How do I help Bfather forgive Bmother for not telling him?

Hi there, I bet you'd given up on getting a reply. Sometimes that happens. I always have to work on not taking it personally. ;) hmmm...caring words to soothe his pain. A couple of things occur to me: the post you yourself wrote is full of compassion and kindness. I would bet that if you trust yourself, your heart would tell you what to say. The other thing is that you could have the best author in the world write something for you, but only your dad can do the actual work, the forgiving and getting beyond anger. I'm guessing this news is fairly recent for him? If so, I would guess that he'll be upset for a while - after all, he has a right to be. But I think as time passes the emotions will become less intense. Right now, if he just learned of it, it's as if it just happened for him. Make sense? Anytime we receive news, we're experiencing it right then for the first time, even if the actual event happened 50 years before. Having said all that, if it were me, I'd be careful not to make excuses for her or defend her. That's not my job and would probably only anger him and make him feel like no one understands his pain. And beneath the anger, I'd guess there's pain, too. I'd just commiserate with him, agreeing that it wasn't fair, etc. I'd also point out that we know each other now, that we have a chance for a long, loving relationship. That yes, it's sad and unjust that it happened the way it did. I'd probably say these things to him once, and then let the seeds I've planted take root. After that, it's really up to him as to whether he lets it go or how long it takes him. Any time he brought it up again, I'd listen to him. He's hurting and wants someone to acknowledge his pain and the injustice done to him. That's pretty normal. At some point I'd probably also gently say the same or similar things - he may need to hear the words several times before he really begins to listen. You sound compassionate and very caring, concerned for other people. From what you've said, he's like that too. It'll take time, but those are good indicators that you guys will come through this ok and he'll be able to let it go and/or forgive. The phrase 'forgive and forget' is very misleading. Experts say it's one thing for us to forgive, but because we're human and have the brains we have, it's pretty impossible for us to forget. It's actually a good thing that we don't forget. If we did, we could easily be hurt or taken advantage of in similar ways over and over and never learn anything from our experience. I hope this has helped. I wish you both the best. And here...have a {{hug}} Warmly, heartbeat