1st visit with Birth family-child is 41/2 months old

[font=Comic Sans MS]I think it's important that you be confident with your child. They need to see that you are relaxed with her, that you are intuitive to her needs and that she is thriving in your home. If you give the impression that you don't know how to act with the baby, it will take away from the impression that you are confident in your role as her mother - and that's who you are now - they are interested in seeing your daughter thrive but you will have to fight a number of battles for her until she is grown and it's important that you have no doubts that YOU have the mothering role. You don't have to give a house inspection or anything to validate your capabilities!![/font][font=Comic Sans MS][/font] [font=Comic Sans MS]Since it's the first visit since one week old, I think if you are uncomfortable with something you need to remember that it's their first visit, too, since then. I'd try to overlook things unless you see a pattern you don't like. It's really early and they have to get comfortable with their role, too.[/font][font=Comic Sans MS][/font] [font=Comic Sans MS]Best wishes [/font]

thanks so much! it made me cry what you said about them seeing me as the mother, I guess that is the part that I find the hardest, because I just don't want to make it harder on the birth parents..but I think you are right, they chose me and my husband to raise their daughter..so I need to let them know that I can do it!! thanks again!

Don't be too hard on yourself. Yes, it might be hard on them, but I bet it will make them feel SO good to see how happy you all are and how well the baby is doing. It could reaffirm their feeling that they did make the right decision to choose you. I think they'll be glad to hear all about the things the baby is doing right now, what the daily schedule is like, how you talk about them to her, etc. Good luck! I hope each visit gets easier for everyone! This is such a good thing for your daughter!

I moved your thread to a more appropriate forum - where other adoptive parents and birth parents in open adoption can respond!

We had our first visit with the birthmom when our daughters were almost six months old. We expected it to be her and her daughter and her boyfriend, but she showed up with about 25 family members, as well! Yikes! I was very nervous leading up to the visit (we hadn't finalized yet and I think that was playing on my emotions a bit), but the actual experience was fine. After a hour or so of everyone passing the babies around and making a fuss over them, one of the twins started to fuss. C very calmly brought her to me and said "Go with Mommy now." S laid on my shoulder, snuggled in and went to sleep. That was a very special moment for me, that C saw me as Mommy and didn't seem to have difficulty acknowledging my role in my daughter's life. Just be yourself. Enjoy your time with your baby's birthfamily!