Guidance/advice for LDS FS clients contacted by non-LDS birthparents

from what I was told you can use your agency and the birthmom can use an attorney if she wishes if she is using an attorney.

I had this EXACT thing happen with our adoption. We were found online at LDSFS by a non-member bmom. Because of the age of the child, we couldn't use LDSFS.

Thanks for the replies! That's more reassuring. It will be awhile before we'll be able to meet with our new caseworker at our new agency. So for now we're just taking it one step at a time. We had a chat online with both birthparents and it went well. We are hoping to talk on the phone soon as a live conversation will be easier and more comfortable. I know it is very difficult for them to make this decision. I just reassured them that they have plenty of time (3 months) and also that we are ready to accept whatever happens. If we aren't a good match, that is okay with us. Having already gone through a match where the pbm changed her mind after having the baby, we really feel prepared to deal with anything. At first I was nervous about not having the agency "looking out for us" but I just had a feeling that these are good people and they are not malicious or looking to scam us at all. So, we're going forward with faith. Smiles,L.

I hope everything works out for you. I think I read that you are hoping to adopt an AA or Biracial baby. Is this baby AA or Biracial? We want to adopt so we will be leaving foster care and would like to go to LDS FS. I think we may also network to find our birth mother so I am very interested in this topic.

I think one thing to remember is that any potential birth Parent can work with LDS FS. Let your contact know of the things that LDS FS offers and see if they would be willing to try them out. You have to decide how you will proceed if they would rather not work with LDS FS...not only for this contact but any other you recieve. DH and I have found that most contacts are willing to work with LDS FS. But all I can speak of is our own experience. I hope things work out well for you!!! Best Wishes, Brenda

Adoption has turned into a nightmare for us. We just experienced failure number 26, been at this since 1999. Listed with LDSFS since late 2004, even had a safe haven baby for 3 months and courts forced us to give her back to bio mom. Have received several nibbles from ParentProfiles.com, two we thought would work, one baby turned out to not be biracial and grandparent adopted... the very latest one birth mom was demanding money and I still need to report her to the police. Sorry this sounds so negative, I am still recovering from the latest disapointments.

26 failed adoptions in 7 years?? Sounds a bit odd to me actually.

We married in 1998 and were asked to adopt a baby by a church member her sister was expecting... all set to then bio dad's mom heard about baby and she adopted. In 2000 we attempted invitro which failed. There were other babies we were offerred but we did not have a home study yet, so we had to pass on these children. We did stop trying completely for a time, then our church agency lifted the age limit, I am currently 54 and hubby is 48. We now have had a home study with them since late 2004 and did receive a safe haven baby for 3 months in 2005. We got included in parentprofiles.com, we are in MI beginning in May, have had a few nibbles, but two live ones, one didn't pan out, grandparents adopted baby and the latest birth mom was demanding money. If you want I can look up more specifics in my journal, I did not write this to arouse suspicion, but to see if others have had a difficult time. I never imagined adoption would be this difficult to impossible.

Oh, Patty, I'm so sorry for all of your losses. I cannot imagine. Our situation hasn't been nearly as hard as yours. I am frustrated that our wait has felt so "long" (almost 2 years), especially when we are eager to adopt a baby of any race and truly want an open adoption. This can't compare to the losses you and DH have suffered. We recently went to the National FSA conference and there met some couples that have waited 4-6 years, so I guess that I shouldn't complain. I would so love to be connected to an LDS birthfamily (even if they were less active), as that is a common foundation we can share. But at this point I really don't know what to do. We've been on Parent Profiles since mid-April. Had over 1,000 hits to our birthmother letter, almost 100 have us listed in favorites. A total of 3 contacts. One the non-LDS couple, and the other two were emails saying, "I'm interested" but then they never wrote back to us again. The non-LDS couple ended up choosing another couple to adopt their baby 2 weeks ago, and just barely let us know after I emailed and asked outright. We knew they were communicating with other families, but it kind of hurt that they didn't take the time to let us know they had made a decision. We've tried so many things, felt good about many things (including some fertility treatments that ended in miscarriage, and a failed adoption 3 weeks after my mother died), so now I just have no idea what to do. I feel no real guidance from the Spirit one way or the other. I'm still feeling a lot of grief from my mother's passing, so I'm working through that--maybe that is what's preventing me from feeling any kind of comfort or guidance. Sorry for the ramble. Just letting you know that there is a lot of empathy on this board. One can't compare suffering, but we can understand each other's pain to some degree. My prayers are with you and DH!L. :grouphug:

I figured it would be as hard as it was to date and find your mate and marry.....essentially adoption is like an arranged marriage...strangers being added to the family unit, without the benefit of a lengthy courtship

I hear everyone talking about ParentProfiles.com Is that the same as [url]www.itsaboutlove.com?[/url] If it is, how do you get the stats on how many people visit your site and how many listed you as a favorite in their bookmarks? If not, will someone please tell me more about ParentProfiles.com. Sorry to intrude on this thread. We have also been contacted by non-LDS **, but she hasn't written back in awhile. Our worker pretty much "promised" us that the wait wouldn't be more than a year. I can't believe some families still wait 2-6!!! We don't even care if it's not a baby. We did toddler adoption before and would love to do that again. We are also interested in bi-racial, open adoption as we have an open adoption right now and love it. :) Now, I think we are going back to foster again and try to fost/adopt. As my bishop's wife says.."They lied to us in high school. They told us if we had sex, we'd get pregnant! They lied."

You get MUCH more exposure through ParentProfiles than itsaboutlove... to date we have had 4-6 live hits through parentproiles, not a thing from itsaboutlove. We don't receive a baby soon either by next summer or the summer after it will be too late for a newborn. I'm even pondering going back to school and have been looking for work, sick of sitting at this machine. We have had a couple of dozen we were suposed to receive a baby and every single time family reclaimed. Been going on for seven long years now... yet we see others around us at church and out in the world toting their newborns around, and all those very pregnant bellies.