Meeting sons birthfamily- first time

ok so I just posted about my son and us meeitng with his birthfamily soon. Well, let me give you a little brief history. My son has a cousin that is about his same age. When I got my son I was told that the grandparents had been interested in taking him. Grandmother wanted to very badly but grandpa was dead set against it. I was told they had had lots of problems with his birthmom and she was a very difficult person to maintain a relationship with and they didn't want her always around and causing problems.So they ended up backing out of the situation and he came up for adoption....which of course we are greatful for because now he is our son. However the part I have mixed feelings about is that not long after they turned away my son, one of their other children went to jail for many years and they took in his child (my sons cousin that is his same age) and has been raising him ever since. I'm sure the situation must be different...seeing they are raising him on their own...since the parent is in jail. I guess I've always just felt a little upset that they would turn him away and reject him, yet take his cousin and raise him. I'm worried about wether my son will realize that once we meet them and if he will start questioning why his grandparets kept his cousin but not him. I would think that rejection would be very painful on him? Maybe he has been with us long enough that he will not feel that way but instead feel blessed that he has his family now....but I'm still worried for him. I don't want his little feelings hurt he is very smart and very sensitive.

It sounds to me like the grandparents were pretty clear that they were rejecting the birthmom not the grandchild. They certainly know their daughter and her potential to cause family trouble. Obviously, they were not afraid of their incarcerated son being a problem, thereby making it possible to raise his child in the family. How to explain this to your child is the big challenge -- at least until he's mature enough to understand his birthmother's personality and the difficulties her parents faced. Maybe for now, the grandparent's could just tell your son how much they would have liked to raise him with his cousin "but it just was not possible." Then, they should tell him what a lucky boy he is to have found a perfect forever family and still get to be their precious grandson. I wish you all the best of luck and hope your "family reunion" is a happy one -- and the first of many more to come.

Well I just spoke with Grandma today and we will be meeting the day after my sons birthday. It will only be her and my sons cousin(whom she is raising). Grandpa doesn't feel comfortable with it and birthmom has refused to come as well. Which is a bummer but at least our first meeting will be much more relaxed and friendly since I've already had a chance to speak with her on the phone and we get along so well. I'm just so happy to see her and for my son to get to play with his cousin. We will be going to chuck-e-cheese to play for a bit so it should be lots of fun for the kids. I've decided to just keep it simple. I might grab a couple photos to give her to keep but nothing big since I anticipate we'll be spending most of the time talking, taking pictures and playing with the kids and walking around. This is so exciting I feel so good about it....at least the meeting her part.....the birthmom part....well that's a bit depressing but understandable given the circumstances. The grandma did say she would try and find a photo of his birthmom so at least we will have that. She said she doens't have any recent photos because she's not one that like to take pictures, but we'll be happy with anything we get. I'm sure just the picture alone will mean so much to my son as he gets older. Especially given she may never be at the point where she will make contact with him. =0( But we can only hope and pray that thing will work out for the best.

Our meeting went very well. Gregory loved playing with his cousing 9I forgot how competetive 2 7 year old boys can be...my goodness...and how active). But they had fun!!! his grandma was very nice and very friendly just like I had expected. It was real busy and loud but we did get a chance to talk some. i'll be calling them again next month to see if/when they'd like to get together again. Now I kinda feel stupid for waiting all this time to actually meet her. But it was for the best at the time, so we'll just see where we go from here.

Hi,I'm glad your meeting went well. I've been thinking about your story and the grandparents raising one and not the other. Sounds to me like gandma woould have taken them both. The presence of the birthmom may have been the problem or it maybe that the grandfather couldn't deal with it being about his daughter (Sometimes fathers feel really betrayed when their daughters make messes of their lives. They also can feel like they failed to protect them - so it's hard to deal with the reality of that failure.) My father was against my keeping my son because he knew the baby would become the focus of my mother's life. It's so good to have his grandmother in uyour lives. Blessings,Kathy

Well, i was able to get that question answered a little more. Basically with my sons case they knew it would be a permanent thing and they weren't willing to do that...grandma would have but grandpa was very against it. They felt he deserved to be in a home with a younger couple who ould adore him and care for him, verses with them where his birthmom would come in and out of his life and cause problems, they say she is very difficult to maintain a relationship with. With the other boy she is caring for it is temporary. Her younger son had to go to jail for a couple years, he will be getting out in a year and when he gets back on his feet he will regain his custody. Grandma says it will be hard for her when he goes because she is raising him like her own son but grandpa is very clear on the fact that it is his sons boy and he is getting him back just as soon as he gets out. So it does clarify things a bit. One was going to have to be a permanent thing the other was just temporary.