Deceptive infant or am i crazy?

I don't know your child and your particular situation but wanted to comment. I was a foster mother to a baby boy who came to us at 13 mos. Because of the neglect he had suffered, I found very soon how manipulative he could be to get what he wanted. At times, these children (particularly smart ones) come up with their own means to self-preservation. He was more attached to food than to people because that's what he was taught. It's all part of the attachment cycle. Sounds like your daughter is very bright and has found her own means of self-care and that she may believe she will be spanked if she shows how active she really wants to be. So she hides what she can do until you are gone and she thinks she needs it. As for the laughing in the midst of crying? Interesting. Right these things down. You may need to sit down and try and piece some things together because it may be a while before she trusts you enough to let you in on her own little world in the making. Have you read "Toddler Adoption/The Weaver's Craft?" I found it to be very good. MJ

[FONT=Comic Sans MS]I personally would start rereading and reviewing or if you haven't done so already, read up on attachment. Do heavy attachment parenting...she needs to learn to trust that you can protect and she no longer has to do it on her own. [/FONT][FONT=Comic Sans MS][/FONT] [FONT=Comic Sans MS]A great reference is [url=http://www.a4everfamily.org]A4everFamily.org - HOME[/url] and [url=http://www.attach-china.org]Attach-China[/url]. The behaviors described are red flags for a child who is struggling to attach...[/FONT]

Sounds like attachment disorder to me.

Those are definate signs of attachment disorder. I'd recommend finding an attachment therapist to have an evaluation done.

Another thing I wanted to add to the conversation. When we first brought her home for about 2-3 weeks she would not sit on the floor under any circumstance without screaming bloody murder. She would sit on a chair, with you or in her crib, but no where else. She has since "got over" this. Oh, she can't stand to take a bath, she screams uncontrollably untill she's out of the water.....this has lessened some, but its still pretty rough giving her a bath.

I wrote earlier about a 13 mo. old I fostered. I didn't want to suggest "attachment disorder" but since others did, that's the first thing I thought of when I read your post. As for baths, I had the same things . It was horrible trying to give our baby boy a bath and it continued almost until he left here. Finally, he had settled in the bath. I took him to the Y to swim so that he would feel calmer in the water. It even got so he would jump into my arms from the side. I felt good about that, believing what a trust issue it is to jump into someone else's arms when he was afraid of the water. Best wishes on your journey. Sounds like you have some attaching to do. Josie

[FONT=Comic Sans MS]OK, I was trying to be gentle as well...the child has many indicators that this is more than just an attachment struggle...[/FONT][FONT=Comic Sans MS][/FONT] [FONT=Comic Sans MS]I have an AD/RAD now 3 year old...adopted at 8 months...trust me when I say I know these behaviors. Getting a qualified attachment professional involved ([url=http://www.radzebra.org]Home[/url] has a list plus if you email Kelly there, she may be able to find others that are not listed.) Regular therapy will cause more damage...[/FONT][FONT=Comic Sans MS][/FONT] [FONT=Comic Sans MS]The situation will not get better with time...only worse unless addressed and treated. [/FONT][FONT=Comic Sans MS][/FONT] [FONT=Comic Sans MS]Are you familiar with attachment parenting? Holding Time? There is a great reading list at the [url=http://www.a4everfamily.org]A4everFamily.org - HOME[/url] website. [/FONT][FONT=Comic Sans MS][/FONT] [FONT=Comic Sans MS]Keep coming here for support amd ask us any questions...many of us have been through this....[/FONT]

I would agree that attachment parenting would be in order. The good news is that as young as she is, the chances for attaching and trusting are very good. Just be sure that you consult with an attachment therapist, or at least with someone who has been down this road before. Good luck to you.... Linny

When I adopted RAD was as unknown as "home computer" so if everyone else says it is RAD I am not disputing their knowledge.I went to El Salvador to get my three year-old daughter and was able to visit both the orphanage she was in and the foster home she stayed in during the adoption process. She also would refuse (screaming) to sit on the floor. They had been told at the orphanage and the foster home never to get on the floor because bugs would crawl on them and bite them. She also would not take a bath (screaming again) but would take a shower with me. When I visited the orphanage, I saw that they had showers for all the children who were big enough to walk. Only the babies were given baths (in freezing cold water). She also loved swimming, and we learned to take baths by putting on our swim suits and getting in the bathtub to swim.She is 25 now and is very loving and seems to be as attached as most young people are to their parents.Maybe you could check out her previous experiences?Just a humble suggestion. I am not disagreeing with anyone.