how to explain

well, close enough to answer, I suppose.I relinquished my rights to my daughter almost 40 years ago. My son's girlfriend became pregnant and when she decided to keep the child, I told her then that I would always give her and the baby a home .I didn't then tell any of my sons about my daughter. Hardest thing in the world to do, to sit still , shut up and allow the girl to make HER decision, the RIGHT one for HER, not me.Wasn't until the now that I told any of my children ( including my now 11 year old grandaughter that the girl had) about my daughter.thought they had enough on their plate without me adding to it. If you MUST tell you 8 year old, I suggest your get some professional advice on how to do it. that's so young, and you know how insecure they are at that age. Don't want her thinking " maybe I'm next, if I don't mind my P';s and Q;'s".You don't have to answer this, but what about the baby coming? did your family and daughter decide what to do?dmca

Thanks for responding, and sorry it took so long to get back to you. I'm still trying to figure this chat thing out.I will have to tell my 8 yr old soon because she lives with me and her older sister is beginning to show. Once the younger one finds out the older one is pregnant she is going to be excited of course. My daughter signed her adoption intention papers yesterday so I'm going to have to tell the little one about the adoption. I have asked the social worker if she had any ideas about how I should approach the subject but unfortunately she didn't. So I am searching the net to see if anyone has been through this and has any pointers.My oldest knows I gave my son up almost 23 years ago, but of course my youngest doesn't know that. It was a closed adoption, very closed. My family pretends it never happened so I am trying to keep them out of my daughter's decision. This is very hard to do and I really find it hard because I have no one to talk to about it and have never fully gone through the grieving process for my son. You kept your secret a long time-did you go through the grieving?

I think most birth mothers grieve. It's like a death, except you know they're alive.( or assume they are).So, your daughter is going to relinquish her child? Are you sharing with her your experience in this matter? Or allowing her here to talk to others about how she is feeling?I did note that there are a couple of women, with unplanned pregnancies that are sharing their worry, concern and questions with others.I wish there were some magic way to talk to your daughter ( the baby 8) about this, but, I don't think there is.Have you looked up books you can get at the library? I suppose you are going to have to reassure her that she will never be relinquished. I think that is a must. Now with open adoptions, ( if that is what your daughter chose), you all will know that the child is alright , that is a gift, don't you think?That may help your little one, too. To know that the child will never be "lost" and later in life, they may become close.I'm so very very sorry that your grandchild will be adopted out. I wish I could hug you and give you some comfort. HOWEVER, the new style of adoptions, you will be able to keep in touch, ( open adoptions) with the parents and get pictures that you all can share.keep in touch.dmca