Negativity towards foster care?

I just say God has placed this ministry on our hearts, and He will take care of the details. If that is not your motivation, then maybe just tell them that you and dh think that this is a great opportunity for your family to help others. FWIW we have 3 bios, and we are in the process of adopting. The plan is to have 5 kids in the end and still continue to foster one child. My kids love fostering, and having a baby has not slowed us down at all. ;)

Part of it is the attitude that "foster kids are bad" and peole don't think about why. I think the other reason is the subsidy and the fact that people have been able to do it for the money and not do anything for the kids.

I agree with them it has to do with the "oh no kids are so bad" my mother was like get them baby if you get them big they come with problems. I simply said I can't tell my heart not to fall in love with older kids sorry mom it don't work like that. All I want is to give a kid a home a family, we too are wanting our own bios but we agreed on adopting at least 2 and continue fostering even if we have our own. Brush it off my grandma always said "Best words are those that are not said" ignore change subject but do read, instruct yourself before you take a definite leap it's a long road take it from me but it will be totally worth it if you are doing this for the right reasons.

I stopped mentioning it at all unless it was to family. Though I do find it odd that most people with the most to say have never even met a foster kid. So basically unless they ARE foster parents ignore their advice.

I get this a lot too. Somebody said, "Oh you don't want those kids, they are messed up!" I was appalled. I get a lot of the, "oh but how are you going to feel when you have to give them up?"... Oh shoot, I didn't think about that! Lol. Oh and the best yet, was the conversation with my step grandmother, who has never actually had kids, by the way. She said, "I hope you soon get some kids, you guys need something to rely on." "what do you mean?" "Well, for money, you guys need to do something." (not that she has any idea of our financial status!) "Well we aren't doing it for money, you don't get that much money." "Oh you used to, your pap knows some lady who got rich off of foster kids" "It's really not much" Annoyed by this point. "what about when you go away on vacation? Where do the kids go?" I explain that we can get permission for them to go along or they can go to respite care for the time we are gone. She gasps, "Well what about your money then, would it go to them?!" "We are not doing this for the money, we are planning to adopt eventually." "Oh, can you afford to adopt? Kids are so expensive!" Oh like I don't know that? I do have a child you know, lol. UGH! She drives me bonkers! Oh and she told another family member that her and my pap wont except a certain race, and none of these kids better call him pap. Luckily, they are not a big part of our life, we see them on holidays and once and a while here and there. But if my kids aren't welcome, then neither are we.

I had two kids before I got licensed the first time. I was told, by my dad, "if you do this, you are going to warp your kids".I hear the money thing a lot, too. It's either "you can't afford another kid" or about folks getting rich off fostering.You just learn to educate when possible & ignore the rest.

We've received a wide range of reactions to fostering, and it's been interesting how people perceive foster care based on their experiences (either dealing with foster kids or parents that have had kids taken into care). Our area is primarily suburban and middle class. There are very few kids in care here and very few foster parents, but I've still had to deal with people being surprised our kids are so well behaved and doing well in school. Our two little ones are in preschool enrichment programs and we've had comments from staff about foster kids usually being so disruptive or having severe behavior problems. I suspect that is based on their experiences, but I would also think that they've dealt with plenty of non-foster kids who also little hellions but don't have the foster kid label. What surprised me was the very negative and almost fearful attitude that our sib group had towards foster care and being placed in care. When we sat them down to discuss home rules, we got so much push back on the fact that they needed to be protected from us and accusations that all foster parents like to beat and abuse kids. There's nothing you can really do about it won't change their attitudes. Only seeing more positive foster families will do that.

I have a great support system and for the most part my family (my mom, siblings) is on board with my fostering. My immediate co-workers have been great, but the ones that I get the most resistance from are colleagues who work the same profession, but not with me. I am a minister, but working in a non-church setting, many of those who I went to seminary with are against me fostering and/or being a single parent by choice...very frustrating. Those that I would think would have been the most supportive are the least... I believe that God has given me the desire to foster/adopt and that He has led me through this process and brought Li'l Singer into my life. After we finalized I sent an email to a post-seminary group I belonged to, but received no responses from most people, one negative response, and one positive response from one that had left the ministry due to personal family issues. This is hurtful, I have basically just ignored it, I simply no longer associate with this group, but do pray that local foster/adoptive families (as they are now scatter all across the country) will be part of their lives, in their churches or other ministries, and see that it is a positive, although challenging at times, blessing for all. But those who I work closely with around the city were very supportive and excited that we finalized - but then again they have known Li'l Singer since she was just a very tiny emergency placement and have come to love her. In fact she has been requested to attend a meeting I have to go to on Friday, because they have not seen her in so long and want to see her in person, not just pictures.

You are not alone, I think it seems to be a challenge that a lot of us face! We are just starting the process and I was surprised over and over by the reactions people have had. A lot of the same that other's have said here. We have four bio kids and I hear most often financial worries and worries that they will feel neglected or left out. We know this is what we were called to do, and I think our children will be better for it, not worse! My dad is dead set against it. Just remember what motivated you to start this journey and the little ones who you are going to get the chance to love...whether for a season or for always and brush off the negativity.

You are not alone, I think it seems to be a challenge that a lot of us face! We are just starting the process and I was surprised over and over by the reactions people have had. A lot of the same that other's have said here. We have four bio kids and I hear most often financial worries and worries that they will feel neglected or left out. We know this is what we were called to do, and I think our children will be better for it, not worse! My dad is dead set against it. Just remember what motivated you to start this journey and the little ones who you are going to get the chance to love...whether for a season or for always and brush off the negativity.

As a Family, people say "How can you give up everything for these children." As a Family, our Family's response to this is " How can you not?? " Juli