Now what?

We also have one biological daughter and one soon to be adopted(she is the older sister).I said it before that you would be amazed to come into our house because you would not beable to see any differance between the two.When the court systems and some Bparents look at Aparents I feel that they think they should see some differance.Like they would tell me "she is the one being adopted because I can tell you do not love her as much as the other one". We were asked 8yrs ago by both Bparents to raise this girl as our own and now we have a court system that says we have no legal standing.There is two things wrong with that.1) I do not need a court of law to tell me that I need legal anything to raise a child with love and teach this child right from wrong and spoil her and care for her and to see her smile or get angry at me,the fact of the matter is that whether a court gives me legal anything or not it WILL NOT change the fact that she is my daughter!! She knows it,I know it,My wife knows it. The only ones that can't seem to grasp reality are the courts,the Bfather and his attorny. 2) We accepted this when asked for better or worse and a message to the Bfather and the courts- I am not done yet. I have not nor has my wife finished raising this precious angel.We were not asked to babysit for 8yrs.We were asked to RAISE this girl. Sorry not quite done with that yet. The Bfather and his attorny and the courts will be the first to know when we are.The Bfather whether he likes it or not is a complete stranger to this little girl.This was not done by us.We did not cause this to happen.HE MUST TAKE FULL RESPONSIBILITY FOR BEING THIS.I am a daddy and I will take full responsibility for that!!GOD BLESS

Very well said Josie. Yes, despite any circumstances whatsoever we became parents on that first day. Unfortunately that also includes, in our cases, having to continue long, drawn-out, exhausting legal battles FOR our children - not against the birthparents. It is the birthparents in these cases which are making life so difficult, creating chaos, financial and legal devastation, etc. But we chose to raise our children and we fight for them. I wonder when these birthparents will begin to EVER look at what is best for the child involved - THAT is being a parent. My husband and I adopted our child knowing almost NOTHING about him - we did not know what his race would be, we did not know what his limitations would be, we did not know what his physical condition would be - we DID know the birthmom drank, smoked, etc. and received no prenatal care. We adopted him as if he had been born out of my own body - regardless of the circumstances. He does have some difficulties in some areas - but we love him and care for him unconditionally - again, just as if I had given birth. If the birthparents would act like PARENTS that would be one thing - but they are not and WE ARE! THAT is what I do not understand about the legal system - do they not understand the definition of parenting? billysmommy- also well put!! ""It is about stepping up to the plate IMMEDIATELY, no MATTER WHAT YOUR CIRCUMSTANCES, and taking it upon yourself to work 2 or 3 jobs if need be to raise that child" I'm so sad for all of us experiencing this fear and pain. I'm glad we can be here for each other. {HUGS} to ALL of you!

Just wanted to say that I also have birth children. Even though my adopted children are different in color than I am, the feeling that I have for ALL of my children is EXACTLY THE SAME. So I DO understand the love a birth mother has when she makes the decision to place a child for adoption. In case anyone wondered where my heart is . . . Hope to hear some good news from someone on this board soon. Praying. Josie

Do you think that is why couples/singles go international?All the international parents I know deny that vehementally.To the op,I hope you get some news soon.I remember being in legal limbo,although we signed a contract to return him if asked.We had to wait a long time to know if anyone was going to raise him in the families of origin. Several relatives considered it. I still think it is better than putting them in an unrelated foster home like my generation was.Then we were moved from Mother/Father one,mother/father two to mother/father three.

Oh my goodness AMEN AMEN AMEN. I have no follow-up you said it best. We have spent so much money raising and providing for our son. And all that was needed was a phone calll after 4 months saying return him no questions asked. No one is thinking about the stress this does to infants. They have no way to speak but wonder where are my PARENTS, the only people I have ever known. The only people that held, kiss, hugged, rocked, cooed, ohhed, and awwed over me. You just can't take that away. Why would the court and the laws allow agencies to do this to us. I have learned that agencies are not even held to the same standards as state agencies. Why is this?? Why oh why?

I read your post and my heart goes out to you. Like many couples on this forum-We too unfortunately are in a contested adoption for now almost 18 months. We were told the longer we have the baby the better. In reality we are not sure if this is true. Honestly who do you trust? All we know is we love this angel like our very own, have from the time he was a tiny fetus-and we were chosen as the hopeful adoptive parents. I myself have been blessed with the fact that I could attend the doctor's appointments since the birth mom was pregnant at 8 weeks. We formed a bond unlike any other. Going to those appointments meant the world to me...For years we had longed for a baby. Praying every night that God would somehow bless us. Deep in my heart I always felt somehow someway God would place an angel with us, because God knows how much a child would mean to us! We were not rich however and reality was the chances of adopting were just getting less and less for us. A miracle did happen and God had it in his plan for our paths to cross with a wonderful and courageous birth mom. Words cannot even begin to express how happy I was after talking to her. I actually got off the phone and jumped up and down crying...our prayers are being answered!!! We attented the appointments, called the birth mom all the time checking on her and her baby...- We still have the tape recordered sound of our angel's heartbeat...and the sonogram pictures!! These we carried around all the time...just trying to get over the shock and bring in reality...this was going to happen for us. We ran out and bought everything we could..got the nursery all ready. Just having the sheer joy of buying clothes for our little one was just amazing. For years I had walked through those baby isles and held back tears of sadness, because we longed to have an adopted child. Now we were finally going to have our hearts filled with so much love and joy!!! We felt like we were waiting forever and then our little angel arrived! The happiest day of our lives! When we held our baby we thought our hearts would burst from excitement...Not a day goes by that we do not thank God above for our angel!!! Never would I dream we would be going through a contested adoption. We know that risk are involved in all adoptions. We worried the birth mom might change her mind. Going through all we did with her, she kept assuring us she wanted adoption. Even the day of our angel's birth -I was so scared the birth mom would change her mind. We could not be angry if she decided to parent, that was her right. When we left those hospital doors I clung onto our baby and cried..this was real!! The birth mom and I are just good friends. We still are in contact. The birth father has wavered through out this entire time. We welcomed open adoption which he agreed then changed his mind. Its so unfair we never kept this baby away from the birth father. Everyone involved knew of the situation and that the baby was going up for adoption. I agree, every birth parent has their right to their child, however I do not agree that it should take years to do something if you want your child. What this birth father fails to understand is we are human and we have feelings. Thank God for the strength of this birth mom!! I cannot say enough good things about her. From day one she only wanted the best for her angel...Adoption was not an easy choice for her she carried that baby, under her heart for months. Where was this birth father? during the pregnancy?after the pregnancy?and now 18 months later? Thank God we have a strong birth mom who believes this baby should be with us. She understands how we feel and knows how much this angel is loved! The emotional heartache of worrying everyday is just sometimes so hard. Living this day to day is just so scary...I know how you feel -These babies for us are our world!! It saddens me so much that a contested adoption can go on this long. We have no idea what is going to happen next...All we know is God is with us-each and everyone of us...And we just need to keep the faith-that God placed these angels with us for a reason. We hold onto God being on our side...and just taking one day at a time. Seeing our angel's smiling face and the love we all have is enough to let us know -God is watching over us-all of us-God knows what we are going through...He knows our pain, and what is in our hearts..He sees the love we have for our children!!! Keep praying..and believe God will pull us through this!:wings:

Thank you, Stacy, I believe that God knows what is best for all of us. Along all of this process, together, we are learning and maybe some good will come out of it if we can make things better for adoptive families in the future. God never takes his eyes off of us. He loves us unconditionally, the same way we love our angels. Josie Hugs,Josie

Thank you Stacey,I know in our case we came across this web sight just by chance.MAYBE it was GOD directing us here.GOD BLESS

You are right we were all brought together on this forum-for a reason. Sometimes reading your post is like reading my mind. We strongly feel the same way, have almost the same views. Its scary, but I think since we are all going through this we understand how it feels. Adoption for us, has always been something we continously prayed for...You have to know in your heart you can accept a child as your own-For us, there was never a doubt how much love we have for a child!!! We would love for this adoption to go through-and we hope God will send us more angels our way because we know we have lots of love to share. As hard as this is on us, if given this situation or another one we would do this again. For us, children come first and foremost!! There is no greater joy in the world then to hear the words "mommy" and "daddy"!!! We just cherish every day we have with our angel...and take nothing for granted. Its hard to understand why this happens....but we trust God will be with us every step of the way...:wings:

God Bless you all! God blessed me so much by leading me to this site and to all of you. I am praying for you and send all of my well wishes your way!:wings:

Has anyone ever filed a grievance with their agency for not doing all they should have so that your adoption could be successful, for example file paperwork with the courts, etc?

If you had your child for 4 months, the agency should have advised you to have an attorney file paperwork towards the adoption hearing by then and done post placement visits with your family. At least that's the standard here in Ohio. What does your attorney say? Josie

One mistake we made was not having an attoney when we started. We were told one wasn't neccessary until we went to court and the agency was representing us. I had visits every month from the agency and that is the only proof that he was in my home.

Usually you don't need to contact an attorney until you need to get a hearing set up for finalization. Luckily our agency knew there could be an issue with our adoption with birthfather not signing the surrender and advised us to get an attorney ASAP and get a hearing date scheduled. That may be our saving grace. Love,Josie

Prayer for My Child~

I come to You in Jesus name and give (name ofchild) to You. I'm convinced that You aloneknow what is best for him/her. You alone knowwhat he/she needs. I release him/her to Youto care for and protect, and I commit myself topray for everything concerning him/her that Ican think of or that You put upon my heart.Teach me how to pray and guide me in what topray about. Help me not to impose my own willwhen I'm praying for him/her, but ratherenable me to pray that Your will be done inhis/her life.Thank You that I can partner with You in raisinghim/her and that I don't have to rely on theworld's unreliable and ever-changing methodsfor child rearing, but that I can have cleardirections from Your Word and wisdom as I prayto You for answers.Thank You, Lord, for the precious gift of thischild. Because Your Word says that every goodgift comes from You, I know that You havegiven him/her to me to care for and raise. Helpme do that. Show me places where I continueto hang on to him/her and enable me to releasehim/her to Your protection, guidance, andcounsel. Help me not to live in fear of possibledangers, but in the joy and peace of knowingthat You are in control. I rely on You foreverything, and this day I trust my child to Youand release him/her into Your hands.~By Stormie Omartian