birthfather's family

manni28, yes, its in kauai, i got engaged there in January...you are from there right? it is such a beautiful place...i put it in my signature because it makes me happy to look at :) back to the post: i understand what you mean about judging people who date and or sleep with married people. i agree...i also have a few friends and a bdad that date married people...to deal with that i just say to myself that its none of my business and i don't really put much thought into it... cheating on your spouse is wrong...the consequences are bad...in the long run they will work out hopefully....

I was born in NJ but raised in Miami FL. My hubby and I went to Hawaii last year ( the big island) it was "ok". I was there before when I was a kid. I heard that Kauai is much nicer.

It doesn't show me in a good light? because I talk to her, or allow her to talk to me? I feel sorry for this girl. She doesn't seem to have any other friends at work, she is depressed, she breaks down crying frequently.... I know I can't solve her problem, but everyone mistakes, everyone. Maybe her mistake is worse than a mistake you or i might have made, but I am the kind of person who believes I should help bear the burdens of others, whether those burdens are self-induced or not. I am sorry if i offended anyone by coming here to ask for advice. Thank you, though, to all those who responded.

Forgive me if I am wrong, but I think everyone is getting "sidelined" by the infidelity and not looking at what is best NOW for the mother and child. Makhaze - Just be supportive of your work-mate - be there for her if she needs someone to talk to. If necessary, she will contact the birthfather. She just sounds like she was looking for a pair of arms to support her and a shoulder to cry on - every now and again. Maybe she didn't wantadvice, just to share her story with someone not involved. As for the father..........Let those who have not sinned cast the first stone. Well.....that eliminates me I'm a birthmother and society didn't agree with my actions either. Ann :flower:

Mkhaze: I mean't the girl ,at work, not you ( been seen in a negative way)

I agree. This woman sounds like she needs a friend, and apparently there are not many people around her that she can talk to. Bless you for being a friend to her. If she asks for advice that is when I may offer my opinion to her, but if we are going for what kind of advice, and offering opinions then mine would be that NO LIES be told. No half truths. (At least for the time being for the adults in this situation) In a situation like this, there is no time for secrets (again I'm talking about the adults in this situation). I, too would want to know if my husband fathered another child. Not to punish the child or my husband or anyone else. I'm not touching that with a ten foot pole in my response. But I am saying that lies about things like this, or cover ups, always seem to have a way of jumping up and biting you on the behind when you least expect it. Not to mention, it's one thing for a couple to deal with the infidelity. It's something entirely different when a secret like this is kept from a spouse because no matter what - it is BOUND to cause problems in the marriage anyway (guilty conscience, lying about why money was spent here and there, etc.) It just makes sense to tell the truth, and well, let's face it, I'm not saying either one of them are habitual cheaters, but STDs and disease can be passed on even if a person is not showing symptoms or does not know they have something. It would not be fair in that instance to let a spouse continue to believe that their other half has been faithful when it could at some point mean a matter of life or death or any kind of health issue. I know that was not the point here but it is something to think about:) Take care,

Manni28 , sorry, when you said the op, I thought you were referring to me (original poster). Sorry if I misinterpreted what you were saying.The plot has thickened. I found out some more last night at work, I will probably touch on this later, right now i have to go back to work and don't have a lot of time. I am really finding it kind of weird how she is talking to me about all this. We are not that close but, like i said, she doesn't seem to have any other friends. I think i am just the kind of person people seem to open up to.I will keep you all posted. And I really appreciate the honest answers on here.

Amen! At the very least both mother and baby deserve the financial support of the father. Pursuing child support sends the strong message to this child that he is worth being recognised by both his parents.

I agree that the child absolutely deserves the financial support of both parents.

Paula, it's been several months. How is your co-worker doing?

Bumping this thread up again.

I really don't agree with this, this man is hurting his family. He is deceptive, not this new baby. Why should this child suffer the loss of paternal relatives for his father's inability to "keep his pants in his own dresser drawers"? Why should daddy continue to go around having all these dirty little affairs. The wife is already hurt, not knowing it doesn't make it less of a betrayal.

Hi everyone. It's been a long time since I have been on here. Didn't have a computer for some time. Just wanted to update a little on this. I no longer work where i did when I knew this lady, but the last time I talked to her she said that "he is a good man" and she would never do anything to mess up his life. Personally, i think her ideal of "good" is a little twisted.

wow, thanks for the update...i feel bad for the child and its siblings. ;(

I'm relieved that any decision she made was her own and that she is happy with it. IMHO It's not up to us to work out who is the victim and who is wicked. We only know one side of the story. Ann