Advertisements
I was born 4/4/80 and was adopted on 7/1/80. I grew up in a great home and had a wonderful family. We adopted by sister when I was 5. My entire life I have wanted to know more about my birth mom. My NID makes me thing we look so much alike and my daughter is the spitting image of me. Her interests are even that of mine. I started searching off and on when I turned 18. For some reason a month ago I finally decided I was ready to persue her. I found an intermediary in Texas to get a court order to get my birth certificate, find her and then send her a letter requesting communication. In the meantime I had called Catholic Charities asking them for updated medical information because it is very important due to issues that I have and possible my daughter/son will have. Basically they have lied to me so much I don't know if they ever tell the truth or not. But they sent out a letter to my birth mother on 8/4 telling her I had requested updated medical information. This is after they told me they had not tracked her down yet, that they would include a letter to her from me when they did find her and they would tell me when they found her and would only contact her when I told them to go forward. None of this happened. I had sent them a letter to send to her and in that email I told them to please not contact her until I tell them I am ready for it. My main reason for this is because the lady handling this is a birth mother who's bs is 38 and her mom freaked out when he found her. It was not a good experience. I did not want her or Catholic Charities discouraging my birth mom from contact based on others experiences. I found out last Wednesday that they had found her on 8/4 (the same day they had no idea where she was) and mailed out their request. I am waiting on the court order to come in and then I want my intermediary to serve Catholic to get my file. She originally was just going to get my birth certificate as to not tip CC's off, but they've already gone out and contact my birth mother. I know this is long and drawn out, but here is my question. Did you want to be found? My letter to her made it clear that I was in no way wanting to disrupt her life. If she did not want to make contact I am okay with that. Either outcome I would have closure. I wanted her to know that I had a great childhood and I don't expect anything from her. I poured my heart out and I wanted her to read my letter so it may have helped her know how I feel and to perhaps help her decision. I feel that CC's may have messed it all up since they just sent out a form letter and didn't show her my heart. It makes me sad. My sister had a bad reunion (thank goodness she was adopted, her biological dad was in prison), but she now has a good relationship w/ her full blooded bio-sister. My friend's reunion with his birth mom went horrible this past week. My birth mom was 17 and still lives in Fort Worth where she grew up and I was born. Do you think she may want to know me? I know no one can answer with certainty, but I'm going crazy waiting. I want to know if I look like her, her personality, etc. Birth mothers, did you want to be found? The waiting is driving me crazy. In all honesty, I say I'm prepared for her to not to want contact, but I'm not. I don't think I can handle it. Sorry for the ramble, I just have to get this off my chest. I'm so scared that she doesn't want to see what I look like or know about me. I guess it's okay, but it will hurt.
Like
Share
Do you think she may want to know me? I know no one can answer with certainty, but I'm going crazy waiting. I want to know if I look like her, her personality, etc.
Advertisements
Patience is definitely not one of my virtues. What's killing me is Catholic Charities won't tell me crap and waiting on the dang courts. I know this sounds crazy, but I wish I knew a computer hacker to get into the ladies computer because I know she's gotten emails and sent them regarding her to their legal counsel. If only I could see them. I'd know her name. A name. Who knew how important a name is.
I am a birthmother. I am anxiously waiting for contact with my daughter. She just turned 18 and the Agency can not releash any information to her until she is 21. I was given pictures of her up until she was 6 weeks old, one of the pictures has been framed and has been on my nightstand all of these years. She has never left my heart or my thoughts. Lots of hugs your way. :grouphug:
I, like your birthmom, was 17 when my son was born. I am in the same town - married, successful, and raising a family - as when he was born. I am sure there are several who know nothing of him being born to me. I am fortunate that I know exactly where he is, but that is torturous too. My son will be 18 in about 6 weeks. I would love to think he is thinking about making contact with me. Ever since he left my side, I have thought of him. Now that I have other children, I have a hostility for the fact that I was not the only one robbed of his life, but my children were too. Best of luck to you in your pursuit. Keep us posted. I love adoptees' perspectives:) .
Advertisements
I was forced to give my son up for adoption when he was 1 & 1/2,he's 17 now and I hope he wants contact with me.In 9 months I'm going to start my search for him. 2 weeks ago I found my husbands daughter who was also given up for adoption and shes already became a big part of our lives,she even calls him dad.
Nothing ventured nothing gained. My daughter was placed in Tarrant county. She did not get my name from a birth certificate but worked with a private investigator using my "non identifing information." I would not have searched not wanting to interupt her life but am glad that she searched. I think your bmom will be pleased to learn that you grew up in a good home. Just keep in mind from the start that what may be a fact finding mission on your part involves her heart.
I'm new to this site, and I saw your post and wanted to respond. I gave up a son for adoption in April of 1990, when I was 21. During the birth I had the doc put me completely out so I could not see or hear him, because I had already chosen a family and I did not want to take the chance of changing my mind and devestating them. I thave thought of this child daily in the last 16 years, and I am looking forward to the day when he hopefully searches for and finds me. I am willing to invite him into my life if he wants to be a part of it. I am much more worried about how he must feel about me for giving him up. Although I do not regret my decision, I do feel guilty about not wanting children, and I'm afraid he will hate me for not wanting to raise him myself, alone and unmarried. It has been my prayer for the last 16 years that God would protect this child, and that he would have a loving happy home. Both aparents were teachers, and I pray that he's gotten a great education. I pray that they are financially comfortable, and have been able to provide well for this child, and his older adopted brother. I made the best decision for this child that I could, to give him to a set of parents who could take care of him. So, yes, I am willing to be found...I just hope he will not hate me.
I'm a birthmom and still 5 years away from when my daughter will be of age to search, but I know how I feel about it. I do not ever consider it a disruption and YES I very much want to be found when/if she's ready. As far as I'm concerned she could walk up to me on a crowded street and announce herself...she could show up at my door unexpectedly...call me out of the blue...whatever she wants. It's all fine with me. I realize I'm only speaking for myself and my views are on being contacted are quite liberal. Good luck and (((hugs)))
Advertisements
I believe that just knowing the door is open for her to reunite may be what she has prayed for all these years, and on the other hand maybe not. She may feel such shame and guilt that she is afraid to respond, or she may be exactly like I was and ecstatic! I believe that the majority of us birthmothers would give our eye teeth to see and touch and hold our babies again.
Like the other birthmoms answering your question, I can only speak for myself. D and I were reunited last year when he was 33. I am so glad to have him in my life now. I think both of us spent years hoping the other one was searching. My husband (not his bdad) said after I found D that he had always figured that one day the phone would ring or the doorbell and there D would be. The long and the short of it is, I would have loved to have been found and I'm delighted that I found him.
i am a birthmom and just wanted to reply to your post.. i am sorry you feel cc has messed things up for you, but please dont think so negitively yet.. my son will be 18 in 3 weeks i am in the search for him now. i have waiting so long and yessssssssss i would love to be contacted and i cant wait till it happens... dont give up hope yet hun...... tammy
Advertisements
TarrantCountySearch
I was born 4/4/80 and was adopted on 7/1/80. I grew up in a great home and had a wonderful family. We adopted by sister when I was 5. My entire life I have wanted to know more about my birth mom. My NID makes me thing we look so much alike and my daughter is the spitting image of me. Her interests are even that of mine.
I started searching off and on when I turned 18. For some reason a month ago I finally decided I was ready to persue her. I found an intermediary in Texas to get a court order to get my birth certificate, find her and then send her a letter requesting communication. In the meantime I had called Catholic Charities asking them for updated medical information because it is very important due to issues that I have and possible my daughter/son will have.
Basically they have lied to me so much I don't know if they ever tell the truth or not. But they sent out a letter to my birth mother on 8/4 telling her I had requested updated medical information. This is after they told me they had not tracked her down yet, that they would include a letter to her from me when they did find her and they would tell me when they found her and would only contact her when I told them to go forward.
None of this happened. I had sent them a letter to send to her and in that email I told them to please not contact her until I tell them I am ready for it. My main reason for this is because the lady handling this is a birth mother who's bs is 38 and her mom freaked out when he found her. It was not a good experience. I did not want her or Catholic Charities discouraging my birth mom from contact based on others experiences.
I found out last Wednesday that they had found her on 8/4 (the same day they had no idea where she was) and mailed out their request. I am waiting on the court order to come in and then I want my intermediary to serve Catholic to get my file. She originally was just going to get my birth certificate as to not tip CC's off, but they've already gone out and contact my birth mother.
I know this is long and drawn out, but here is my question. Did you want to be found? My letter to her made it clear that I was in no way wanting to disrupt her life. If she did not want to make contact I am okay with that. Either outcome I would have closure. I wanted her to know that I had a great childhood and I don't expect anything from her. I poured my heart out and I wanted her to read my letter so it may have helped her know how I feel and to perhaps help her decision.
I feel that CC's may have messed it all up since they just sent out a form letter and didn't show her my heart. It makes me sad. My sister had a bad reunion (thank goodness she was adopted, her biological dad was in prison), but she now has a good relationship w/ her full blooded bio-sister. My friend's reunion with his birth mom went horrible this past week.
My birth mom was 17 and still lives in Fort Worth where she grew up and I was born. Do you think she may want to know me? I know no one can answer with certainty, but I'm going crazy waiting. I want to know if I look like her, her personality, etc.
Birth mothers, did you want to be found? The waiting is driving me crazy. In all honesty, I say I'm prepared for her to not to want contact, but I'm not. I don't think I can handle it.
Sorry for the ramble, I just have to get this off my chest. I'm so scared that she doesn't want to see what I look like or know about me. I guess it's okay, but it will hurt.
TarrantCountySearch
I was born 4/4/80 and was adopted on 7/1/80. I grew up in a great home and had a wonderful family. We adopted by sister when I was 5. My entire life I have wanted to know more about my birth mom. My NID makes me thing we look so much alike and my daughter is the spitting image of me. Her interests are even that of mine. I started searching off and on when I turned 18. For some reason a month ago I finally decided I was ready to persue her. I found an intermediary in Texas to get a court order to get my birth certificate, find her and then send her a letter requesting communication. In the meantime I had called Catholic Charities asking them for updated medical information because it is very important due to issues that I have and possible my daughter/son will have. Basically they have lied to me so much I don't know if they ever tell the truth or not. But they sent out a letter to my birth mother on 8/4 telling her I had requested updated medical information. This is after they told me they had not tracked her down yet, that they would include a letter to her from me when they did find her and they would tell me when they found her and would only contact her when I told them to go forward. None of this happened. I had sent them a letter to send to her and in that email I told them to please not contact her until I tell them I am ready for it. My main reason for this is because the lady handling this is a birth mother who's bs is 38 and her mom freaked out when he found her. It was not a good experience. I did not want her or Catholic Charities discouraging my birth mom from contact based on others experiences. I found out last Wednesday that they had found her on 8/4 (the same day they had no idea where she was) and mailed out their request. I am waiting on the court order to come in and then I want my intermediary to serve Catholic to get my file. She originally was just going to get my birth certificate as to not tip CC's off, but they've already gone out and contact my birth mother. I know this is long and drawn out, but here is my question. Did you want to be found? My letter to her made it clear that I was in no way wanting to disrupt her life. If she did not want to make contact I am okay with that. Either outcome I would have closure. I wanted her to know that I had a great childhood and I don't expect anything from her. I poured my heart out and I wanted her to read my letter so it may have helped her know how I feel and to perhaps help her decision. I feel that CC's may have messed it all up since they just sent out a form letter and didn't show her my heart. It makes me sad. My sister had a bad reunion (thank goodness she was adopted, her biological dad was in prison), but she now has a good relationship w/ her full blooded bio-sister. My friend's reunion with his birth mom went horrible this past week. My birth mom was 17 and still lives in Fort Worth where she grew up and I was born. Do you think she may want to know me? I know no one can answer with certainty, but I'm going crazy waiting. I want to know if I look like her, her personality, etc. Birth mothers, did you want to be found? The waiting is driving me crazy. In all honesty, I say I'm prepared for her to not to want contact, but I'm not. I don't think I can handle it. Sorry for the ramble, I just have to get this off my chest. I'm so scared that she doesn't want to see what I look like or know about me. I guess it's okay, but it will hurt.