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I'm 18 years old and I'm 7 months pregnant. The past month is when all the depression started. My life has completely changed because of this pregnancy and not for the good. It started in January when I missed my period and found out I was pregnant. I didn't tell my mom. I couldn't because my aunt (who's in her mid 20's) was also young when she first got pregnant. Me and my aunt always had this close bond since we were close in age. She's the youngest of 3 sisters and she was always with me. She was 16...17 when she first got pregnant. Everyone always warned me not to turn out like her, and I said I wouldn't be that stupid and that I would wait til I was married to have children. Well, looks like I'm turning out like her anyway. When I first found out I was pregnant I only had my friends to turn to who I thought would be helpful in the end. Turned out to be wrong again. It was a group of 6 of us(all girls) that were always together. Until one day I got into a fight with 3 of them. That ruined our group. The 3 girls went around school telling everyone that was pregnant. I had everyone coming up to me asking me if it was true and if I knew what they were saying about me. I denied it from everyone because I thought that I could get an abortion before anyone really started to notice. The other 2 girls in the group were there for me and they tried helping as much as they could. I ended up calling my aunt and letting her know what was going on. By this time I was about 2 1/2 -3 months pregnant. She told me that I had up to 3 months to do something about it. I found out information about abortion and I didn't have enough money for it. My aunt lives in Florida and she's just starting her life again. I couldn't ask her for the money because I knew that she didn't have it and I couldn't ask my friends for the money because I knew they didn't have enough. As I was going through all of this I met this amazing guy who I fell in love with. He went to catholic school but he had a bunch of friends in public school with me. He found out the rumors and ask if they were true, again I denied it. He asked me out and we spent 3 months together without him knowing. I didn't know what to do. It had become to late and I kept thinking that I could do something about it but in reality I couldn't. My mom one day came up to me and asked me when my last preiod was and I said it was last month. I was starting to get a little belly. It was getting noticeable because i'm very petite and everyone was always jealous of how skinny I was. My mom didn't really believe me and kept questioning me. She went out and bought a pregnancy test and saw that it was positive. She asked me if I knew and I said no because I thought if I said yes then she would have flipped out on me and kicked me out of the house. When she found out the test was positive she was very supportive and told me something that she swore she would never tell me. (i'm not posting it here because it's only between me and her.) So she tried helping me get an abortion. We live on long island and she found a place in New York City that does aboritons. She told my dad that I was pregnant and I didn't get the response I was expecting from my dad. He was 100% supportive for me. I was expecting him to be all pissed off yelling at me and not wanting to talk to me ever again. He's not my biological father but my mom and him have been together for the past 15 years. He's been the greatest father figure to me. I felt like I let him down when my mom told him. My mom, dad and me went to the city and the abortion center told me that I was to late to have an abortion. I felt like I let them down even more. I thought about adoption for awhile and then came to the conclusion that that's what I definitely want to do. My dad was upset that that was my decision, he thought that since I went this long I should just keep the baby. But I feel I'm only 18 years old, I can't handle being a single mother, I'm not mature enough yet. I just graduated high school, getting ready for college and to start my life. A baby is not something that I planned on having. So now that I've decided to give the baby up for adoption everyone is still being supportive. I now had to tell my boyfriend that I was pregnant. He was completely shocked when I told him. He didn't know what to say or do. We both sat there and cried for about a half hour not saying anything to one another. He thought that it would be best if we went on a break. He told me that he still wanted to be friends and that he was still going to be there for me and everything. Like an idiot I believed every word he said to me. It's been about 3 weeks since I told him and in that 3 weeks I asked him to hang out twice and he couldn't both times and I tried talking to him on the phone asking him what was going on with us and he said that he was confused. I've seen him once in the 3 weeks at our friends graduation party. He didn't say 1 word to me. He didn't say hi or ask me how I was. But his mom (who knows and is being supportive also) was there for me all night. I left without saying goodbye to him. I came home and he was online but had his away message up. I left him a message saying "thanks for acknowledging me I appreciated it" and I get a message back from him saying that someone told him I didn't want to talk to him and that I could have said something to him. That is true but after seeing him and having him not say hi to me or even look at me I just thought that he didn't want to be bothered. A few days had gone by and I still hadn't heard anything from him so I wrote him a note and gave it to my brother to give to his brother to give to him (my brother and his brother bowl together so I knew my brother was going to see his brother.) I never got a response back. I then found out just a few days ago from one of my friends that he was at a party for fourth of july and he (my now ex boyfriend) was there and he over heard him talking to someone else who asked what was going on with us and he responded "It's over **** that *****." When my friend told me this I broke down crying. I didn't want to believe he had actually said something like that about me (during the time we went out we never had one fight never got mad and called each other names or anything) It was so heartbreaking. And now here I am miserable without him (I know you're probally thinking "oh, it's just teenage love, you'll get over it" but maybe it is maybe it isn't....i love him with all my heart! He was the only one who treated me nicely throughout the whole time we went out and I haven't had a guy treat me nicely in a relationship before). I now have no friends because they are all off enjoying their last summer before college and working and spending time with their boyfriends. These are also the friends that said they would help me out with anything (you see how well they are helping me out) I don't get any phone calls from them anymore...not even just to say hi. My mom doesn't want me to go out and see my friends because now that I told her that I wanted to give the baby up for adoption her attitude has changed with me. She told me that since i'm not keeping the baby there's no reason for me to be out. That I should stay home until the baby is born and then after that get a job and start my life again. As it is, I have to start college in January. I'm staying home but now I wish I was going away. She's been very different with me now. And I think deep down she doesn't want me to give the baby up but just won't say it. She still says she supports me in whatever I decide but she hasn't been showing it very well like she used to. I don't know what to do anymore. I feel like I've screwed up my whole life! I've lost everything...my friends...my boyfriend...my social life...everything. I want to be out enjoying my last summer before college. I want to be out at the beach, out on the boat, out with my friends but I can't do anything. All my plans for this summer got shot down. And I just feel so lost and alone without everyone that I loved so much. I cry myself to sleep almost every night and I cry almost every day about this and about everything that i've lost. I just can't take it anymore. I don't know what to do. I just wish that none of this had ever happened. Or I just wish that I had said something to my mom back in January when I found out. Then I could have done something about it and I could be happy right now instead of crying and typing this. I know that was a lot but I needed to get it all out. I was tired of keeping it inside. I need someone to talk to. And thank you to whoever reads this.
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Foundoutat50
[FONT=Comic Sans MS]In two months from now, you will have to make a decision and if you proceed with the adoption plan, you will be able to go to college and get back into things. :cheer: [/FONT]
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Foundoutat50
[FONT=Comic Sans MS]In two months from now, you will have to make a decision and if you proceed with the adoption plan, you will be able to go to college and get back into things. :cheer: [/FONT]
[FONT=Comic Sans MS]Best wishes[/FONT]
Hello drmMyownDreamz, It's been a while since you posted. How are you doing? Has you depression lifted at all? I can identify with some of what you wrote. Although I was a junior in college when I got pregnant (In January), I was in denial for a LONG time. (I kept thinking, I'll get my period soon...) I hid my pregnancy until July (my mom finally figured it our and tackled me about it.) I was luckier than you - my boyfriend did not reject me (although he did cry.) We married after graduation and have now been married for 33 years and have two children together. I also felt very alone even when I was surrounded by people my senior year in college. Very few talked about the obvious (even when I was 9 months pregnant.) After I had the baby and was back in class, everyone acted like it had never happened. I chose to place my son for adoption for many reasons. They were my own reasons. My mother I think was upset that I didn't choose to raise him; she had promised to help. Know that whether you decide to raise your child or place him for adoption, it will not be easy! By the way, the father of the child is legally liable for child support. (It does after all take two to create a baby!) Of course that doesn't mean you'll ever get any money from him. Please recognise that part of your grieving is about what you wanted in life that won't happen that way now. (Not keeping your promise to yourself and your family not to follow in your aunt's path, for instance.) There are lots of fears to be conquered. What will happen if you parent...what will happen if you don't. Have you asked your Mom why she thinks you should raise the baby? Ask her about her fears. My bson and I have been in contact since last September. We will never have the relationship we would have if I have raised him. On the other hand, he wouldn't be the person he is now without the aparents who did raise him. (Ironically, he looks more like me than my other two -- he's the one on the right.) Just remember that there is no one right answer. You need to do what feels right for you. If those who you thought were your friends desert you, look for new ones who will support you and be there for you. Blessings,Kathy
Sweetie, we all would be a little depressed if we had to go through what you have. Some of us have been there, it does get better! Things will never be the same for you. Adoption is a great option and at times the best for mother and baby, however, it doesn't end there. I was a single mom for a year and a half. I then became pregnant again and chose adoption. I think about my son every day, just like I think about my other children. I pray for him, cry over him and love him. I can understand your pain, confusion and depression, but this to will pass. I will keep you in my prayers. Let us know how things go. There are a lot of couples waiting to become parents and what a blessing it will be for you to be part of their joy.
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Dear Mothers.. I felt like you do for many years, that is until I found my daughter. The reunion, though joyous has been very painful at the same time. No one should think that they must help another's pain of infertility by sacrificing their child to them. Everyone's reunion certainly can be different, but many mothers finally awaken from a fog of denial when they speak to and see the face of their child. Even now as I think of my poor sweet daughter who had to be raised by a mother other than her own, my heart just breaks. She had wonderful adoptive parents and her life has been good, but she missed her mother so much and had to keep it a secret so as not to hurt her adoptive mother. She too kept her pain hidden so deep it was hard for her to admit it after denying it to herself for so many years.
My heart goes out to you. I cannot imagine what you must be going through. I hope everything is going a little better for you. I just wanted to post and say I think its wonderful that you are chosing life for your baby. Adoption is not an easy choice but it is a courageous and loving choice. I hope for you peace in whatever decision you make. May God Bless...:wings:
Kindreds
Administrators..Anyone watching this thread???It is clear that many of these posters are soliciting this girl by asking that she email them privately. Most of these posters are potential adoptive parents. What happened to the report this thread option?
I noted that the poor wee girl hasn't answered. I wouldn't either.I see so much support for adoption and for parenting.Do I have the answer?no indeed! I made MY decision with the circumstances around me and my needs and that of the child.Perhaps if the wee girl that is expecting DOES choose to post again, after all the "this side" and "that side", I can tell her. I SUPPORT YOUR DECISION, WHATEVER IT MAY BE.poor wee girl. But, on the upside, she has parents that seem from her posts to love her. I'm sure they will support her WHATEVER her decision is for WHATEVER reasons, and so will I.dmca
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Okay, I say this as an adoptive mom, but one who is not looking to adopt again right now. So I'm not self-interested in this.Jenna said that we need to tell expectant moms everything. I think she's right. But that includes telling them that being a single parent is really ungodly bloody hard! I'm a single mom by choice. I became a mom in my mid-30s. I have plenty of education (too much, probably!) a good job, and a middle-class income. And there are *still* days when I think I'm going to crumble under the weight of the incredible amount of sheer work of single parenting. Single parenting is wonderful, joyful, and emotionally satisfying. But along with all the sweet loving moments with my son, there is also a gawdawful amount of laundry and cooking, tremendous financial pressure, and not much of a social life. I made choices and I don't regret them, but to pretend that life will just roll along if a single woman decides to parent is flat out wrong. Look, I can't leave my own house after 8 pm, because my son is asleep. I can't go out for dinner often, because babysitters are so expensive. It's almost impossible for me to travel---and I have to travel for my job! Lots of nights, I literally fall asleep with my clothes on and the lights on, I'm so tired.I love being a mom, and I even love being a single mom. I wouldn't change it for all the world. But I wonder a lot how women with less family support, fewer career options, and less money do it. The reality is that single parenting is unbelievably hard. I really hope that as expecting women are making their decisions, they have a realistic view of both adoption and the decision to single parent. The reality is that neither one is very easy.(Sorry to derail the thread with my soapbox!)
I would never tell you anything like "oh it's just teenaged love", love is love and the loss of it is painful. You're going through such a rough patch right now in your life, and you certainly didn't need someone to be so careless with your feelings. Try to focus on what you would like to see happen with your future, once you make some decisions on what you want you'll get more of a sense of control over your own life and you'll feel a bit better. Don't worry about your high school friends, you'll make new friends sooner than you think and high school is not like college or any workplace you'll ever know. I found life after high school a much nicer place.
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I know exactly how you are feeling. It reminds me of me a long time ago. My son was adopted in a closed adoption but by my dad's relatives so I know exactly where he is. He is turning 18 in 39 days. I am counting - what does that tell you. The one thing I can offer as a birthmom - is I never realized how much anger and hatred I'd feel after I had children. I have always felt robbed of my son - but now I have children who have been robbed of an older brother. You are not at that place yet - but as someone stated - it is such a permanent solution to a temporary situation. Families come in all shapes and sorts. Don't assume that you are not the best person for your child. Don't let anyone make you question your confidence in yourself. You will always be changed from this experience - and it can be for the good. One of the beautiful things about having kids - many of your friends are the parents of kids the same ages as yours. Maybe your new friends are just out there waiting to meet you. Best of luck to you..
Hello:
I think that everything you are feeling is completley normal. You are going through a lot right now and have so many important, life changing decisions to make. I am so sorry that you haven't been getting the support you need and deserve. It is hard enough being young and dealing with friends, and parents, and boyfriends, but when you add pregnancy in the mix it gets even more complicated. Remember also that being pregnant can really effect your moods and some people even get depressed from the hormonal changes. Please mention it to your doctor and definatley get in contact with some adoption or pregnancy support specialists to make sure you get the support and care you need.
I also am gratefull you found your way here as there are so many kind people, willing to listen and help build you up when you need it most.
Only you can decided what is best for you and your baby. Being a Mom is the greatest blessing in the world and there is nothing sweeter than holding your baby for the first time. But again it is a huge responsibility and only you know if it is the right time in your life.
Keep your chin up and remember that there always is hope! I'm sure if you do decided to place your baby for adoption that you will be able to find a lovng home with parents that will be willing to welcome you into their hearts as well and give you the support you need to make a great life for yourself!
I will be thinking of you! Feel free to Private message or IM me if you ever need a listening ear.
Big hugs!!!