thought is that sometimes spending a little more $$ to get a better QUALITY item is well worth it- if you go on the cheap and it breaks not only will you have to replace it- you have the risk of injury! ( Be sensible on many items- a new born doesnt stay small very long - unless medical reasons interfere- you wont need 75 new born outfits in neon yellow!) Also there are places on line you can sign up and get coupons for really, really cheap or free formula, wipes, diapers, toiletries etc! A good few hours online should really help you! Also when you are at the hospital- ASK for free items, manufactuers GIVE hosptials these items to give out to partents who ask for them ( Its free and they usually have coupons with it!) unfortunately, many parents dont think to ask, or dont know to ask and never get these items. Also, if while you are in the hospital they open a package of anything and do not use it all ( like a pack of diapers) TAKE IT HOME WITH YOU! Seldom do they ever use an open package on another patient - even if you have only used one! Ask for samples of formulas ( and not just one- after all, you need a few feedings over a few days to see how the baby will react!) as well as niples for bottles! You'd be shocked on the truck load of items MOST hospitals have waiting! ( I used to work in a hospital in NJ in the central services/supplies area!) I thru a baby shower for a friend way back when- most of her friends have little extra money ( as did she) so we all kinda knew there wouldnt be too many top of the line big $$ items- she said she was ok with nice gently used items, between ebay, walmart and our local thrift store she got EVERYTHING she needed AND some! One of the best ways we found to do it is to shop second hand stores in RICH areas- people there have the money to buy the top of the line and buy new items at whim- this is great for bargin hunters because they can get good quality items at really good prices and the conditions are usually fantastic! (BTW she didnt know she was pregnant until she was almost 8 months along!) Again- think safety- cribs older then a few years old might have paint issues, hing issues or the slats might not be close enough together- likewise with car seats- its a better bet to get a good new one- but get one that grows with the baby if at all possible- again CONSUMERREPORTS.ORG for that. By way of strollers etc, used should be ok-when you know the best one for your need- and you can get it used or at a good price, better yet!

Many stores add match, so shopping around is really a good idea!

GEEZZZ - I know it is really hard not to know for sure - yes I do! I hope that this does not hit you the wrong way but regardless of the outcome you will know (and hopefully this little girl will know) that one of the first humans who cared for her and loved her is a sweet and kind man. AND - kids don't need every piece of crap in the store. They outgrow all of that "stuff" in no time. And second hand is great - cheaper and you are recycling. My relatives kept the UPS truck in business for months delivering "stuff" to our house for our grandson. He just turned 1 and spent the entire evening chasing the cap to a mildk jug around the house. But favorite toys are still mom's hair brush and the toilet plunger (YUK!). She is probably as scared as you are. BTW - document your support with receipts, copies of emails, and logs of phone calls and visits. Happy G'Ma

Thanks a lot for the suggestions and advice. Me and the mother seem to be on better speaking terms now. I'm definatly going to check the internet for all the deals I can muster.I'll have to keep a notebook too. I should be writing to document and to keep a journal of what I'm going through.Any more suggestions or tips or anything would be appreciated.Patrick

I agree with making sure you keep receipts on items, I would personally take it a step further- whenever possible do not give money (unless its a check!) give an item ( buy the need- diapers, wipes, formula etc) its a lot harder to ask her for a reciept for cash you gave her towards expenses then it is to keep the receipt for items you purchased ! Documentation is EVERYTHING- so always keep it. She most likely will get pissed if you try to have her sign something saying you gave her $50 for diapers and formula- and if you dont have anything in writing should she ever take you to court it could be really hard to prove you provided anything. ( If there is a question on size or brand, just let her know where you got it and keep the tag on everything- also you might want to give her a copy of the reciept- but make sure it says copy on it.)

Patrick,Just remember that it could have alot to do with emotions or just the unknown of the future. If she is not confident on how the two of you can come together to raise this little girl than she might just be so confused that it is causing her to be ok to discuss things with you one minute and back away from you the next, with no reason. And of course for the baby items that your baby will outgrow quicker than you couldeven imagine, shop at consignment sales/stores and thrift stores are great too because you will find name brand items at great deals. Shop ebay, and if you look around you can find display sales at places like walmart (when they have an item displayed and they are updating their displayed brands you can get them marked down). Not that you have alot of time, but look around, you can also see if your county has a pregnancy center bacause they offer parenting classes(which can help you both) with benefits. They usually reward your participation in these classes with fake money for you to shop around in there closet and you can get baby beds, formula, baby clothes, diapers, car seats and many more items that you may need.It is a really good incentive they offer to get you involved in the parenting classes and the classes are very informative and helpful, especially if this is going to be your first. Good Luck and best wishes, hopefully things get better between the two of you for the baby's sake.

Patrick,Any updates to share?

I would strongly urge you to get a paternity test (yes, this can be done now - in utero). You really do not want your name on the birth certificate if you are not the father. You may end us paying hundreds of dollars a month for the next 22 years to someone that is not yours nor your responsibility. You want to be a father not a wallet. Because the mother is only willing to talk finances with you I sence that she is planning on using you,... and for years to come. Stepping up to the plate and being a man does not mean taking over someone elses responsibility. Get some legal councel and soon.