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I am a single mother of a beautiful 4 yr. old girl. I also have a very handsome 6 yr. old boy who is up for adoption. In November of 2003 both of my children were taken due to issues with my husband at the time and my sons special needs. I received custody of my daughter back very quickly, but, my son took 1 1/2 years to get him back. The day after I received custody of him I had a nervous breakdown. I spent 45 days in the hospital. The DHHS took custody of him back within a week. My son is a very aggressive, high high energy child. He was very abusive to his sister. When she was 6 months old she had a black eye. When she was learning to crawl he would stomp down very hard on her back, kick her in the face with his boots on or just throw stuff at her. When she got so she could go upstairs he threw her down them on 3 different occassions. He was in special programs from the time he was 15 months old. Nothing has worked up to this point. Last October I signed custody of him over to DHHS. The hardest thing I have ever had to do. To this day I can't deal with it. I am depressed majorly. I have my daughter and she is my world. Shes super smart, shes beautiful, shes loving, shes my pride and joy!!!!! I have gained 70 pounds in the last year, I sleep all've the time, I don't want to go out, I am just miserable. I try not to think about my son, but, I can't help it. I have his pictures out still and I refuse to put them away. He is officially up for adoption now. I am totally heartbroken because of course I have checked out the websites he is on. I feel like I have totally failed him. He misses me so bad. He screams for me at times. He still thinks he is coming home. I only know this stuff because my dad attends all of the team meetings. I have not seen hims since I think August of last year. His psychiatrist thinks its for the best. What do I know???There are times I want to just lay down and die. I sometimes even feel like I'm not good enough to raise my daughter, that she would be better off elsewhere. I am such an emotional wreck. I know there are others who have gone through this. How did ya'll deal??
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Nessa's mama... I wanted to respond to you in support. I'm sure there are other people reading your post sending you silent prayers and support.the situation is complicated but you did everything you possibly could for your boy. He is a danger to your daughter and also, as he gets older and has so many anger issues, would possibly be a danger to YOU as well. You are doing the only thing that you know will help him. Right now he is probably in specialized care with a foster family who has been trained specifically in issues such as what he currently exhibits? That is the best place for him.One of the kids I mentor is in adult prison. He's a great kid. However, he is bipolar and has terrible anger issues and judgement problems. He was a handful as a child (I've known him since he was aged 8 and he's 15 now). His mom and the SW's tried so hard to help him. I tried terribly hard to find him a male mentor too (impossible, so few male mentors, it isn't funny).Eventually, his behavior was so out of control and his mom could do nothing, the older he got. Now he has made some seriously bad judgement calls and due to issues in juvie, he was actually put in adult prison. He should not be in there.Had his mom and SW's showed the wisdom you and your SW's are showing, he might not be there. They fought to keep him in the home and he just got worse and worse and his mom could not control him at all.What I'm saying is, you took preventive action. That action will really help your son down the road. I know this story is scary for you to read. But as you know from his violent and unpredictable behavior, you cannot control it. It is better for him to get palliative care NOW while he is young, vs. wait until he is older and put in prison for a crime of assault or even worse.You did the right thing. And you would be very surprised to know you are not alone. There are a great many kids out there who have impulse and anger issues that are uncontrollable. The families suffer, like you suffer. Try and understand that it is in his best interest as well. The story I tell about my mentee should really help you understand how it can get and you should know that help now through intervention such as you just took for your boy, through trying to find parents experienced in disciplining and teaching impulse control in the extreme, is showing the most love you can for your son and will help him over the long term.My heart is with you, wish I could send you some strength.