43 & pregnant & uninsured. Help!

are you looking for advice on keeping your baby, adoption or other venues?

Pregnancy is overwheling whether it is planned or unplanned. It takes time to absorb the news. One thing at a time - you are taking exactly the right approach. Good luck! Happy G'Ma

Hi---I live in Colorado, and have some familiarity with local services. In Boulder County, you would probably qualify for Medicaid as well as WIC. I think Denver County must be the same, although the bureaucracy is a little tougher to navigate down there. Call the Denver Department of Social Services and ask to make an appointment with a caseworker. Best of luck to you!

Thank you so much for your direction... it's hard to know where to begin! :-)

Don't feel strange about coming to a board like this for support... I'm 30, married and have 3 kids and I'm nearing the end of a VERY unplanned pregnancy at the moment.... Happens to the best of us :D Some things I think are important to remember here. Make the choices that are right for you, don't let anyone talk you into anything. And remember.. If you do chose to keep the baby.. You do have a lot of things going for you. I know it all feels overwhelming right now but it does get a whole lot less dramatic as the months pass and the thought of a baby becomes a whole lot more comfortable and normal. You have an education, you have a great work history (things that can't be taken away and are great tools to allow you to do what you want)... This situation, pregnancy, newborns... Are all very temporary stages. You are only pg for so long, birth takes like what... A day LOL Then you heal and give it a couple weeks/months and things will move on and get better regardless if you choose to parent or adopt. If you chose termination.. Make sure it's something you think you could be OK w/... Termination is after all the only completely perminant choice here. If you think there will be regret or guilt.. It may not be the right thing for you. Talk it through w/ as many supportive ppl as will listen. Take in all the advice, weed out what you don't need and retain what you do. Good luck!

Thank you so much for your reply. it certainly is overwhelming when I didn't ever see myself as a mother, and then there are so many "obstacles", temporary or not. I am sure there are financial support options available but my income seems to be slightly above where the government programs want to assist ($40K), so that financial burden right now is still looming. I wish I could figure that piece out so I could really listen to my heart on the real issue of whether or not I want to parent a child. And it seems like I am on a short timeframe here to decide, but I see your point in how once the decision is made things will sort of settle down for a few months. I look forward to that time!

men may come and go in our lives, but our children are part of our lives forever. It sounds as though you have some interest in being a mother so I would say continue to explore those feelings. Hate to say it, but many men leave their women after an abortion they insisted their women have, usually because of the guilt feelings so don't think that by complying with his wishes will be the answer for a continued relationship. Whether he likes it or not, he is now financially responsible for the life he helped created, whether he stays with you are not, you and your child have rights with respect to his helping with expenses. Unlike just 10 years ago, men can no longer escape helping with the financial part of raising a child even if they decide not to participate in the actual raising of the child.The courts will decide how much they feel he can pay towards the support. He may chose not to help parent, but he can not chose not to help financially and I hate to say this, but this may be behind his wish for you to quickly make a decision. Stop thinking about him and focus on your self and the baby at this point. just my opinion, but coming from my heart and experiences such as your own where I placed the needs of other above those of my own and my baby's

I have been reading a variety of posts today because I can't seem to get my navigation in order... I'm looking for people trying to adopt, and I've stumbled into this forum. I'm waiting to be picked, selected by a birthmom, who has for whatever reason, a child they are not in a position to parent. I'm not responding to this, your post to convince you to 'pick me' but perhaps to encourage you not to abort. Pregnancy is a gift, no matter how no matter where. It may not feel like one, I'm sure if you are feeling sick today, or in a quandry over what to do, it feels more like a curse. But there are so many people, parents out there, when the time comes, who would gladly parent, care for, love eternally the child you carry, if when you deliver, if you choose to carry the child to term, and even share with you details, pictures, of that child if you wanted to know. If you chose to keep that child, God will provide. He has never failed us, we mis-interpret things when they aren't going our way. It sounds very complicated -- what to do -- about this situation you find yourself in, I know the feeling. I'm an adoptive mother with out state due to Katrina, and find myself wondering 'where to go next'. But even as we sit on the other ends of a big spectrum, it is in fact a rainbow of sorts, and we will find the answers. On a less theoretical note, An events coordinator is a very flexible position, whether you choose to place the child and will be inconveniently pregnant, or choose to parent the child. Even being without insurance is not an impossibility, look at options, call adoption agencies that advertise advice, they are not out to persuade you to place. They want what is best for all and adoption is not always the best, This child was conceived in your womb and not another for a reason! Get information, empower yourself to be better prepared for what is ahead. May God bless you no matter what you decide

First, talk with your doctor. Everything can be negotiated fee wise. Many will give discounts, have payment plans, etc. Also consider proposing a barter agreement - for instance, you plan their company holiday party in exchange for X dollars worth of services. Hospitals are the same - they will negotiate, make payment arrangments, etc. Typically a routine vaginal birth total costs will be in the $4000 - $5000 range. Now, remove the financial burden from your mind. Assume it's all taken care of. What is in your heart? Best of luck. Regina

Regina has great points. Financial issues are things that CAN be worked through. Some hospitals will write off a bill for someone who cannot pay as they have so many per year that they have to do as part of "charitable works." Due to an insurance change with my last pregnancy, we ended up having to pay a little more than we planned so we just simply set up a workable payment plan with the hospital and all was well. They took into account my income, my Husband's and the fact that we wouldn't have MY income for 12 weeks as I was taking full use of my three months of FMLA leave. Saving now can also help in the long run. Buy diapers when you're at the store. (Don't forget size newborn. I don't know why, but we did.) Little things like that. As Regina said, finances aside, what is your heart telling you to do.

:flower: Hi I want you to know your not the first woman nor will you be the last in a situation like this. :) Don't beat your self up. I want you to know, as an adoptive mother of 2 beautiful boys, I admire you for not killing your baby by having an abortion. There is a birth mother support group in your area through LDS Family Services offers FREE counseling to women who are pregnant. They will help you explore your options in single parenting or adoption. Adoption is NOT giving your child away. It's about more! It's about LOVE the most incredible love you can offer. If you choose to place your baby for adoption they will pay for all the costs. You will pay nothing. They have many recourses available including housing if you need it. Look it up in the phone book in your area, under adoption in the yello pages. God does have a bigger plan and he doesn't make mistakes. :wings: LDSFS has a national program of both open and seni open adoption options. You as the mother of this child will get to pick what is best for his/her future. There are so many families out there waiting, hoping and wishing for a little one to join them. People who are ready and waiting to offer any baby the world. I adopted my baby, well he's not much of a baby anymore, my son 28 months ago. I was there with his birthmom when he was born and we are still really GREAT friends. Our Father in Heaven loves every one of us! :grouphug: He knows who you are and he loves you! He has a plan for you and your baby, you just have to ask him what that is and then have the courage to follow the direction he gives you. My other son who we are petitioning to adopt right now is 15, at a very mature 12 he told me... "Mom, courage is faith that's said it's prayers" He's right! I wish you all the best and if you have any other questions or need any more direction please let me know. I would be glad to help if I can!! You can call me... if you want my number let me know. Have courage and you will be fine! I'm :cheer: cheering for you! Your Firend! Monica

:flower: Hi I want you to know your not the first woman nor will you be the last in a situation like this. :) Don't beat your self up. I want you to know, as an adoptive mother of 2 beautiful boys, I admire you for not killing your baby by having an abortion. There is a birth mother support group in your area through LDS Family Services offers FREE counseling to women who are pregnant. They will help you explore your options in single parenting or adoption. Adoption is NOT giving your child away. It's about more! It's about LOVE the most incredible love you can offer. If you choose to place your baby for adoption they will pay for all the costs. You will pay nothing. They have many recourses available including housing if you need it. Look it up in the phone book in your area, under adoption in the yellow pages. God does have a bigger plan and he doesn't make mistakes. :wings: LDSFS has a national program of both open and seni open adoption options. You as the mother of this child will get to pick what is best for his/her future. There are so many families out there waiting, hoping and wishing for a little one to join them, and you get to pick which one you would want. People who are ready and waiting to offer any baby the world. I adopted my baby, well he's not much of a baby anymore, my son 28 months ago. I was there with his birthmom when he was born and we are still really GREAT friends. Our Father in Heaven loves every one of us! :grouphug: He knows who you are and he loves you! He has a plan for you and your baby, you just have to ask him what that is and then have the courage to follow the direction he gives you. My other son who we are petitioning to adopt right now is 15, at a very mature 12 he told me... "Mom, courage is faith that's said it's prayers" He's right! I wish you all the best and if you have any other questions or need any more direction please let me know. I would be glad to help if I can!! You can call me or I can call you... if you want my number let me know or give me yours. Have courage and you will be fine! I'm :cheer: cheering for you! Your Firend! Monica

In our day to day life we are all concerned about money, maybe because it is easier to fixate on that then our real concerns. Medical bills are easily taken care of, you can start a payment plan now so that by the time the birth occurs you have already paid for all of it. After all the birthing costs are only the beginning. The dads ins. could carry all the expenses once the birth happens such as nicu expenses etc. Col. has a great prenatal ins. plan and if you see your income changing drastically in the near future because of client changes then maybe you will qualify for extra stuff. Do you have any co. hosp. near you, they are always a possibility. I think you need to look past the next 7 months and see what your heart is saying to you. Give yourself time to let in all sink in. If you choose that being a mother at this time of your life is not for you then I am sure there are lots of people on this website who would be happy to step in but make sure it is what YOU want, not your boyfriend and not your checkbook. If you see yourself in 10 years with this child by your side, then evrything will work out if you only give yourself the gift of time.

Don't feel silly being in your situation. Our birthmother was 41, pregnant, going thru a divorce and had 4 children (her current husband was not the father of the baby). She chose adoption and we are so happy that she did! We are now parents of a beautiful 4 year old girl. She was Missouri Synod Lutheran and did not believe in abortion. There are so many families waiting to adopt babies and willing to give them wonderful homes. Also, many adoption agencies help birthmothers with pregnancy expenses and what ever else they need help with. You will need to have the birthfather's consent, but since he doesn't want the baby to even be born, this shouldn't be a problem. There are open adoptions where you can have contact all the way to closed adoptions where you don't want any contact. Most decisions are left up to the birthmother!! Feel free to e-mail me if you have further questions- kossefarms@hotmail.com. I'll be glad to see if I can answer more if you need.

First, you are not stupid. If you look online you'll find that you are certainly not alone in your situation. You have lots of options beyond abortion, if you decide not to go through with it. You could parent the child if you wanted to, yes it will be hard but there are several state programs that you may qualify for. You could place the child up for adoption. This to will be hard, but you may find this to be a viable option if you neither want to adort, or parent the child. Open adoption allows you to have some contact with the child, so that could end up being the best of both worlds if that's what your looking for. Again, none of your options are easy... but as my grandfather always used to say "nothing good ever comes easy." I think, in a way, that applies to your sitation. ~W