Anybody been turned down by pbfamily because they are Jewish?

I was told that the most important thing is not being Jewish but celebrating christmas in the home. I am jewish my husband is Protestant/catholic. We celebrate all holidays around here and have an xmas tree. So it doesn't seem to be a problem maybe because some pbp's want their kids to experience Xmas???? My consultant told us this and it made sense...

I work at a private agency and I would say that religion is not usually the primary deciding factor. We have a lot of birth mothers who say that they would prefer that the family is not 'overly religious' but that is often as far as it goes. We do however occasionally have a birth parent who will request a specific religion, but it doesn't happen often. I also know a woman (not through the agency) whose second adoption was fast tracked because the family wanted a practicing jewish family and this family was the only one the SW knew of that was pursuing adoption... so you never know! :coffee: Carrie

"How vegan and kosher equal the same thing, I don't know and I didn't ask. " I too, literally LOL at that. We are a mixed faith marriage - I am Jewish, DH is Christian. One of the reasons that our children's first mom (bmom is Christian, her mom is Jehova Witness) chose us was because of our different religions. She felt that if we could work together and respect each other on that, then we could work out almost anything. Now our funny was when she told us "the kids being raised Jewish doesn't bother me, as long as they believe in Jesus" confused: We made sure to clarify it to her before our first child was born, and now she has learned quite a bit about Judaism, and sends cards to the kids for all the Jewish holidays.

Our lawyer told us at the beginning of our domestic adoption process that being Jewish can be a strength, because many birth mothers associate Jewish families with closeness and warmth. Unfortunately, that's not really true most of the time. What I realized later is that my lawyer deals almost exclusively with adoptions where a match has already been made. What we have found is that being Jewish is a definite drawback to being considered for a match, but not definitive. Several birth mothers have declined to consider us as a result of our Judaism--or, more specifically for them, our not providing a Christian home. I don't think it's anti-semitism, and can understand if a birth mother's religion is important to her she'd want her child raised in that religion.

We were not turned down for being Jewish, but our agency told us that the wait could be longer. It was, but our bmom was cool with us being Jewish. Her family was not. They were appalled that he would not be raised Christian. Oh, well...they have all come to accept it.

I think potential adoptive parents need to be honest when speaking with an agency or potential birth mother. Especially in an open adoption - or even in a closed situation - truth does eventually come out. If you are a Jewish family planning on raising your child Jewish, then that is the truth. If you are a mixed marriage and celebrate both Easter and Passover, then that is your reality. But it's dangerous territory to say one thing when something else is true. Eventually, our children gain access to their records and may choose to meet their biological records - it's important (at least in my opinion) for everyone's story to be the same....

Billysmommy, your story brought tears to my eyes! What a terrific outcome!Thanks for brighening my day. G.

Thanks to all for the useful and encouraging information. We're just setting out with an agency in Florida and this is a concern.

My husband was born in Israel and moved here when he was 2, so his name is not a very common one here in the States. On our profile, we were planning on using his name the way it is, but now we're thinking twice about it. Our friend who is also speaking w/bmoms said her experience was that the bmoms wanted their children to be brought up with Christian values. Her recommendation was to Anglicize his name a bit so it's more recognizable to most people. Our atty also said we might want to consider this. I can use some advice...anyone?

We are stationed (military) in Georgia and we have had the hardest time working with agencies because they are predominatley Christian I have been told that they would not work with our family even though my husband is Christian. When we worked with an open agency we had BM turn us down because of my being Jewish and our son (bio-son)is being raised in the jJewish faith as well. We are interracial family, husband white/christian and I am biracial/Jewish. We are always told that our interracial marriageis a plus because of all the mixed children out there but when birthmoms heard Jewish, that killed it. ten years and $20,000.00 later, we are still trying. Meeting with new attorney in December.

We are stationed (military) in Georgia and we have had the hardest time working with agencies because they are predominately Christian. I have been told that they would not work with my family even though my husband is Christian. When we worked with open agencies when we lived in other states, the birthmom's have turned us down for me and our bio son being Jewish. We are an interracial family, my husband is White/Christian and I am Black/Puerto Rican/Jewish. Agencies always tell us that we are great because there are so many mixed babies being born but the Jewish thing is what kills it when the birthmoms find out. Ten years and $20,000.00 later we are still trying and meeting with a new attorney in December.

I agree. I know someone who is Jewish (heritage) and her husband was raised protestant-however, neither believe in God and are open about being atheists. For both adoptions, though, they put in their homestudy & adoption applications that they would be raising the kids Christian with an understanding of Judaism. A complete lie. I thought it was horrible that they were deceiving birthparents in this way. Both children are teenage atheists. Imagine how the birthparents will feel believing that the kids were raised as Christians. For many birth families, religion is important. I know I would want a Catholic family for my child. If I couldn't have a Catholic family, I would want a christian family. And I would fully expect the child to be raised as a christian-not an atheist. For the record, I didn't know what they did until their youngest was already home.

JGS, You might want to look into international adoption. There are only a few countries with religious requirements, and those are usually countries where the orphanages are run privately, and were established by Christian missionaries. Jewish people routinely adopt from countries such as China, Vietnam, Ethiopia, Guatemala, Russia, Kazakhstan, India, Colombia, etc. Many international adoptions wind up costing less than a domestic agency adoption of a newborn, even when you consider the expenses of travel. The main drawback is that you generally won't be able to bring home a child until he/she is close to a year old. Still, there is a lot of "baby" in a one-year old, and you'll be surprised at how little you really miss. I am Jewish, and the very happy Mom of a daughter from China. My homestudy mentioned the fact that I am actively Jewish, and this was never an issue. Today, my daughter -- whom I adopted when she was 18.5 months old -- is 12 years old. She was converted in a Conservative mikvah soon after she came home, and named in our Reform synagogue the next Shabbat. She attends a non-Orthodox Jewish day school in the Washington, DC area. The "face" of the Jewish community is changing rapidly, and it is no longer unusual to see Asian, Hispanic, and Black children in synagogues and Jewish day schools, especially in big cities, as a result of adoption as well as intermarriage. You might well find that international adoption works for you. Please feel free to contact me about international adoption and how it works, as well as about raising a non-White Jewish child. Sharon

JGS, I'm new here and your post caught my eye. I live in Georgia and have been concerned that being Jewish could hurt our chances. Here in Atlanta you could try contacting Jewish Family and Career Services/Cradle of Love. Also, Independent Adoption Center works with all religions. I have not worked directly with either of these agencies but have calls in to both. Good luck,

Hey, I know It can be sounds meshigne, I know. I'm looking for a family In LA to adopt me. I'm here by myself, 34 years old, independent,healthy, just have no family here. If you know about a good normal family, I'll be happy to get a reply. If not, I would appreciate It If you can direct me to someone. Tnx,